


New Beginnings

by DazedLizard



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate ending for TROS, Angst, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Not sure what I'm doing I'm just writing, POV Multiple, Post-Canon Fix-It, Prisoner Ben Solo, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Rey Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, Torture, Violence, probably not completely canon but trying to stay close-ish, probably will be sexy time at some point, strong language and violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:08:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 27
Words: 57,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22099996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DazedLizard/pseuds/DazedLizard
Summary: After the battle on Exegol, Rey and Kylo Ren are found together unconscious in the Sith Temple. Rey is rescued and, after some debate about whether or not to shoot him on the spot, the resistance take Kylo Ren prisoner.After getting him back to base, the resistance must decide what to do with him.Also Leia is still alive because she’s a hecking great character and I love her.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 482
Kudos: 904





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting Kylo Ren back to base, the resistance must decide what to do with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NB I don't own Star Wars

Leia sat in front of the two-way glass, watching him carefully. It was unusual for the resistance to have prisoners – usually they were too occupied with staying alive to have the time or resources to detain people – so they had put him in one of the interrogation rooms on the old abandoned Empire ship that lay next to the resistance base. Most people avoided the old destroyer; after it had been stripped of useful parts no one wanted to spend time in it, and the resistance base had sprung up around it, as opposed to inside it as had been their original plan. Still, the old interrogation rooms were perfectly functional, if unused for a few decades, and given that the rest of the resistance base consisted mostly of tents and ramshackle shelters there was nowhere else that felt nearly secure enough to put him.

Leia shivered, briefly wondering what kinds of things had happened in this room when the destroyer was in the hands of the Empire. It was certainly no flagship, so it was unlikely that _Vader_ had ever set foot here, but she wondered if Ben might feel the whispers of his grandfather in the room. She swallowed and quickly pushed that thought away. Best not to think about that. Ben – she couldn’t bring herself to call him _Kylo Ren_ – was still unconscious as she watched him through the glass. Dameron and Finn had tried to coax her away, reminding her of the need for food and sleep and assuring her that the assigned guards would inform her if and when he woke up, but she hadn’t been able to leave him. She understood the need to restrain him – when they’d first brought him back to base, unrestrained, he’d briefly woken up and the guards had been so spooked they’d slugged him with a stun blaster. Restraint was a better way of containing him. But the guards had been so rough with him when shackling him to the chair that part of her was concerned there might be a lynching if she left. And another part of her just wanted to look at her son, _Ben_ , before he woke up and went back to being Kylo Ren.

The room consisted of a plain metal chair, in which Ben sat, and two more chairs on the other side of a large metal table. Across from Ben was the large mirror-window through which Leia watched him. Ben was slumped forwards, head down, hanging off his restraints as far as they would allow. His ankles were each shacked to a chair leg, hands secured behind him, and thick ropes crossed his chest, binding him to the chair. A cloth sack covered his head and Leia knew that underneath this a thick strip of leather had been forced between his teeth and secured behind his head, gagging him. When Leia had asked, exasperated, if the gag was really necessary, the guard’s only response had been “can’t be too careful, General”.

“Fine,” she’d snapped back, “then you can be the one who gets your hand bitten taking that thing off when he finally wakes up and it’s time to question him”. The guard had faltered somewhat, but ultimately left the gag in place.

Leia sighed. It was understandable that the resistance fighters were angry, considering the things he had done. She had hoped there might be enough _Ben_ left to redeem him in people’s eyes, but after seeing their reactions, eyes full of hatred, when he was brought back to base, she was rapidly realising that this was unlikely.

***

 _“You don’t understand,”_ Rey said through gritted teeth, for what felt like the thousandth time. She was sat with Poe and Finn in the dining tent, nudging today’s lunch – some unappetising-looking grey sludge – around her bowl with her spoon, too frustrated to eat it.  
“I’ve already told you what happened. Ben helped me destroy Palpatine. I couldn’t have done it alone. He helped me and he saved my life.”

“And I’ve already told you I refuse to call that monster _Ben_ ”, Finn spat.

“Rey…” Poe’s concern showed in his voice. “We’re just worried about you, that’s all”.

“It’s not me you should be worried about!” Her eyes flicked towards the tent opening, through which part of the old destroyer was visible. She had still not been allowed to see him.

“Look, we’re not denying what happened on Exegol,” Poe continued, “we’re just saying that it doesn’t cancel out all the things that happened before that.”

“Exactly” Finn cut in, “like murdering those innocent people on Jakku, killing Han, nearly killing me,” Finn’s voice was rising, “torturing you, torturing Poe –”

“I know all this already,” Rey growled, “but I’m telling you he is different now. He’s changed. The dark side forced him – well maybe not forced but at the very least _influenced him_ – to do those things. He’s not Kylo Ren anymore.”

Poe’s eyebrows knitted together in concern. Rey wanted to punch him. _Why weren’t they listening._

“Rey, of course he wanted you to believe he’s different now. He probably saw that you were going to win against Palpatine in that cave and decided he wanted to side with the winners! Isn’t that what the Sith do? Use people because it’s convenient?”

Rey stood up. “I’m sorry” she said bluntly. “I can’t have this conversation again.” She started to leave, then hesitated and turned back towards them. She took a breath. “Kylo Ren was a mass-murdering psychopath who slaughtered millions of innocent people –”

“And worse,” added Finn.

“But you, me, and everyone on this base, hell, everyone in the damn galaxy, owes their lives to Ben Solo”. She spun on her heel and marched out.

As she reached the jungle outside her eyes were stinging with hot, angry tears, and she was glad that Finn and Poe couldn’t see her.

Rey was so absorbed in her thoughts that she almost walked headfirst into Rose, who had only just gotten off-shift for dinner.

“Whoops! Not very jedi-like there,” Rose chuckled. “I mean, I'm allowed to be clumsy, but aren’t you meant to be, like, _always aware_ or something?” she joked. Then she saw Rey’s face and her expression changed. “Rey! What’s happened?”

Rey took a deep breath. “I’m fine. Really.”

Rose cocked her head sideways.

“Well. Not Really fine.” Rey looked at her. “Same argument as yesterday. And the day before…” Rey’s voice trailed off. “I don’t know how to make them see.”

Rose smiled tentatively. “Can I give some advice?” Her face suddenly took on a pinkish tinge. “I mean, this is just my opinion, and you don’t have to listen to it,” she added quickly.

Rey nodded. Rose nudged her and they walked slowly a little way away from the dining tent.

“I think,” she said hesitantly, “you trying to convince them of Ren’s – sorry _Ben’s_ – goodness, is just a bit… well a bit _much_ for everyone right now”

Rey frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Rey, the war might seem like it’s over. And hopefully it is! But people are still scared, really scared. And they – us, everyone – have lost so much, not just on Exegol but through all of it. And so right now I think a lot of people just really need someone to hate for all of that, and blaming all of that evil on the dark side of the force just doesn’t seem quite, quite _tangible_ enough, you know?”

Rey nodded.

“And, no offence to you jedi types – seriously I wish I had some force sensitivity, I really do – but I think that a lot of people here don’t really _get_ the idea of the force, with the light and dark side and all that. They just see people, and what they’ve done. And you _know_ that he’s done, well, Kylo Ren anyway, did unspeakable things.”

Rey sniffed back a tear. Rose put a hand on her shoulder and continued. “Snoke and Palpatine are gone, but Ben, well right now he’s a living, breathing symbol for all the evil that the First Order did. He’s their perfect candidate for all that hate. And I think that when you push to try and convince them that he’s not a monster, well they push right back”

Rey nodded slowly. She felt that happening too. It was maddening.

“And instead of convincing them that Ren – I mean Ben – is good, instead people might start to think that you’re bad, or at least bad-ish, for siding with him rather than them.

_“What?”_

“I’m not saying that’s what you’re doing” Rose countered quickly. “I know you’re just trying to make sure he doesn’t, you know, get lynched in the night or something. But Rey, I think people are starting to feel a bit scared of you now, too, and that’s not good. You know, like how he’s a force-user and so are you, and people associate the two of you, like you’ve got this kind of bond that no one else can understand and that’s scary.”

Rey stiffened. _Do other people know about the bond?_

“I’m not saying like a literal bond, of course,” said Rose with a nervous chuckle, and Rey relaxed a little. Rose looked slightly frustrated. “I’m not expressing myself very well here, sorry for going on.”

“No, it’s fine.”

“I’m just saying that I think people really need to feel like you’re on their side right now. I don’t know if you can convince them that Ben is good just through words, they need to see that he’s good for themselves. And you know, maybe when he wakes up he’ll do that, and then people will know it’s real, rather than just worrying he’s bewitched you or turned you over to the dark or something…” Rose trailed off.

Rey sighed heavily. “That’s actually a good point,” she conceded.

Rose held her gaze.

“Ok. So less arguing with people about Ben. More just… trying to make people less scared of me.”

Rose smiled warmly and squeezed Rey’s arm. “I’m sure it won’t take much. They all love you really.”

Rey gave a sad smile.

“And don’t worry about Ben either!” Rose’s cheeriness was clearly forced now. “He’s been through worse, I’m sure he’ll recover just fine and show everyone who he really is.” She sounded uncertain, but Rey appreciated it all the same.

Rose left for the dining tent, leaving Rey alone.

The thing is, she _was_ worried about Ben. She looked towards the destroyer and tried once more to feel him through the force, but again she felt nothing. On the first day after getting back to base she’d caught a brief flash of him, all pain and confusion, but since then – nothing. It was as though he wasn’t there.

 _Don’t think about that._ She told herself firmly. _He’s not dead, I would know if he was. He’s just – blocked off from the force or something. Or unconscious._

***

The first thing he noticed was the pain. First just a dull ache, not strong enough to keep him from slipping back into unconsciousness, but then getting more and more urgent until it was a sharp pain that demanded his attention. His whole body throbbed, his neck and shoulders and arms especially. His head felt fuzzy, as though he couldn’t quite grasp hold of his thoughts. He tried shifting his shoulders, needing to find a comfier position, but found that he couldn’t move. His body stiffened and his eyes flew open but he saw only blackness as he felt fear rising within him. He shifted slightly in his seat, sending daggers of pain down his right leg, causing him to wince sharply, at which he noticed the bitter-tasting leather strap between his teeth. Panic was threatening to overwhelm him as he struggled weakly against the restraints. Steeling himself, he bit hard into the leather strap and forced himself to take a deep breath. Whoever had him prisoner, he would not give them the pleasure of seeing him afraid.

Slowly, he reached out with his senses into his body, exploring the damage. His head pounded and his arms and shoulders screamed with the pain of being wrenched behind him. He wondered how long he had been bound like this, and whether he should count himself lucky that he still had circulation to his fingers. His right leg felt as though it could be broken and the skin of his torso seared with pain, although from what he could not tell. He decided with a small nod that the blackness was due to being blindfolded, rather than being actually blind, which was reassuring. He was alive, although perhaps not for long if this is how his hosts treat him, he mused.

Then, lifting his head slightly he extended his senses into the room. He was acutely aware that he felt only vaguely connected to the force. He could use it to explore his surroundings, but lifting anything or untying himself was well beyond his reach. He wondered if he had been drugged to prevent him accessing the force by keeping him groggy, although conceded that he also might just have concussion. He became aware of noises around him – people talking in urgent voices and the sound of boots tramping nearby. Then he heard a door being flung open, the unmistakable sound of a blaster being loaded, and a voice spoke.

“Don’t fucking try anything, Ren, or I’ll blow your god-damn head off. God knows I don’t need another reason”.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first ever fanfic - let me know if you like it, if you do I’ll post another chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey begs to be allowed to see the captured Ben Solo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NB I don't own Star Wars

Rey paced back and forth outside General Organa’s rooms. She had gone the whole day without mentioning Ben, and, as Rose predicted, people had seemed less wary of her today. But now she was fed up, impatient, and needed to talk to someone about him. The door opened and Rey strode into the office without waiting for an invitation. 

“General Organa I –”

Leia held up a hand to cut her off. “I know what you’re here to talk about Rey.”

“Please, general. No one will tell me anything. I have to know he’s ok.”

Leia looked at Rey with a steely gaze. “Almost everyone on this base wants to see him dead, and you want to see if he’s ok.”

Rey looked down. “You know my feelings on this. He is changed.”

“And I want to agree with you, Rey, I really do.” She grimaced. “It’s hard. So many dead at his hands.”

“Kylo Ren’s hands.”

“Yes.” She paused, as if trying to find the right words. “I know you saw Ben in him. I believe that. But who knows if Ben will still be here when he wakes.” She paused again. “He’ll be waking up alone, restrained – a prisoner. That’s enough to make anyone angry.” Leia smiled sadly. “The guards are scared, Rey. Really scared.”

“Then let me guard him! I’m not afraid of him!”

“You know I can’t do that, Rey.”

“Then at least let me see him! Please, General,” she implored, “As you said, he’ll be waking up alone, scared, angry,” Rey couldn’t bring herself to say _restrained_ as Leia had done. The thought of him in restraints after risking his life to save her was too unsavoury. “So,” she continued, “maybe I can help with that. He knows that I at least don’t want him dead. General – _I can keep him calm_. Then when he doesn’t fly off the handle, maybe people will be less afraid of him!”

“I don’t know, Rey. I’m not saying ‘no’, I’m saying I really don’t know. If he does relate to you like you say, I don’t know if he’d want you seeing him how he is now. Seeing you could agitate him more.”

Rey swallowed. “ _How he is now?_ What do you mean?"

Leia’s kind eyes were full of sadness. 

There was an urgent knocking at the door, and Finn barrelled into the room. “General Organa,” he panted, “I’ve been sent to tell you – he’s awake.”

__

Rey’s heart leapt in her chest. She looked expectantly at the general. Leia had turned a shade paler than usual. She seemed to be considering her answer, nodding as she came to a decision. 

__

“Ok Rey, you’re up.”

__

They sped down the passageway of the destroyer, and Leia directed them into the small observation room next to a door marked INTERROGATION A. 

__

Rey faltered slightly. Leia wondered if Rey was having the same thoughts she’d had about previous ‘uses’ of this room, whilst the ship had been operational. 

__

Leia waved in the direction of a chair, gesturing for Rey to sit, but Rey was already at the observation window. She took in a swift gasp and turned to stare at Leia, horrified. With the hood over his head and two blasters trained on him, Ben looked as though he was at his own execution.

__

“Why hasn’t he been given any medical attention?” Rey demanded. There was a large patch of something that could be blood dried onto his black tunic, and one of his legs looked twisted at an unnatural angle. 

__

Leia exhaled. It seemed to pain her to look at her son. “None of the medics wanted to go near him.” She sighed. “And the other generals are scared he’ll be more dangerous if he regains his strength.” Her voice got even quieter. “And they think he’ll be easier to question if he’s weaker.”

__

“If he doesn’t get some help soon there won’t be anything of him left to question,” Rey hissed. She suppressed a wave of guilt. She knew that her anger at Leia was misdirected, but the other generals weren’t present and she could feel her rage spilling out of her like hot lava. Deliberately leaving him in this state seemed tantamount to torture, making the resistance no better than The Empire, who likely used this room as a torture chamber decades ago. She hurried out of the observation room. 

__

“You can’t go in there, Miss Rey,” warned the guard.

__

She glared at him. “Then shoot me,” she snapped, and opened the door. 

__

Ben turned his head at the sound of the door opening and Rey wondered if he knew it was her. The two guards standing in either corner of the room seemed to tighten their grip on their blasters. 

__

“Ben, it’s me,” she whispered. “It’s Rey.” Her voice felt thick and heavy. She tried to reach out to him with the force, but she felt his mind push her away. 

__

She knelt on the floor before him. “Ben, I’m going to take the hood off now, ok?”

__

His head moved imperceptibly in what she thought was a nod. 

__

Rey’s hand flew to her mouth and she took a sharp intake of breath upon seeing him. He looked terrible. His face was a picture of bruises, his eyes unfocused and staring, but the worst thing was that _awful_ gag in his mouth, stretching his cracked lips into a grimace. “Oh Ben what have they done to you,” she breathed. Her fingers scrabbled at the leather but her hands were shaking so much that she couldn’t work out how to undo it. The guards made no move to stop her, but they didn’t offer help either. 

__

Finally she managed to get the awful thing out of his mouth, and it hung around his neck like a collar. “Oh my fucking god, Ben,” Rey realised she was whispering under her breath, over and over. 

__

Ben turned his head to the side and spat blood onto the floor. A trickle of bloody spittle clung to his chin and Rey wiped it away with her sleeve. She ran her fingers lightly over him, searching for the worst of his injuries, and decided to start with his leg, which seemed to be broken in several places. 

__

“I need to get his leg out of this cuff,” she called to the guards. 

__

“What? You can’t do that!”

__

“It’s broken. I need to heal it.”

__

The guards looked thoroughly unconvinced. “Miss, we can’t uncuff him, do you have any idea how dangerous he is?”

__

Rey swore loudly. “Of course I do, I’ve fought him a dozen times!” She cried, exasperated. “But look at him now, he’s a fucking mess. And leaving him a mess is just _cruel_. How can you expect him to cooperate with questioning if you won’t even extend him some basic human dignities?”

__

“Look, _please_.” She implored. “It’ll only take ten minutes and then it’ll go right back in the cuff”. 

__

“It’s ok, Jones,” came Leia’s voice from the doorway, and Rey felt a rush of gratitude towards her. “Rey is right. None of the medics wanted to do it, but now Rey is offering.”

__

Reluctantly, one of the guards approached with the key. He passed it to Rey and then moved quickly back against the wall, clearly not wanting to be any closer to Ben than he needed to. 

__

Rey laid her hand as gently as she could on his bloodied leg, but even this made him twitch involuntarily. She called the force to her and poured her own energy into him, feeling the bones knitting back together, the mess of tissue starting to reform. Once his leg seemed mostly whole again, she moved on to other areas. The mess of ropes across his chest prevented her from removing his tunic to get a better look, but the force told her that there were burns under there, which she healed too. She sent some of her strength into his arms to soothe the desperate ache she felt there, and cradled his face in her hands, seeing the bruises melting away to nothing. When she felt she could do no more she fell back to her knees, cold and utterly exhausted. She had given him most of her energy. 

__

“Ok Rey,” came Leia’s voice again. “I think that’s enough for today, let’s get you some rest now.”

__

“Just one second!” Rey replied, in a croaky imitation of what was meant to be breezy.

__

Under the pretence of searching for more wounds to heal, Rey gripped his collar and put her mouth close to his ear. “Ben,” she whispered urgently, hoping only he could hear her, “Ben, please try to hear me. I know that what they did to you, leaving you like this for days, is awful. _Inhumane_. But please, please try to cooperate with them.” She could see Leia frowning from the doorway. “I promise I will do everything I can to make them treat you better, but until then _please_ don’t give them a reason to shoot you.”

__

Ben stayed silent.

__

She wiped her bloodied hands – his blood – on her shirt, then stood up and walked to the door.

__

“Thank you,” Ben rasped from behind her. 

__

Rey spun around. He wasn’t looking at her. His head hung forward again and he looked so spent, so defenceless, so _small_ despite his hulking size, that Rey wanted to run to him and cradle him in her arms, to kiss his hair and tell him that he was going to be ok.

__

Instead, she turned to glare at the nearest guard. “You’d better not put that fucking gag back on him,” she snapped, and followed Leia out into the hallway. 

__

***

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first ever fanfic - if you like it let me know and I’ll post another chapter! (or tbh I'll probably post another one anyway since I'm quite enjoying writing this... But it would be amazing to hear what you think since I've never had any feedback on my writing before!!)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for your feedback and comments, it's really inspiring!  
> Sorry it's taken me a while to update - I got caught up with reading some other amazing fanfics and i kind of lost my way with this one a bit, sort of couldn't work out who my characters were any more... I hope you like it! I plan to update sooner next time!

It was later that evening when Rey heard a small knock at her door. Without looking up she gestured for the door to open. 

“Hi,” said Rose.

Rey didn’t move. She felt too drained for conversation. She wished Rose would go away. She wished that people would stop giving her unsolicited advice.

“Thanks for coming by, Rose,” she said heavily, “but I swear if one more person asks me how I’m feel–”

“What have you got there?”

“What?” Rey was caught off guard by the question. She looked down at the jumble of metal parts on the floor. “Oh. This blaster is broken. I’m trying to fix it.”

“Can I help?” 

_No._ Rey thought. 

Rose crouched down. “You’ve got to be careful with these,” she said, touching one of the tubes gingerly. “Sometimes there’s still some plasma left in the pipes, even after you’ve detached the gas.” She grinned, pulling up her sleeve to reveal a shiny scar on her forearm. “I like to tell people I got this doing something heroic, but really…” she gestured to the floor and let out a small puff of air. She poked the tube again and, as if on cue, a tiny amount of plasma leaked out and hissed against the concrete floor.

“Why are you fixing this anyway? Why not put it in the lost and found like everyone else?”

Now it was Rey’s turn to grin. The _lost and found box_ was the ever-so-slightly-sarcastic name the techies gave to the large pile of broken weapons and machinery that would turn up on the floor of the workshop following a battle, waiting to be repaired. “Thought I’d take some of the strain off,” she shrugged. “Plus it helps me relax a little.”

“Like solving a puzzle,” Rose agreed. “It’s quite mindful, really. Although I suppose you Jedis do _actual_ mindfulness, not just _fixing-guns_ mindfulness,” she laughed.

“Hmm.” Rey grimaced slightly. “Not done much of that recently,” she admitted. 

“Well, you’ve had things on your mind.”

Rey scowled. She didn’t want to talk about the _other things_ on her mind. 

“What I’d suggest –”

_Here comes the advice about my feelings._

“Is to replace this bolt here.”

_What?_

“See how it’s slightly cracked? That’s probably what’s misaligning the gas cell.” Rose rummaged through Rey’s bucket of assorted parts, and pulled out a long metal screw. “This one could work. It’s not standard-issue, but then not much of our equipment is.” She shrugged.

Rey had almost forgotten she was talking to the best mechanic in the resistance. 

“There’s actually a trick to it that one of the other techies showed me.” She reached towards the body of the blaster. “Do you mind if I –”

“No, go ahead.”

After an hour of piecing together the various bits of junk that littered the floor, Rey was starting to relax again. She had been building up quite a collection of broken items with the intention of fixing or repurposing them in some way. 

“Oh yeah? What else you got?” Rose had asked. 

“A few things. Thought I’d start with something small before I move on to the big guns.” She snorted. “No pun intended.”

Some things were beyond repair, but Rose was inventive and suggested other uses for the parts. “That is one bespoke, custom-edition, made-to-order blaster right there,” she laughed, admiring their handiwork. “Hopefully it’ll serve you well.”

Rey smiled. “You should keep it.” 

“But it’s yours!”

“You’re the one who fixed it, and you certainly know it better than I do. Anyway,” Rey added, “I’ve already got a weapon.” 

Rose’s eyes flicked to the lightsaber on Rey’s desk. “I guess that’s true.” She smiled. 

Rose stood up and stretched her legs. “So,” she said, with an air of finality. She sat down on the small metal desk chair. “How is he?”

Rey’s stomach twinged. “Who?” She feigned ignorance.

“Bob from catering,” Rose said sarcastically. “You know who. Finn told me you saw him this evening.”

 _Of course he did_ , Rey thought. 

“C’mon, Rey,” she said gently. “I mean, what’s your plan here? Pretend he doesn’t exist? Split yourself in two with one half worrying and the other half refusing to admit it?” She paused. “If you ask me, all that 'a problem shared' crap is actually fairly accurate.”

Rey sat down heavily on the bed. “Ok fine. But _only_ because you saved me a nasty burn.” She sighed. “He looks like shit,” she admitted. 

Rose’s face remained impassive.

“He’s been strapped down in an interrogation room for days, probably ever since we got back here. He’s been unconscious, so presumably hasn’t eaten or drunk anything, no medical attention, leg still just as broken as it was on Exegol, dirty, bleeding –” Her voice cracked. “None of the medics wanted to go near him but they didn’t even send a droid in, nothing – ” she was shaking now. Rose quickly moved to sit next to her, and put an arm around her. Rey concentrated on mastering her breathing. _Do not cry. Not over him._

They sat in silence for a while.

“The interrogation room, huh? On one of _Vader’s_ ships. That’s grim.”

“That’s what I thought.”

More silence. 

“When I was on Starkiller,” Rey began, “You know, when – when they had me. Even there I was treated better than he is here.”

Rose turned to look at her. “Rey…” she said gently. “You know that was different.”

Rey sighed.

“Come on, they had no idea who you were back then. As far as they were concerned, you were no threat to them at all. But _him_ – I mean, he’s –”

“The biggest threat to the galaxy since – since sliced bread, I know” Rey finished. 

“Besides, didn’t he, er, torture you?” Rose looked at her quizzically. 

“Um, no, not really.” Rey rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly. “He er, tried to read my mind and then gave up. We didn’t really get to anything else…”

“But he would have, if you hadn’t escaped?”

“Probably.”

“Well.”

“Er, Rose, would you mind not telling anyone about this conversation?” Rey felt the heat rise to her face on realising that she had just compared the resistance to the First Order. “I just got carried away. Stewing, worrying. You know.”

“That’s why it’s good to talk about these things.”

Rey knew she was right. 

Rose left soon after – _“going for a drink with Finn”_ – meaning they were going to drink moonshine in the dining tent, which often became a lively space for socialising in the evenings. 

“Remember you can always come and find me,” Rose had reminded her. “If you want to chat, or you know,” she gestured at her new blaster, “build stuff.”

Rey smiled. She liked Rose. With her direct, matter-of-fact manner, she was a comforting presence. 

_–- I treated you like a perfect gentleman on Starkiller. You’re the one who blew up my planet and left me in the snow to die._

Rey squeaked in surprise and jumped off the bed. 

_–- Ben! How long have you been listening?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you so much for the feedback everyone! It means a lot to me. 
> 
> Quick warning that this chapter gets a bit dark and is quite violent -if that's not to your taste then you might prefer to skip it (i'll put a very brief non-graphic summary at the top of the next chapter so you won't miss any plot). But please stick with me, I promise the plot gets happier after this one!

_\-- Ben! How long have you been listening?_

_\-- Ever since your voice popped into my head telling me I look like shit._ There was a slight snicker to his voice. 

_\-- Well, you do._

_\-- I know._

_\-- Can you see me? I can’t see you._

Silence.

_\-- Ben?_

_\-- I can’t see anything. They put the hood back on after you left._

_\-- Oh._ Rey swallowed. _\--And, uh, the other thing?_

_\-- What other thing?_

_\-- You know what. Don’t make me say it._

_\-- Say it._

Rey gritted her teeth. _\-- The gag. You know that’s what I meant._

_\-- No. It’s still around my neck where you left it._

_\-- Good._ Rey paused. It felt strange to speak only in their minds. In the past she had always been able to see him when the force connected them. 

_\-- Why did you push me away before? When I was in the room?_

_\-- Uh…_ Ben seemed to struggle to find the words. _\-- It was – it was a bit of a mess in here._

_\-- In your head?_

More silence. 

_\-- How do you feel?_

_\-- Better._ He sounded strained. 

_\-- Have you eaten anything?_

_\-- No._

Rey sensed there was something he wasn’t telling her. 

_\-- They put an IV line in me,_ he said, after a long pause. 

_\-- What? Why?_

_\-- Fluids and nutrients. I suppose they didn’t want to free my hands. And I can’t imagine anyone wanted to spoon-feed me._ There was a derisory note to his voice. 

Rey felt slightly sick. 

_\-- There’s something else. Something else you’re not telling me._

_\-- I feel…very trapped._

_\-- Well I think that’s the point._

_\-- More than trapped. I think they’re drugging me. I can’t reach the force._

_\-- But we’re having this conversation._

_\-- That’s different. I’m not doing this on purpose. We’re just…linked, somehow, through the force. Anyway, I can feel the force, I just can’t seem to…use it._

For the first time, Rey felt a flicker of emotion from him. Fear. She wondered if he had ever been cut off from the force before. 

_\-- I haven’t. This is new._

Rey felt him stir. 

_\-- What is it?_

_\-- Someone has entered my cell._

_\-- At this time of night? Who?_

_\-- I don’t know._ A pause. _\-- The guard. Jones or whatever his name is._ Another pause. _\-- There’s a few of them._ There was a definite edge to his voice. 

Rey’s stomach clenched. _\-- Are you safe?_

Silence. 

_\-- Rey, I have to go._

_\-- Ben!_

Rey shuddered as she felt him forcibly break the connection. She was already running. 

*** 

Ben’s skin prickled as he felt the men fan out around him. There were three – no, four of them. He could smell the alcohol on them. He was intensely aware of his vulnerability, but certainly wasn’t going to show it. 

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the great _Kylo fucking Ren._ ” The man’s voice was heavy with sarcasm. “How the mighty have fallen.” 

The other men laughed, but there was no humour in their voices. They were definitely drunk, Ben thought. He wondered if he could make that work to his advantage, but he couldn’t think how. If only his head was clearer. 

He heard the sudden rush of steps and out of nowhere a fist punched him square in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him. Then he yelled in surprise as someone behind him grabbed hold of the leather strap around his neck and pulled it hard, choking him, so hard that the chair tipped and fell backwards. Ben tucked his head forward to avoid hitting it on the concrete floor. The impact knocked the air out of his lungs once more, but at least the pressure on his throat was gone and he could breathe again. A boot came down hard. Ben felt his nose break and hot blood spilled over his face and into his mouth. He savoured the pain. 

“Hope that hurts, _Supreme Leader_.” The voice dripped venom. “Just like it hurt when you TORTURED ME,” it roared. 

Ben didn’t recognise this voice. The only rebel he specifically remembered torturing was Poe Dameron, and that was only because he’d been impressed at Dameron’s resilience. He had tortured many people. He deserved this. 

“You stink, Ren,” a different voice spat. “You should take a shower.” Then cold water hit his face, so surprising that he gasped and inhaled water and retched. And then his head was reeling from another heavy kick, and everything was spinning, and he felt consciousness starting to slip from him. Feeling very detached from his body, he wondered if they would kill him, and thought that he wouldn’t mind that, if only they would get it over with, if they would spare him the humiliation of pouring water into his lungs and the raining blows on his face and chest. If only they would allow him the dignity of going out fighting – there’s no honour in attacking a man who is bound and drugged, he thought wryly. Then Rey’s face flashed into his mind and he wondered if he should call out to her through the bond, but no, she shouldn’t have to see this, and what’s done is done, and he can feel that it is almost done now, he barely feels their blows anymore and his thoughts are slowing down. 

Then suddenly he felt the hum of power and a voice scream “NO!”, and the blows ended and he felt the thuds of people falling around him. And he felt her hands upon him, his Rey, his angel, and she was unfastening his bonds and pulling off the hood, and tenderly lifting his head into her lap and healing his face, as her tears dripped onto him from above and mixed with his blood. 

*** 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For anyone who skipped the previous chapter due to my warning about violence, here’s what happened: Ben and Rey talk briefly through the force-bond and Ben confides in her that he thinks he is being drugged because he can’t seem to use the force to move things (his interpretation is that the drugs are making him too groggy to reach the meditative state that is required to wield the force). Their conversation is cut short when four men enter his cell and attack him. Rey comes to his rescue and stops them by knocking them unconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a really heartfelt thanks for the feedback you've been giving, it's really encouraging to know that people are reading and enjoying this story!

Rey wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, on the cold floor of Ben’s cell, with his head in her lap. It was probably no more than a few minutes, but it felt longer. She had finished healing his fresh wounds, but her hands remained on his face. His breathing was shallow and ragged. Neither of them spoke. She wanted to reach for him with her mind, but it felt somehow wrong, intrusive, to feel him so intimately after seeing him so vulnerable. He had pushed her mind away the last time she had been in this room; she doubted he would want her in his head now either.

After a while his breathing seemed to steady, and he rolled off her lap.

“Here –” Rey reached towards him, intending to wipe some of the blood off his face, but he flinched away and roughly dragged his own sleeve across his face.

“Fuck,” he said, quietly. He put his hands on his face, feeling his nose, and his cheekbones, no longer broken.

“Ben…”

He stood up, and staggered against the wall, where he leaned against it, carefully shaking out each of his legs, his muscles weak after days of confinement. He stretched his arms, and rolled out his shoulders and neck. His shirt clung to him – probably a mixture of blood and sweat, Rey thought – but it was hard not to notice the way the muscles in his chest rippled as he did so. He rubbed his wrists. There were welts where the shackles had bitten into his skin.

Rey stood up and reached toward him. “Here, let me –”

“It’s fine.”

They stood in uneasy silence.

Ben took a few steps and looked down at the unconscious bodies of his attackers. “Fuck,” he said, louder this time. “FUCK!” He slammed his fist into the wall.

Rey jumped. Even without the power of the force behind him, the room shook.

“Ben, don’t!” She cast around for words. “I know, ok, I know this is awful –”

“Oh, you know?” He was angry now.

“Ben, stop, ok? They can’t see you like this.”

“This was a mistake. What did you think would happen if they brought me here?” He paced the cell angrily, not making much effort to avoid stepping on the outstretched limbs of his attackers, strewn across the floor.

Rey felt a flush of annoyance. She’d been unconscious in the temple too; it hadn’t been _her_ idea to bring him here! She told him so.

“I understand. You don’t want me here.”

“That’s not what I meant!”

He looked around. “I should go. Now. While people are asleep.”

“What?” Rey’s heart thudded in her chest. “No! No, Ben, you can’t leave! Where would you even go?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer.

“Only Palpatine’s Final Order were destroyed on Exegol.” He spoke slowly, as if thinking carefully about his answer.

Rey’s blood went cold. “You want to go back to the First Order?” Tears were sliding down her cheeks now. “You can’t! That’s not you anymore!”

“Isn’t it?” He had stopped pacing and was staring at her, deadly serious.

Rey’s mind was racing. She couldn’t let him leave. Not when they were so close – close to _what_ , she wondered. A memory of their kiss in the temple flashed through her mind and she pushed it away. The resistance would know she helped him if he left now. She could fight him, she thought, but she doubted he would ever trust her again if she did.

“No, no you can’t do this! Please don’t go like this.” She was unpleasantly reminded of her words to him back onboard _The Supremacy,_ in Snoke’s throne room. “You can’t even use the force right now,” she tried to reason. “Stay –”

“Because there’s so much for me here?” He cut her off.

“Not right now, but there will be – give it time! Show them that you’re not Kylo Ren anymore, and they will start to trust you!”

“I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Rey stared at him. Rose’s words were ringing in her mind – “ _he’ll show everyone who he really is”_ – but what if the person ‘ _he really is’_ wasn’t the person she thought? She realised, with a touch of dread, that the same things, almost exactly, had happened on _The Supremacy_. He had come to her aid, saved her life, killed his master, yet still returned to the dark.

“Why? Why do you want to go back to the dark?” she demanded, desperately.

“I _don’t_ want to!” He was shouting now, his face contorted. “But it’s clear that the light won’t have me!”

“It’s not a question of _who will have you_! she shouted back. “It’s a question of what you _are! Inside! Ben Solo!”_

“I _killed_ the last Solo!” He was panting, as if he’d just run a race.

Rey forced herself to breathe. She extended her senses and could feel footsteps running down the corridor of the destroyer, still a few minutes away, but they would be here soon.

“Ben, people are coming.” Her voice was quiet now, more controlled.

He didn’t respond.

“Look at me.”

He reluctantly dragged his eyes to meet hers.

“If you fight them now, you’ll destroy any chance of the resistance accepting you.” She took a step closer. “You were a child. You were sent away from home – from family; you thought your jedi master tried to kill you so you went to the only person you thought you could trust, and he poisoned your mind, he tortured you for years – it’s no wonder that _Kylo Ren_ happened. People _will_ come to accept you when they understand that. You _will_ have a place here.” Another step forward. “But you need to let that take the time it needs. You need to be patient.” Another step. She stared into his eyes. “People need to feel that you’re not –”

“A monster.”

“– not, not _frightening!_ ” Rey gestured to the crack in the wall where he had punched it, then swallowed, guilty. “That was unfair. I completely understand why you’re angry. They could have killed you.”

She stepped close still. “I know that you can do this, Ben. I’ll help you.”

The cords of muscle in his jaw and neck twitched. There were only inches between them now. Rey reached a hand up tentatively, and, when he made no move to back away, laid it gently on the side of his face. She felt him breathe, a deep breath, his jaw still clenched, but he seemed to relax just the tiniest amount. She could hear the footsteps running down the hall now. Leia, and others whose presences she didn’t recognise.

She braced herself, then closed her eyes and, without allowing him time to react, sent her mind suddenly into his. He crumpled as he lost consciousness, and Rey caught him with the force and lowered him gently to the ground.

The door burst open.

***


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating – I’m back to reality with returning to work after the Christmas break, but I will try to still update at least once a week and hopefully more frequently. 
> 
> Also I’m super sorry about all the typos and formatting errors! I do proof-read before I post chapters but every time I re-read it I find more!
> 
> Once again thank you to everyone who read this, commented, or left kudos – it absolutely makes my day when I get a notification telling me that someone has enjoyed this story.

Ben stirred. He seemed to be lying on a cloud. It was blurry and soft and warm. He stretched his arms, enjoying the sensation. He opened his eyes fractionally, but all he could see was more of the blurry cloudiness around him. _Where am I?_ He blinked again. There was a darker patch of cloud further away, a shape he couldn’t quite make out. He closed his eyes. He was in no hurry to leave this place, whatever it was.

“Ben…”

A voice was calling him from far away. He recognised this voice. It was a nice voice, it felt like soft grass and smelled like fire and sand but in a good way. He reached an arm out to catch it, but it slipped through his fingers and he let out a little “oh” of disappointment.

“Ben..?” The voice came again, like dew in the morning, he thought, it sparkled. He opened his eyes to see the sparkle better, but found that it was gone.

The blurry shape was bigger now, and he found himself suddenly concerned that his white fluffy cloud was turning grey, perhaps filling up with rain, ready to rain him down onto the land below. _But what is the land below? Where am I?_ He tried to turn around to look below him, but the cloud was wrapped tightly around him, holding him.

From far away he heard a snicker. The voice was laughing! Laughing at him, but not in an unkind way. He laughed back, and the voice giggled again.

“Ben!”

“Wha… what’s happening?” The words felt awkward and fuzzy in his mouth. He blinked again, trying to take in his surroundings. The blurry shape hovered over him. “No…don’t want rain,” he protested.

Another snicker. “Come on, Ben. That’s it. I’ve brought you some caf.”

Ben groaned. His beautiful cloud was fading. He rubbed his eyes and the room swam into greater focus. He was in a small white bed, in a small white room, thoroughly tangled in the blanket.

“Am I dead?” he asked stupidly.

Rey smiled down at him. “No, just drugged up to your eyeballs,” she said. A slight frown. “Looks like they overdid it a bit.”

“Where am I?”

“Still with the resistance. You’ve been upgraded.” She gestured around at the room.

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the echo in his ears. “What?”

The events of the previous night – if indeed it was the next morning, he wasn’t sure – started to trickle back to him. He’d been tied to a chair, in a room that felt like the first order, but…grimier. The attack, the choking, the drowning. And then Rey.

“Rey!” He tried to sit up but immediately fell down again.

“Woah, ok take it easy.” Rey’s small hands steadied him.

 _She’s small, but strong,_ Ben thought. He decided to tell her this.

“Ha! Drink your caf.”

But he didn’t want caf. He wanted…he wanted – _Rey_. He looked up at her, and thought how sweet and pure she looked, dressed in white, surrounded by white in this white room. And him, dressed in black, bloody and dirty. He laughed out loud at the contrast between them. _My equal, my opposite,_ he thought sleepily. She hovered somewhere above him, and suddenly he knew that he wanted to feel his hands on her, to hold her in his arms like he’d done once before, and he reached up and caught her wrist, pulling her down towards him.

“Woah! What you doing there?”

Her smile faltered. She tried to steady herself but he pulled harder on her arm, wanting her nearer to him. This feels right, it’s what the force wants, he’s sure of it, and to hell with the force, it’s what _he_ wants. He reached up and wound his fingers through her hair, pulling her close.

“Ow – _No! Ben, stop!_ ”

A wall of force hit him, and he was pushed backwards onto the bed. The last thing he remembered was Rey’s furious face looking down at him.

The next time Ben awoke he found that once again he was restrained, his wrists cuffed to the wall above the bed. Rey was gone, and when he tried to reach out to her his mind was met with an icy wall of nothing.

***

Rey marched down the ramp of the destroyer into the jungle outside. Her mind was reeling. She knew she had to report to General Organa soon, but she allowed herself a few minutes amongst the trees to gather herself before she faced her. _Ben had tried to kiss her._ But it wasn’t how she’d hoped it might be. It had felt sloppy, lecherous, and downright degrading, his hands groping at her as he slurred her name through a haze of opiates. A tiny, rational voice, somewhere deep inside her, whispered that it wasn’t his fault, that he probably wouldn’t even remember she was there, that he probably would have tried to embrace anyone who showed him kindness at that moment, whilst he was at his lowest. But somehow this only stoked her fury against him. He’d threatened to leave, and then – _that_. She felt justified in her anger towards him. She clenched her jaw and attempted to adopt a meditation pose, then abandoned it in favour of walking angrily through the trees. _If only I’d had more sleep,_ she thought ruefully, _then I’d be able to think clearer._

The night had been a flurry of activity since she’d run to Ben in his cell and stopped the attack. When Leia and the two others – Commander Teelo and Commander Steel – burst into the room to find Rey surrounded by four unconscious guards, and Ben, covered in blood, at her feet, she’d had some explaining to do. She had described the attack on Ben, explaining that the force alerted her to something wrong, and she’d felt compelled to investigate. _I mean, it’s true,_ she thought guiltily. _The force did alert me to something wrong._ She saw the question-mark in Leia’s eyes, and avoided meeting her gaze. She explained that Ben had been so shaken following the attack that she’d put him into a force-induced sleep for his own safety – _which was also true_ , she justified. She said nothing of their mental link, or his thoughts to abscond.

The guards had been taken to the medical block to recover, leaving Rey alone with Leia and the unconscious Ben. Rey scowled, remembering how Leia solemnly assured her that they would all be demoted, as if this was punishment enough for their horrific assault on a man completely unable to defend himself.

~

Leia had knelt next to her son, placing a hand on his head.

Rey felt the urge to look away, suddenly feeling like an intruder on this tender moment.

“Thank you for healing him, Rey. Both times.”

Rey nodded.

“So it would seem that the drugs are blocking him from the force? Commander Teelo thought they might.”

Rey nodded again, but Leia wasn’t looking at her. She seemed to be talking to herself.

The two commanders returned, along with several others whom Rey didn’t recognise. It occurred to Rey that she didn’t actually know many of the resistance leaders. Sensing that it was not her place, Rey stayed out of their debate, instead choosing to move Ben to the corner of the room and sitting near him protectively, her back against the wall. She took the opportunity to heal some of his minor wounds that she’d missed earlier, including the welts at his wrists and the bloody scrape across his knuckles, hiding the evidence of his anger. Turning her attention back to the conversation, she found them in the midst of a heated discussion.

“I see no need to keep him restrained if he’s unable to access the force,” Leia was saying.

“With respect, General, we have no way of knowing if that is true. He could be toying with us.”

“You think _this_ is toying with us?” Leia’s voice was incredulous. “You don’t think he would have defended himself if he could? Kylo Ren has killed for a lot less,” she scoffed.

“I agree with the General,” a different voice cut in. “He’s killed people, and even without the force, the man is clearly dangerous! We cannot allow ourselves to lose sight of this.”

“But like it or not, he is a potential source of important intelligence!”

“I disagree, he is unlikely to tell us anything we don’t already know. The war is coming to an end. There is no reason to keep him alive.”

“The war may only just be beginning!”

Rey pursed her lips and stared at the ceiling as the argument continued.

Eventually, the general raised her hands. “ _Enough!_ ” she called. “I have heard your thoughts on the matter. But there is one person we haven’t heard from – Rey, what do you think?”

Rey tensed. “I – uh, well.” She swallowed. “You want to hear from me?”

Leia’s face was stern. “You have seen his mind. We haven’t. What do you think?”

Rey approached the table. “Well,” she began, “I’ve said since he arrived that there is good in him. As you know, he turned on his master to save us from Palpatine, and nearly lost his life in the process, and there was conflict in him long before that. And I have seen his mind –”

A ripple of interest travelled through the room.

“The healing process,” she continued hastily, “requires me to look inside him. And I’ve healed him twice now.” She averted her eyes guiltily, hating herself for the lie. She wanted to tell them about the bond, she really did, but she knew this would position her as too close to Ben, ruining her credibility.

“I believe he will cooperate in the right circumstances” she continued. “But so far his treatment at our hands is working against us. You are seeking to break him, by keeping him weak. But his old master tortured him for years, mentally and physically – he is accustomed to this treatment. He won’t break. But if we treat him better he might turn. Show him that we are not the monsters he is used to.” Rey’s face burned as she forced herself to make eye contact with the resistance leaders.

They had eventually agreed on moving the prisoner to a cell with a bed, and reducing the level of physical restraint used, provided that he continue to receive sedatives to block him from using the force. To Rey’s surprise, they had also agreed to give him a small window of time each day away from his restraints, allowing him use of his hands to eat and shower. The caveat was that Rey was required to be present, since, as the only other force-user, she was the only person who they felt could control him. She wasn’t sure how she felt about this. On the one hand, she was glad of the chance to spend time with him, however it put her in the uncomfortable position of being his jailer.

~

Rey stubbed a toe against a tree root, the pain bringing her back to the present. She cringed slightly as she remembered how happy she had felt at the prospect of spending time with Ben every day, before he had done – _that._ Then she swore under her breath and broke into a run, realising she was also late to deliver her report to the general.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I have another chapter almost ready because I accidentally wrote them back-to-front, I need to proof read and then hopefully I'll post later on today or tomorrow morning! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second of the two chapters from today - hope you like it!

Rey arrived at General Organa’s office, slightly late and sweating in the midday heat.

“So how is he?” Leia asked.

“High as a kite,” Rey said. She wasn’t in the mood to sugarcoat her answers, and besides, she knew that the general preferred to hear things straight. “No one’s going to get any information out of him when he’s like this, he probably doesn’t even know his own name.”

Leia pursed her lips. “Damn it,” she muttered. “I knew they’d give him too much.”

“I brought him a cup of caf to see if it might sober him up, but he couldn’t work out what to do with it.”

The corner of Leia’s mouth twitched slightly. “I imagine that was…amusing,” she said eventually.

Rey lowered herself into a chair. “It was, at first,” she admitted.

“At first?”

Rey looked down, not wanting to discuss the events of the morning with the general.

Leia sighed. “I trust you to tell me if it was something important to the resistance, Rey.” She was studying Rey carefully. “I can see that you care about him.”

Rey felt the heat rose to her face. She wasn't sure how she felt about him now. “I just – just want what’s best for the resistance, General.” She said stiffly. “I believe he can be turned if he receives kindness.”

“Of course. Me too.” There was something slightly conspiratorial in Leia’s voice. Or maybe Rey had just imagined it.

Leia rummaged in a drawer and pulled out a small datapad. “I’m going to need you to try to put any feelings about him aside, Rey.” She pressed a button and a holomap projected into the space between them.

Rey looked at it, puzzled. She didn’t recognise any of these systems.

“This is a map of the planets where we _believe_ the First Order are holding their armada.” She pressed another button and a dozen or so of the planets glowed red. “It was recovered from one of the xyston-class star destroyers on Exegol, during the clean-up. We don’t know if Palpatine was planning on incorporating them into his Final Order or whether he planned to destroy them. If we can hit them now, whilst they are still weakened, we have a real chance of finally ending this war.” Leia locked eyes with Rey. “This is strictly confidential, of course,” she said sternly.

Rey nodded.

“As you probably noticed, this is a system beyond the reach of our knowledge of the galaxy. We don’t know where these planets are. But I believe that Ben might. And I think you might be the best person to try him first.”

Rey swallowed. She didn’t like where this conversation was heading. “Oh – General, I’m flattered but I’m not sure – perhaps someone else could –”

“Oh there are plenty of others desperate to have a go,” Leia cut in. There was a steely glint in her eyes. “They have some rather… _specific_ thoughts on how to extract information from a high-ranking First Order prisoner.” The corner of her mouth twitched downwards, but she recovered instantly, leaving Rey wondering if she had imagined it.

Rey felt a knot forming in her stomach as she realised what Leia meant.

“Rey, your orders are to extract this information from the prisoner.” Rey winced internally at Leia’s use of ‘ _the prisoner’_. “Take as much time with him each day as you need, and do whatever it takes. This takes precedence over your jedi training for now. You have a week.” She fixed Rey with her steely gaze once more. “After a week I’ll have no choice but to allow the others to interrogate him.”

Rey’s eyes widened. “But –”

“I cannot show favouritism here Rey.” Leia’s mouth was set in a hard line. "And the resistance is not a dictatorship. I might be the general, but I don't have the authority to overrule the other leaders. So make sure you get the intel from him first.” Her voice was almost a whisper as she pressed the datapad into Rey’s hands, and Rey understood she was dismissed.

***

Rey spent the afternoon and early evening forcing herself to meditate. Her stomach felt heavy with the knowledge of what she had to do, and what it would mean if she failed. A few times she had felt Ben's mind brush against hers, but she slammed the doors of her mind closed, blocking him out. She couldn't allow herself to be distracted by him, not any more. She told herself this firmly, and repeatedly, and every time she felt her mind wandering back to him she forced herself to re-form the barrier around her mind, and reminded herself that this was as much for his sake at it was for the sake of the resistance. _And besides,_ she thought, _he has no right to talk to me after what he did._

It was already dark when she returned to her room in the housing compound. She flicked open the holomap and studied it carefully, trying to memorise every detail.

She felt sick with worry; for the resistance, for her task ahead, for Ben and what might happen to him if she couldn't persuade him to talk, or if he genuinely didn't know where the planets in the holomap were. There was another emotion too, a bright spark of anger and frustration and disgust, both at Ben and also at herself. Anger that she had been saddled with this task, anger at Ben for the fact that they were linked, anger that she cared, anger that he had the power to make her angry at all.

Rey was so engrossed in her thoughts that she must have let her shields drop, and she didn’t see Ben materialise behind her. He cleared his throat as if to announce his presence, and she jumped in surprise. He had appeared on her bed, sitting with his back to the wall and his hands above his head, shackled – she presumed – to the wall behind him in his cell.

“Get out,” she said sharply. She tried to slam the bond closed but she felt him push back, straining to hold the connection.

“Wait! Just hear me out.”

“No. I’m busy. If you want to see me you can wait until your interrogation.”

"I - what interrogation?" He looked confused, and Rey silently cursed herself for letting the information slip so easily.

"Never mind." Rey focused her mind and sent another wave of force energy towards him, trying to break the link between them.

“I just – want to talk,” he said, grunting with the effort of fighting her.

“Well that’s too bad,” she snapped. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Rey. _Please_.” A bead of sweat appeared on his brow and he rubbed his face against his shoulder, trying to wipe it away.

Rey rolled her eyes. “Fine,” she relented, “but make it quick.” She stopped trying to push him out of her head and he relaxed, panting a little.

“Thank you.”

She glared at him. “What is it?” she demanded. She knew she should be focusing on the map, preparing for tomorrow. She should refuse to talk to him. W _ho has a private chat with the prisoner the night before his interrogation?,_ she thought, _I’m doing this all wrong_. But somehow this distraction was...easier.

Ben looked uncomfortable.

“Yes?” She crossed her arms, waiting.

“I’m – I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely.

Rey looked at him impassively. She could sense the effort it had taken for him to apologise, _the spoiled brat_ , she thought. “Oh? What for?”

He at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself. “You know what for.” He stared into his lap.

“Say it.” She had no intention of making this easy for him.

He exhaled angrily. “For…” he looked up at her and gritted his teeth, “you’re really going to make me say it out loud?”

“Yes.”

His lip curled into a snarl of frustration. “Fine!” he growled. “I’m sorry for trying to kiss you.”

“You did more than just that.”

“I – what?” he looked genuinely confused. “I did?”

Rey sent a memory at him, recalling his fist clutching at her hair, yanking her towards him.

He lowered his eyes. “I was including that under the banner of _‘trying to kiss you’_.”

“And you thought that was an appropriate way of trying to kiss me.”

Rey scowled. It wasn’t just anger she felt, it was _disappointment._ Disappointment that this was how things had turned out, how _he_ had turned out. Her stomach clenched as she remembered the flutter of panic she’d felt when he’d grabbed at her, that feeling of being overpowered, just like he'd done to her in the woods on Takonda, and again on Starkiller.

“I – _shit,_ Rey _._ ” He trailed off mid-sentence, and Rey realised he’d caught a glimpse of her emotion.

Ben was staring at carefully at his knees, avoiding her gaze. “It wasn’t my intention to frighten you.” His jaw was clenched.

Rey pursed her lips. “Is that all?” she asked.

His brows knitted together in a frown. “But – aren’t you going to forgive me?”

“Not right now, no.”

“But I said I’m sorry.”

“You apologised. That doesn’t require me to say you’re forgiven,” Rey scoffed. “If you’re feeling guilty that’s your problem, don’t expect me to absolve you.”

“That’s not fair!”

“You sound like a child,” Rey said icily. “You attack me but somehow _I’m_ being unfair?”

“You want to talk about being attacked?” Ben’s voice was rising. “How about the fact that I was attacked by _four_ men whilst I was bound, drugged, and blindfolded at the behest of your resistance _friends_ ,” he spat.

“And I _seem_ to remember saving your life from that attack – ”

“Only to attack me again yourself,” he snarled.

“I – wait, what?” Now it was Rey's turn to be confused. Even as she scowled at him, a small part of her mind protested that she could never attack him. Not again. Not now.

“I know you knocked me unconscious, I didn’t just slip into a drug-addled coma all by myself.”

“To save you from – from ruining your chances here!” Rey was on her feet now.

“How gallant of you,” he observed coolly.

“And the drugs were _not_ my idea. I _tried_ to defend you!” she added hotly.

“But this is my point – the drugs – you _know_ I wasn’t myself!” Rey flinched as he sent a blurry memory at her, an echo of her voice… _“…drugged up to your eyeballs...looks like they overdid it…”_

“You think it’s awful feeling overpowered,” he continued, “ _you_ try being drugged and chained to various walls and chairs and beds for days on end!” He jerked his arms against the restraints, as if to demonstrate.

“Oh you mean like you did to me on Starkiller? Waking up chained to an interrogation table with you riffling through my mind?”. Rey’s face burned. How _dare_ he accuse her of being in the wrong?

“ _That was war!”_ he roared.

“Well so is this!” she screamed back. She was suddenly so angry she had half a mind to march up to his cell and punch him.

“You said yourself that I didn’t torture you on Starkiller!” His face was red with rage now too.

“Oh my fucking _hero._ Thanks to your woefully inadequate mind-reading abilities you stomped off to fetch your master, giving me a few precious minutes to escape.”

"I kept Hux and everyone else away from you, it could have been _so much worse!"_

“You hardly did that for _my_ benefit! You just wanted to keep the glory for yourself when you read my mind – which you _didn’t,_ because you’re _weak_!”

“Oh force will you _shut up!_ ” he spat. “Every word out of your mouth makes me want to _choke you!_ ”

“And I’d expect nothing less from the great _Kylo Ren_ ,” she fired back.

Ben took a shuddering breath. His face was flushed and the veins in his neck stood out, his hands clenched into fists, suspended comically above his head.

“Look,” he said, and Rey could tell it was taking all his control to hold back and keep from screaming at her. “I apologise for scaring you. For trying to kiss you. I behaved horribly.” He was staring stubbornly at the ceiling now. “Force’s sake, you must realise that even I know that’s an awful way to go about seducing a woman! I was fucking sedated, I didn’t know what I was doing, _kriff,_ I don’t think I even had control of all my limbs!”

“Oh don’t play nice with me!” Rey snapped, suddenly more furious than ever. She hated him, despised him with every fibre of her being, and she was _not_ ready for this fight to end.

“Fine!” he snarled. “Then you shouldn’t have woken me when I was in that state, this was _your fault!_ All that shit about bring me _caf_ , what were you really doing? What did you really want?” His voice had taken on a darker tone.

“You don’t get to take the high ground here! You didn’t want to seduce me you wanted to _own_ me, just like on Starkiller, just like on Supremacy, _same old Kylo Ren!_ ” She said it in a sing-song voice, because she knew this would annoy him more, and she was not disappointed.

Ben _roared_ in frustration, straining against his wrist cuffs. “YOU ARE THE MOST INFURIATING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET!”

“AND SO ARE YOU!”

They stared at each other, both panting heavily. Rey felt a bead of sweat run down her neck. She took a step towards him, her hands balled into fists. He stared at her, lips parted, his chest rising and falling. For a brief, absurd nanosecond, Rey imagined herself tearing off his restraints and throwing her arms around him.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and they both froze. “Rey? Are you ok?” Rey recognised Rose’s voice.

Ben met her eyes, then vanished.

 _Shit!_ Rey thought, looking around frantically for anything that might explain the noise.

Rose knocked again. “Can I come in?”

Rey threw her hand out, using the force to block the door closed. “Uh, I’m fine Rose,” she called. “Just a – a bad dream. Sorry to disturb you.”

“A dream?” Rose sounded dubious. “Who were you talking to?”

“No one! I mean, not no one, but no one I know. In the dream, that is.” Rey paused, willing Rose to give up and leave. “I don’t want to see anyone right now Rose, I’ll see you at breakfast tomorrow.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!


	8. Chapter 8

Rey arrived late for breakfast. She’d slept poorly last night. She couldn’t help but think that she had already ruined any chance of this interrogation going well, before she had even started. Her mind kept returning to their argument. Yes, she was angry with him, and he was clearly angry with her. But there had been something almost _exhilarating_ about their fight. Not as good as facing him with a lightsaber, but close to it.

She served herself a bowl of porridge and sat down in a space next to Poe. She noticed that Finn had his arm around Rose, _a new development_ , she thought.

“So what was all that last night?” Rose asked, once Rey had gotten settled.

“Yeah, we heard yelling? Coming from your room,” Finn added.

Rey’s eyebrows shot up. It sounded like Finn had spent the night, or at least a portion of the late evening, in Rose’s room, next door to Rey’s. Finn coughed and averted his gaze.

“Sorry about that,” Rey started. “I had a nightmare.”

It was true, she _had_ had a nightmare, just much later in the night. She’d dreamed that she was watching Ben through the observation glass of the interrogation room – she’d failed to persuade him to give up any information, and now he was surrounded by several of the resistance leaders and an array of cruel-looking instruments, sobbing in pain, foaming at the mouth, his eyes rolling back into his head –

She jerked back to the present and shook her head, trying to rid herself of the memory. She explained the task that Leia had given her, leaving out the confidential details.

Rose’s hand flew to her mouth. “No wonder you’re stressed!”

“So how d’you think you’ll approach it?” Finn asked.

“I really don’t know,” she said, running a distracted hand through her hair. “I can’t see any reason for him wanting to defend the first order anymore, maybe it’ll be easy…” She trailed off.

Poe was looking decidedly uncomfortable. “I don’t like this at all,” he said with a scowl. “What does the general think she’s doing, sending you in there as some kind of… some kind of _bait?_ ”

“Excuse me?”

He shifted in his seat. “Bait is the wrong word. But come on, it’s clear that Ren has some kind of twisted _thing_ for you – he’s chased you all over the galaxy for force’s sake.” He stabbed at his porridge with his spoon. “It’s like she’s offering him time with you in exchange for information.”

“Oh, _thanks,”_ she retorted, sarcastically.

“No, I mean, that came out wrong,” he said, looking slightly guilty. “I’m sure you’re also a great interrogator, Rey. But it’s not like you’ve had much experience or training or anything.”

Rey raised one eyebrow.

“Ok I’m digging a hole here. It just doesn’t seem fair on you, that’s all. It’s a big responsibility, why not send someone higher-ranking in? Someone with a bit more experience? Personally, I’d love to have a go at that bastard,” he muttered.

“Wouldn’t everyone,” Finn added, darkly.

“Hmm, I think that’s what the general is worried about,” Rey mused. “It’s the distinction between _breaking_ him versus _turning_ him. Going in there and beating him up, or whatever other ideas you’re having, will only piss him off. Which won’t help us. Anyway, I think Snoke gave him some pretty extensive, um – _training_ – on withstanding torture.”

Rose looked slightly sick, and immediately put her spoon down.

“He needs to actually want to help us.”

“And it’s your job to, what, charm the information out of him?” Finn was talking now.

Rey scowled. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “It sounds crude when you put it like that.”

“Just be careful, ok?” warned Rose.

“I will.” Somehow it felt less annoying when Rose was the one warning her. “I don’t really have a strategy,” Rey continued, “But I don’t really have time to think about it, I need to go see him now anyway so he can have a shower.”

Finn and Poe both choked on their food. “ _What?”_ Poe demanded.

Rey felt herself blushing, and quickly explained what she meant – ‘ _it’s not like I have to_ watch _him shower, just be there as a guard!’_ – before hastily standing up to excuse herself.

***

Ben was dozing when Rey entered his cell. She waved her hand in his direction, causing the wrist restraints to click open. His arms fell and he jerked awake, regarding her uncertainly.

“I brought you a peace offering.” She gestured to her bag.

“Oh?” He pushed himself upright and stretched out his arms.

“Yes.” There were no chairs so she sat on the floor opposite him, her back to the wall. “Fresh clothes, soap, a towel,” she pulled the items out as she spoke, “and most importantly, breakfast.” She produced a canteen filled with porridge, a loaf of bread, and a large flask.

He eyed the flask. “Caf?” His mouth twitched.

“Tea.” She felt the heat rising to her face, and forced herself to hold his gaze.

He gave a short, humourless laugh and pulled the canteen towards him, eating hungrily. “Force that’s good,” he said, gesturing with the spoon. He stopped eating for a minute, his eyes focusing on something beyond the room. “I was worried they were going to put that fucking IV back in.” He glanced towards the door. “That thing gave me the creeps.”

Rey nodded slightly, unsure of what to say.

He reached for the flash and took a swig of tea. Then he laughed, a real laugh this time, and shook his head. “I actually prefer caf. Not that I’m complaining. I’m grateful you brought anything.” He went back to devouring the porridge.

Rey made a small sound of acknowledgement.

“I don’t actually think you had some ulterior motive for bringing me caf.” He gestured at her. “Heat of the moment, you know.”

“Yes.” Rey was surprised at how chatty he seemed. Perhaps he was just bored after almost a week in isolation. “And I accept your apology.”

He looked up.

“From yesterday?” she prompted.

“Oh. Good.”

He tore the loaf of bread in half. There was something satisfying about watching him eat.

“And I’m sorry for repeatedly calling you ‘Kylo Ren’,” Rey added. She watched him carefully for a reaction. “Heat of the moment,” she echoed.

Ben gave a small shrug. He opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. “Not sure ‘Ben Solo’ is any better,” he muttered eventually.

He offered Rey the flask, but she shook her head. Sharing a flask felt strangely intimate. _I should have brought cups._

Ben suddenly looked wary. “It’s not – ?” he gestured at the flask.

“What? No!” Rey shook her head vigorously. _He thinks it’s drugged_ , she realised. “No, look, I’ll have some.” She moved to pull the flask towards her.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to.”

They regarded each other in silence for a while. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, Rey noted.

“So, are you feeling, uh, less –”

“Less loopy, definitely,” he nodded. “Still can’t reach the force, though.” He finished eating and sat back on the bed, his back against the wall. “So, uh, how does this work?” He was eyeing the fresh clothes and the towel she’d brought him.

“Oh!” Rey jumped up. “There’s a fresher through here,” she showed him.

Ben nodded. “I wondered what that door was. I couldn’t, you know, get up to investigate…” His eyes flicked back to the wrist restraints.

Rey’s stomach clenched. “A mechanic had a look at the shower. It should work now.”

She sat back against the wall whilst she waited. She could feel the datapad in her pocket but decided against bringing it up today. After a few minutes he emerged, wet hair and dressed in the simple khaki trousers and linen shirt favoured by the resistance. He flicked the towel over the back of the fresher door and left it there.

“I can’t tell you how good it feels to brush my teeth after, what, a week?” He smiled ruefully, sitting back on the bed, facing her. “I don’t suppose you could bring me a razor?”

“Oh, um, maybe…” Rey wasn’t sure if this would be allowed. “Perhaps if I take it away with me when I leave…”

He nodded. “I get it. I wouldn’t have let a prisoner hold on to a razor either.” He ran his hand over the dark stubble on his face.

They sat in silence again. Rey rested her head against the wall, listening to the sound of his slow, rhythmic breathing. She wondered if he had slipped back into sleep.

“I had a dream last night,” Ben murmured, after some time. His eyes were half closed. “A nightmare.”

Rey just looked at him, waiting for him to continue.

“And I reached out to you. And you were having the same dream.”

Rey felt her mouth fall open. “What?” She sat upright. “You saw my dream?” She wasn’t sure how she felt about this. It felt… violating, somehow.

“Or you saw mine?” His eyes were still half closed, and he gave a little grimace. “It _hurt_ , Rey.”

“What hurt?” Rey’s voice was hoarse. She dreaded his answer.

“What they were doing to me in the dream.”

Rey thought her heart might break. “Ben…”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. “Still nothing compared to Snoke, but still not what you want, you know?” He gave a short laugh, or it might have been a sob, Rey couldn’t tell. “Not from people you’re hoping will accept you…”

Rey shuffled forwards on the floor. She hesitated, then took his hands in hers. His head jerked up and he looked at her with wide eyes.

“They will accept you,” she whispered. She had to believe this was true.

Ben shook his head. He slid down off the bed so he was sitting on the floor in front of her. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” He held her gaze. “What’s happening, Rey?”

Rey felt a little jolt behind her navel at the sound of her name.

“Will I have a trial? An execution? You mentioned an interrogation… is that why you’re here now? Why did we both dream of me being tortured last night?” He kept his voice steady.

“I – I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything about a trial,” she said truthfully. “And I think if they wanted to execute you they would have done it already.”

“What else?” he murmured.

Rey sighed. She’d hoped she wouldn’t have to bring this up so quickly. “Information,” she breathed. “They want information about the first order.”

“Is that why you’re here? To get information?”

“Yes.”

His expression flickered, and he pulled his hands away from hers. “I should have known this wasn’t a social visit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, your feedback absolutely gives me life, please let me know if you're enjoying it! :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one today I'm afraid - the next one will be longer I promise!

_“Is that why you’re here? To get information?”_

_“Yes.”_

The echo of her words washed over him like hot shame. _Of course it wasn’t a social visit._ Ben bit the inside of his cheek and resolved to have some more dignity the next time Rey came. _If_ she came. He assumed that she would, since she hadn’t asked him anything about the First Order yet, and that was her only reason for visiting him. He scowled as he realised that that was probably the reason why she’d stormed into his cell and healed him on that first day he’d woken up, and again after he was attacked in the night. It was a good tactic, really – to have the entire resistance treat him like scum (and deservedly so) but have Rey treat him kindly – no wonder she’d stood out like a shining beacon of hope. And it had worked, too – he _had_ been ridiculously, pathetically grateful to see her each time. He probably would have told her anything.

He wondered if it had been his mother’s idea, to use Rey to get to him. His mother had always been an expert manipulator, but then he’d also proven himself easy to manipulate over the years. He hadn’t seen her yet, but he had felt glimpses of her, hovering behind the mirror (which he assumed was two-way glass) in the interrogation room, or outside the door to his current cell. She probably couldn’t bear to look at him after what he’d done to Han, but perhaps she had to be there to supervise various goings-on given that she was the highest-ranking officer in the resistance, and he their most high-profile prisoner.

He shook his head, wondering, not for the first time, if he should try to leave. He was fairly certain he could rip the shackles out of the wall if he really tried – it might lead to a few broken bones in his wrists, but it was nothing he hadn’t endured before at the hands of Snoke. And the force would come back to him once that kriffing drug wore off. But where would he go? For the first time in his life he was without a plan, without orders or a purpose. For as long as he could remember he’d always had some task or mission to complete, whether from the First Order or from Skywalker before that. Now he was just – waiting. Probably for an interrogation and likely torture or execution after that. _Great plan._ He rolled his eyes.

When he’d run to Rey on Exegol he hadn’t exactly planned on making it out alive, and as such he’d never thought about how things might go if he actually turned from the dark side. _Have I turned?_ _I’m not even sure what that means._ Yes, his allegiance no longer lay with the First Order, not exactly anyway. But he wasn’t sure it lay with the resistance, either. The First Order were ruthless and brutal, but they _were_ trying to bring order and control to the galaxy. The resistance wanted _peace_ , but from what he understood about them they were impulsive, weak, disorganised to the point of embarrassing, and had no real plan for how they would maintain peace if they ever did defeat the First Order. He wasn’t even sure that there _could_ be peace without order and control. But then, he had never been one for strategizing – he’d always left these finer details to the likes of Hux and Pryde, preferring to execute his will through brute strength instead.

Being cut off from the force made him feel uncomfortable and exposed, like losing touch with the part of himself he knew best. He’d always used the force as a shield, wrapping himself in it like a cocoon, relishing the crackle of power and the fear that radiated from others when they sensed it on him. The force allowed him to hide underneath the powerful cloak of _Kylo Ren_ , and when the nightmares came he pulled it tighter around him and filled himself with the dark side, drowning in it until his fear and pain became his greatest strength. He felt disturbingly _mortal_ without it. Vulnerable.

He’d felt vulnerable with Snoke too, of course. All those hours spent kneeling on the floor of the throne room with Snoke combing through his every thought, trying to suppress his shudders as Snoke dealt out punishment for those thoughts that were less-than-worthy. Sometimes he’d feel glad that his mask hid the terror on his face, before he’d remember that it didn’t matter – Snoke knew everything. As he’d grown older his fear had morphed into anger. Snoke liked this, and encouraged it by punishing him more often, and for longer. But at least with the First Order he’d later have the freedom to take out his fury in whatever way he saw fit – mostly on whatever piece of equipment he was nearest, much to the annoyance of Hux and probably every mechanic in the First Order who’d had to clean up after him; frequently on those storm troopers unfortunate enough to get in his way; and of course in the training hall with his knights and anyone else foolish enough to volunteer to spar with him. A few times when he was a younger man he’d flown down to the surface of the nearest planet and picked up a girl or visited a whorehouse, hoping to fuck the pain away. Most women would leap at the chance to sleep with the heir to the galaxy, but he’d always suspected that a few had complied only out of fear. Snoke liked this too, of course, since his self-disgust served to better channel the dark side. He’d always tried to assuage his guilt afterwards by tossing the girl a heavily loaded credit chip, promising that it would lift her out of her poverty.

But here – here there was no option of taking out his frustration on anything. Here he had to _behave_ because, force or no force, he could _smell_ the fear on everyone who so much as passed by the door to his cell. Everyone except Rey, that is. Here, he had to try to pass for someone who had at least some semblance of sanity and self-control because, ridiculous as it sounded in his head, Rey had begged him and he’d promised her that he wouldn’t give the resistance another reason to shoot him. So he sat. And he behaved. And he allowed Rey to put him back in the cuffs when she left, doing his best to ignore the distress on her face and the way her hair smelled as she leaned over him to fasten his wrists to the wall. And he allowed those bastards to come in and inject him with whatever poison it was that stopped him reaching the force, no matter how much he wanted to tear the cuffs out of the wall and choke the life out of them. It was driving him fucking crazy, but he’d promised he would try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'd love to know what you thought of this chapter! I was trying to show some of the conflict in Ben, and also the fact that he's suffered a lot but at the same time Kylo Ren has done some really shitty things (like engaging in sex with some pretty dubious consent) that might not be redeemable...


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter!  
> I'm afraid posts for this story are going to be a lot less frequent for the next few months, due to the fact that my PhD is killing me right now!! Sad times... I have ideas that I want to play out in this story and l'll still update when I can, but I need to prioritise other things for the time being :(

_Clack._

_Clack._

_Thwack._

“Argh!” Poe stumbled backwards. “Rey! We’re doing first _touch_ not first _wallop_! You might have cracked a rib!”

“Kriff! Poe, I’m so sorry!” Rey threw her staff aside in the training ground – little more than a large clearing in the trees – and rushed to him.

“Here, let me just –”

She placed a hand on his side and reached towards him with her mind, then straightened up with a quizzical look on her face.

“You haven’t cracked a rib!” She hit him lightly on the shoulder in mock outrage.

“Might have done, if it weren’t for my _fabulous_ reflexes,” he grumbled. He flashed her a wolfish grin.

“Ha! You’re such a faker!” Rey grinned back. “Don’t you try and garner sympathy from me – you’re the one who suggested we spar.”

“That was before I knew how much pent up rage you clearly have!” Poe yanked off his shirt with a laugh, examining the bruise blooming on his ribcage.

“Oh kriff, I did hit you pretty hard –”

“I _told_ you!”

Poe's hair was damp and he was out of breath, but he was smiling so Rey wasn’t too worried about his feigned annoyance at her.

“Come on then, let me fix you.” She held out her hand towards him, palm up, and Poe moved towards her. Once again, she placed her hand on his side and sent her energy towards him.

The bruise receded and Poe gave a small hiss.

Rey looked up sharply. “You ok?”

“Fine, just feels funny. Ticklish.”

He ran his hand over his ribcage whilst Rey retrieved their training staffs. A handful of new recruits had gathered at the edge of the clearing and were watching her closely, and Rey felt something in her expression harden as she walked back towards Poe. He noticed her expression and his eyes flicked towards the huddle of newbies.

“Alright folks, show’s over,” he called across the field. “Let me lick my wounds in peace!” He turned to Rey. “What’s up?” he asked, quieter.

She nodded towards the retreating recruits. “They’re scared of me.”

Poe sat down on the grass. “Well, you do cut an impressive figure on the battlefield…”

Rey sank down next to him and Poe put his arm around her.

“C'mon Peanut, don't overthink this, yeah? They know you're a great person.”

“They're scared because I'm a – because I use the force.”

Poe sighed. “Well...maybe a little..." He was avoiding meeting her gaze. “I mean they shouldn't be… hell, if the first order attacked tomorrow you'd be the one saving all of our asses! But, you know, the force just feels a bit creepy for us people who can't sense it…”

Rey nodded. “That’s what I keep hearing.” She pulled out a flask of water and offered it to Poe.

“Seriously though,” he continued, “they're scared of everyone. They're definitely scared of Leia, and you should have seen them when Maz visited last week," he chuckled. "Although to be honest I'm also quite scared of Maz."

Rey laughed despite herself. “Well you should be! Rose overheard her grilling you on your latest conquests before she left…”

“Well, you know me…” He smirked and winked at her.

“Poe!”

He threw his head back and laughed. “Seriously though, she flies all this way from Takodana, supposedly for some _top secret, ultra-important briefing,_ yet somehow _still_ finds time to corner me in the men’s room and demand to know when someone’s going to make an honest man of me.” He shook his head. “There’s no denying it, the woman’s a legend.”

Poe's good humour was infectious, and Rey found herself smiling as they headed back to base. Finn and Rose joined them as they entered the dining tent.

“So, how was it this morning with Darth Grumpy?” Finn asked casually.

Rey choked on her water and Rose sniggered.

“You know – tall, dark, and grouchy? The surly leader? I can’t think of any more…”

Poe elbowed him in the ribs. “Oh, man! I’d only just gotten her mind off him! Rey deserves a few hours a day where she doesn’t have to think about that – that –”

“Why do you say he’s grumpy?” Rey asked, genuinely curious.

“I was a storm trooper, remember? His bitch-fits were pretty legendary.”

“I wonder whether those _bitch-fits_ were _directly_ related to being mentally and physically tortured, or just _indirectly_?” Rey said, sarcastically.

Finn reddened. “Take all the fun out of it, why don’t you,” he muttered.

“Shut up Finn.” Rose gave him a stern look, then turned back to Poe. “What were you two talking about before we interrupted?”

“Oh just my _excellent_ track record with the young men and women of the base.” Poe smirked, draping his arm over Rey’s shoulder in an exaggerated gesture. Rey pulled a face and shrugged him off, embarrassed. 

“I hear you’re getting yourself quite the reputation – how you haven’t caught some kind of disease is beyond me.” Rose wrinkled her nose as they sat at one of the long tables.

“Well I’m very careful, the trick is –”

“Stop – I don’t want to know! I’m still traumatised by the fact that you slept with my sister!”

Poe’s grin slipped for a moment. “Paige was different though. I would have – I wanted to –”

“It’s ok. I shouldn’t have mentioned her. I know you liked her a lot.”

Poe’s expression was slightly pained. “Rose,” he reached across the table as if to take her hand, then changed his mind and grabbed the cutlery tray instead. “She’s your _sister._ You can talk about her whenever you want.”

Rey stood. She'd never met Paige, and felt a little like an intruder in the conversation. She gestured towards the serving hatch and announced that she'd fetch them all some food.

“I’ll come with you.” Rose’s voice was steady, but Rey thought she noticed a flicker of pain in her face.

As they walked from the table, Rey overhead Finn say quietly, “I’m not saying I think you’re planning anything, mate, but if you try it on with Rey I guarantee Rose will rip your bollocks off.”

She pretended not to notice Rose smirking beside her.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! Sorry for the delay!

Rey took a bowl of food up to Ben after they’d finished in the dining tent. She thought she saw a flicker of relief on his face at the sight of food but he ate in silence, and she, unable to think of anything to say, sat quietly until he was finished. They exchanged a few awkward words before she left as she asked him to place his hands back in the restraints, silently wondering at his ability to present as calm on the outside when she could feel the rage rolling off him through the force-bond.

Their next few visits passed in much the same way. Ben ate and showered in stony silence, and Rey resolved not to broach the topic of the First Order until his manner towards her had warmed a little.

On the third day he informed her that he wanted to exercise, and, without waiting for a response, shucked off his shirt and began the first of a thousand perfect-form push-ups.

After his evening meal on the fourth day, she joined him in his exercise routine, matching him move for move until around the four hundredth press-up, where she collapsed onto the floor, unable to keep up. He cocked an eyebrow at her but said nothing as he continued. She dragged herself to sit upright again, watching him closely as he pushed himself harder.

Ben was built like a brick wall. Of course, she’d felt his strength first-hand the many times that they’d fought, both as opponents and as allies, but it was somehow less _obvious_ through the many layers of clothing and armour that he’d worn as _Kylo Ren_. Here, bare from the waist up; muscles and sinew straining; rivulets of sweat running down his torso, it was painfully evident where the brute force behind his lightsaber strikes came from. Rey found herself wondering who he had trained with in the First Order – who could possibly have matched him for strength and stamina – and whether he –

“ _Stop that_.”

Rey froze. “What?”

He heaved himself up to sit on the bed, reaching for the flask of water. “Your thoughts. They’re distracting.”

Rey flushed, feeling the heat spread across her face. “You – you shouldn’t be _listening in_ to my thoughts!” she spluttered. “Stay out of my head!”

“I’m nowhere near your head. You’re practically shouting them at me.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk, and his voice grew softer. “I get it, scavenger, you like what you see.” He leaned forward with a hint of swagger. “Nothing to be ashamed of. You could have just told me out loud and maybe – ”

Rey was on her feet before he could finish. “Shut up,” she snapped, backing away from him.

“I’m only saying what you’re thinking,” he sneered.

“I said _shut up!_ ” Rey groped for the door behind her. “Shut up or I’ll make you!”

He laughed darkly, taking a step towards her. “Oh I’d love to see that, little scaveng – ”

Rey fled, slamming the door after her. She was a few paces down the corridor when she heard a crash from his cell, as though he’d thrown something heavy at the door. Probably the water flask _._ She hurried back to the housing compound and, upon getting to her room, threw herself onto the bed and groaned into her hands, wincing in embarrassment.

When she arrived at this cell on the fifth day, he was, thank the force, fully clothed once more. He sat up slowly as his restraints fell away, grimacing slightly as he reached for the flask of caf.

Rey frowned. “Are you ok?”

“Fine,” he grunted.

But he was sitting… differently, somehow; holding himself at an odd angle, slightly hunched over on one side.

“Ben.” She took a step towards him. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “Nothing.” He reached down towards the bowl of food and something tightened in his face.

Rey’s stomach clenched. “You’re in pain,” she said plainly. “What happened?” She sat at the end of the bed, facing him.

He looked down.

Rey reached towards him, then hesitated and laid her hand on the blanket between them. “Ben. Please.”

He dragged his eyes up to meet hers. “Got a kick in the ribs,” he muttered.

Rey’s hand flew to her mouth. “Who was it?” she demanded. “What did they look like?”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. It was my fault.”

“What do you mean? What happened?”

He hesitated, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt before answering. “They came to inject me. I fought back. It’s nothing.”

Rey gripped the blanket. “Ben.” She reached towards him again. Her hand found his arm this time.

“It’s fine, Rey. It was my fault.” He shook his head, avoiding her eyes again.

“It is _not_ your fault!” she said hotly. “It’s the second time you’ve been attacked. It’s – it’s not like you could defend yourself, you were –”

“I wasn’t,” he interrupted. “Wasn’t cuffed, if that’s what you were going to say.”

Rey’s breath hitched as it dawned on her what he meant. “No,” she whispered. “When I left last night…”

“You didn’t cuff me,” he finished.

The meaning washed over her. He’d fought back against the guards because he _could_ , because she’d failed to restrain him when she left. And then they’d beaten him and restrained him themselves. This was her fault _._ “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. Her arm fell uselessly to her side. “Please, let me heal you.”

“No. It’s fine.”

“Ben, please. Let me do something.”

“You’re overreacting. I’ve had far worse in the training hall and none of us had the luxury of healing then.”

“Well you’re not in the training hall now.”

“Clearly.” His voice was scornful, but his face softened a little. “Rey, this is not your fault.”

“It _is_.” Her voice shook. “I should have – should have –”

“What, chained me up?” He scoffed.

“If it would have stopped you from getting your head kicked in again, then yes!” she retorted.

His lip quirked upwards. “My head is fine, Rey – ”

“ – You know what I mean – ”

“ – And frankly a kick in the ribs is a small price for being able to actually move around last night.”

Rey bit her lip. “You know I won’t be able to do that again,” she said slowly.

He shrugged. “Good thing I made the most of it then.” There was a wolfish gleam in his eye.

Rey handed him his breakfast and they lapsed back into silence.

“Were you trying to escape?” Rey asked, after he’d finished eating.

Ben frowned, his brows knitting together. “I thought about it,” he said. “But no. I don’t think so. I just – the force…” He trailed off.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Rey shivered. She couldn’t imagine being cut off from the force. “Does it hurt?”

“Being cut off?”

Rey nodded.

“It’s like losing an arm. I keep trying to do things without thinking, then realising I don’t have it.” He gestured at nothing in particular.

She nodded again. “What kind of things?”

“Little things. Turn on the fresher, pick things up, meditate.” His mouth twitched. “Choke the life out of people.”

Rey’s eyes widened, but when she saw his expression she relaxed. “Ben,” she started. “Was that – did you just make a joke?”

He flushed, pink spreading up his neck to the tips of his ears. “Clearly not a very good one if you have to ask,” he huffed. “Too close to the bone?”

She couldn’t resist a smile. “Maybe. It’s kind of your signature move, after all.”

He gave her a small grin. “Oh really?”

“Apparently the storm troopers had a pool going on who you’d force-choke next,” she said, remembering what Finn had told her, back when they’d first discussed Kylo Ren.

“ _What_?” he spluttered. He covered his face with his hand and groaned. “Well that’s embarrassing.” He leaned back against the wall. “Anyway, there was hardly anything to bet on. It was always Hux.”

Rey chuckled – she couldn’t resist it. Part of her wanted to be horrified, but another part was certain that that smarmy red-haired bastard had it coming. She felt lighter today; something was different between them. He was speaking to her again, for one thing. And his manner was – different, almost relaxed.

“Rey,” he said suddenly. “I’m sorry about yesterday.”

Rey's stomach lurched, her brief moment of calm shattered. It was humiliating enough that he’d heard her thoughts the previous evening, without being reminded of it now.

“I shouldn’t have goaded you like that,” he continued. “And I’m sorry if I came across as threatening. I just – just feel so kriffing powerless here, it’s easy to lash out. Well,” he shrugged, “it’s always easy for me to lash out. Anyway you don’t have to forgive me or anything,” he said quickly. “I just wanted to say, I know you weren’t – weren’t ogling me or anything. I just saw an opportunity to antagonise you and took it. I was being a dick.”

He looked at her uneasily, and Rey felt something inside her unclench.

“It’s ok,” she said. “I’m sorry too.”

“For what?” He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“ _Everything_.” She gestured vaguely at the cell. She could see what confinement was doing to him, and she hated seeing him like this. Ben was not suited to captivity. _Not that anyone should be_ , she thought wryly, but Ben seemed to be faring particularly badly. _I suppose most prisoners aren’t drugged and chained to the wall the whole time._ And on top of that, the loss of the force was sure to be disorientating. He seethed with a restless, nervous energy, obviously desperate to move, to stretch, to _fight_ – an urge which clearly had gotten the better of him that morning. She cast her eyes around the room and the extent of his boredom hit her like a punch in the gut. He didn’t even have a chrono to measure the passing of time, she realised.

“I’ll bring you some books or something later,” she promised. “You must be bored out of your skull in here.”

He eyed her quizzically, frowning.

“What?” she asked, confused.

He continued to frown, his jaw working, as though wrestling with something internal. “You clearly haven’t kept prisoners before,” he said, eventually.

Rey snorted. “That’s not exactly a revelation.”

“Whatever. Boredom is part of interrogation, Rey. People are easier to question if you break them down first…” He broke off, looking slightly embarrassed.

Rey wondered if she should be irritated that he seemed to be giving her tips on her interrogation technique. “Why are you telling me this?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He looked confused, then barked out a short laugh, shaking his head. “Maybe I’m losing it already.”

He leaned back on his elbows, as though relaxed, but there was a strained note to his expression.

Rey bit down on her lip again. A sore was starting to form from where she’d been worrying at it. “Well I don’t want you to _lose it_ , or _break_ , or whatever,” she said, more confidently than she felt. “You’d already abandoned the First Order when you came after me on Exegol, hadn’t you?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “So maybe you don’t need to break before you’ll give us information.”

He eyed her warily. “If that’s the case, I would appreciate some books, yes,” he said stiffly.

She nodded. “Ok.” She checked her chrono and stood up. “I have to go, I have a meeting.”

“With the general?”

“With your mother, yes.” She collected the various bits and pieces from the floor, including the water flask from the previous evening, cracked from where he’d hurled it at the door. “I’ll bring books this afternoon.”

“Wait, aren’t you going to ask me any questions first? You’re giving away all your bargaining chips.” For some reason he looked genuinely distressed by this.

Rey shrugged. “Maybe I don’t want to play that game.” She thought for a moment, then, to prove her point, took her chrono off her wrist and tossed it to him. “Here. I’ll be back at 15:00.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was really nervous about posting this for some reason - not sure if it's just because it's been a while since i've posted anything, or because my writing style has deteriorated, or because my confidence has taken a hit for some other reason... I made the mistake of skipping ahead in this story and writing a big section that will come a couple of chapters from now, so then I had to go back and write this bit and really struggled with it!
> 
> Anyway I absolutely love feedback, but please be a bit gentle this time!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update in less than a week?! Well at least this lockdown is good for something! (that, and disease management, of course.)
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments on the last chapter! - it's amazing to hear that people are reading and enjoying this story and I really appreciate it :)

Rey returned at 15:05 to find Ben stretched out on his back the floor, his hair wet from the fresher.

“You’re late,” he said, his mouth twitching.

“I’m going to regret giving you that chrono, aren’t I?” She set the books down. “What are you doing on the floor?”

He sat up. “Just enjoying not being stuck on that fucking bed,” he said, shrugging. “Why didn’t you cuff me before you left?”

“You said you weren’t trying to escape. And I figured you’d need your hands free if you’re going to be able to read books. And the guards only come in here in the mornings so it’s probably safe for you to be free in the daytime.” She sat down on the floor and pushed the flask of caf towards him. “And also, I forgot,” she added. “But that’s less important than the other reasons.”

He snorted into the flask. “You forgot to cuff me,” he said, incredulously. “Rey… You are really bad at this, you know?” he shook his head.

She laughed. “Good thing it’s not my day job, then.”

Ben nodded, slowly. “What exactly is your day job, here?”

Rey considered his question for a moment. “Training, I suppose.”

“To be a Jedi?”

“Yes. But other stuff too. I help Poe train the new recruits, do supply runs, intelligence missions, that kind of thing.”

“Intelligence missions? That what I am?” he asked, sarcastically.

“I suppose so.” She shrugged, letting a grin tug at the corner of her mouth. “A few differences to the usual intel runs, though. Slightly lower chance of being blown up. Slightly higher chance of being punched in the face.”

Ben looked alarmed. “I wouldn’t – I’m not going to – I mean, I know in the past –”

“Ben – _Ben!_ ” she interrupted. “That was a joke.”

“A joke?”

“Yes. Seems we’re both bad at making jokes.”

“Oh.” He looked at her blankly.

“Anyway, what about you? What did your days look like before this?”

Confusion flitted across his face, and Rey wondered how long it had been since someone asked him about himself.

“Under Snoke I just did what I was told,” he said heavily. “Various things. Mostly killing. Sometimes reconnaissance. Hunting the resistance.” He ran a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face. “After Snoke it got… harder. Reports, budgets, policy… I got sick of it all and went back to hunting you.”

Rey nodded. His search for her had been… obsessive, to say the least.

“It was probably good for me that I left – there would have been a coup anyway at some point. I wasn’t exactly _present,_ as a leader.” He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“So you didn’t enjoy it?”

“No. Well, not the leading part. I enjoyed training. Fighting. And I enjoyed not having anyone to answer to.”

Rey nodded.

“I thought I would find freedom. _‘Through victory, my chains are broken’.”_ He quoted the Sith code through gritted teeth.

“What did you find instead?”

His eyes were haunted. “The only thing I could think about –” his voice trembled slightly “– was Han Solo.” His eyes bored into her. “And you. Anything else I did was just a – a desperate attempt at distraction.”

Rey shivered. If she was honest with herself, she already knew that what he was saying was true – that his waking hours had been consumed by thoughts of finding her; his nights filled with broken sleep and dreams of Han falling – but that didn’t make hearing it any easier.

“I don’t mean to imply that you are responsible for any atrocities I committed in that time,” he said, stiffly.

Rey eyed him suspiciously, wondering if he’d skimmed her thoughts again, or whether he’d simply seen her discomfort on her face. He looked as though he might speak again, and she waited, but he simply shrugged his shoulders, turning his face away from her.

She decided to bite the bullet. “What do you think the First Order is doing now?”

He swung his head back to her, fixing her with a meaningful stare. He was silent for a while, then started hesitantly. “Probably regrouping. Depending on how much was lost on Exegol. They probably kept most of the armada away from Exegol in case things went wrong. Most of the generals never trusted Palpatine.” He leaned back against the bed, resting an arm on the mattress and tapping his fingers restlessly.

“So the First Order are still strong?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. I was in that cave with you; I didn’t see the battle. I’m just guessing.”

Rey nodded and sighed. “So where are they regrouping?”

“It could be anywhere. The First Order had strongholds in a hundred different systems.”

“Ben.” _Stop fucking around_ , she wanted to add.

He looked down. “The unknown regions, most likely. That’s where the First Order came from, we – they – whatever – the First Order knows the region far better than anyone else, so they have the advantage there. They might have left skeleton crews and troops in their major strongholds to maintain a presence there, but the majority of ships will have been pulled out. They know they’re stronger together, not scattered across the galaxy.”

“Do you – would you be able to draw a star-chart? Of the unknown regions? And the areas the First Order is likely to be gathered?”

He took a deep breath. “I can draw a map. But I can’t necessarily tell you where the First Order is. They don’t have any one base – not since Starkiller. Most of the armada won’t make planetfall so they might not be gathering in any particular system – they could just be in deep space somewhere.”

“But they must need to dock somewhere, surely?” Rey frowned. “What about fuel – supplies?”

“Not if their allies bring those things to them.”

Rey frowned. “I don’t understand how you can not know. Weren’t you in charge?” Something about his manner made her feel that he was being deliberately vague.

He scowled. “Yes, but I left most of the strategizing to other people, especially towards the end. And regardless, they would have changed their plans the second they realised I – that I no longer served the First Order.”

“They might not realise that you turned.” She ignored his wince at the word ‘turned’. “They might not know you’re with the resistance. They might think you’re dead.” Rey sighed, trying to rub away the ache that had appeared in her temples. “Leia thinks we have a good chance of destroying the First Order forever if we can hit them now, whilst they’re weakened.”

“If they’re weakened, why not let them be? They’re no threat anymore.”

“How can you say that?” Rey rounded on him. “We have a chance, finally a real chance to bring peace, hope, back to the galaxy –”

“At what cost?” he interrupted. “How many will die? You think the resistance are on a peace mission? You’re talking about murdering hundreds of thousands.”

Rey recoiled. “I can’t believe you would use that against the resistance after what the First Order did to the Hosnian system!” Her heart pounded in her chest and she could hear the blood rushing in her ears. “Billions, Ben – _billions_ of people.” Her voice wavered and she swallowed painfully.

He looked away, and when he spoke his voice trembled. “I was appalled when that order was given. I swore to myself that when I became supreme leader nothing on that scale would ever happen again.”

“And what about the smaller scale, Ben? The First Order went on killing after you were leader – don’t try to deny it, you were there. You have the chance to make this right. Help us.”

He rubbed his face with his hands. “The First Order, they’re not all evil despots desperate for power and domination. They’re normal people doing their jobs. What about your friend, the defector – FN-2187? There are tens of thousand more like him, people who have no choice in being there, who will die if the resistance attacks now. Surely peace talks should be a first port of call, not destruction.”

Rey’s jaw dropped. She bit back a few choice words about the hypocrisy of that suggestion and managed to take a deep breath instead. “Ben. How many times did your mother request peace talks whilst you were supreme leader, and how many times did you respond?”

He had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

She continued. “You know better than anyone that the only way the First Order will accept peace talks is if the resistance has a serious advantage over them, and if we hit them now then that might actually happen. War is terrible; innocent people die on both sides. But now we have a chance to end this war and if we don’t take it then the war will continue and all those people plus millions more will _keep_ dying.”

Ben looked resigned. He opened his mouth as if you speak, but then closed it again, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Rey steeled herself and scooted closer to him.

“Ben.” She touched his forearm, just for a second. “You’re not with them anymore. You’re with us. You need to show that to the resistance leaders. You need to make this right.” She put her hand back to his arm, gripping it. “Will you do that?”

A cord of muscle in his neck twitched. Then his shoulders slumped and he hung his head. “Yes.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got excited about this chapter and decided to post it straight away, so any thoughts about sticking to some kind of posting schedule (not that I had one in the first place) have gone out the window - I'll just post them as they're ready, I hope that's ok!

Rey let out a breath she didn’t realise she’d been holding. “ _Thank you,_ ” she breathed.

Her hands shook slightly as she reached into her bag a pulled out the small holorecorder that Leia had given her earlier that day. She also reached into her pocket to press the button on her comm that she knew would alert the command centre.

“The leaders might not take my word for it if I just tell them what you say. Better to show them,” she explained, apologetically. She hesitated. “Is – is there anything you want to say before I put this on?”

Ben cocked an eyebrow at her. “Like what?”

_Excellent question,_ she thought, unsure as to what she’d been expecting. She pressed a button and the recorder whirred into life. She cleared her throat, nervously. “Uh, for those watching who haven’t seen him without a mask, this is Ben Solo, formerly Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, speaking with Rey of the resistance.

Ben mouth hardened into a line. “Is this being watched live?” he asked.

Rey nodded. “It’s transmitting to the control room.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” he murmured quietly.

Guilt bloomed inside her. “Does it matter? It’ll be watched by the same people.” _I’m sorry Ben,_ she thought as hard as she could, wondering if the message would get through to him. She _had_ told him, in no uncertain terms, to keep away from her thoughts; he probably wouldn’t hear it.

Ben nodded once. “Ok.”

She sighed in relief. “Ok,” she echoed. She pulled out the datapad and projected a map of the galaxy into the room. “Ok, so here are the unknown regions,” she said, rotating the map, “and here’s Exegol. What else can you tell us about the unknown regions?”

Ben considered the map for a few seconds. He waved his hand, then froze, looking confused. “I – I’m used to using the force to manipulate these things,” he said. “How do I –?”

“Oh! Sorry.” Rey passed him a small stylus, and he got to his feet.

“The major inhabitable planets –” he used the stylus to dot several approximate locations onto the map “– are here. But as far as I know they’re not particularly used, since the fleet doesn’t land. This one here has some kind of base on it; some of the storm-trooper training happens here, I think.”

“You think?”

“Not really my area,” he said, and Rey nodded. “This one here,” he continued, making another mark with the stylus, “doesn’t have a breathable atmosphere but it’s sometimes used to store supplies since it’s a good location strategically, right alongside this hyperlane.” He drew a long, silvery line, bisecting the unknown regions, then spent a few more minutes sketching-in the other hyperlanes discovered by the First Order. “This route,” he gestured with the stylus several times, “used to be used occasionally, but ships kept on disappearing and no one could work out why. I’ve travelled it and not had any trouble, but I wouldn’t recommend it.”

Rey frowned. “If you knew it was potentially dangerous, why would you take it?”

“Snoke.” He shrugged and didn’t elaborate further. He dotted out a few more planets. “This one is a factory, making fuel – powers most of the warships.”

“What about the rest of them?”

“First Order sympathisers send supplies from all around the galaxy. But as I said, most of the fuel is manufactured here. If this planet was destroyed it would be devastating for the First Order, but it’s very heavily armoured.”

“Ok.” _You’re doing great Ben,_ she thought at him. He showed no sign that he’d noticed, so she assumed he was indeed staying out of her head. “What about the armada? Where do you think they went to regroup?”

He looked pained. “As I said, after Starkiller there wasn’t another main base. Some of the dreadnoughts, they’re like cities, you know? They don’t _need_ a planetary base. Almost everything in the First Order is mobile. And things like fuel, food, other supplies – those factories are on land, but the goods can all be transported to wherever the fleet is in the galaxy. They could be anywhere.”

Rey made a mental note to ask more about their supply chain later. She could see a cord of muscle in Ben’s neck twitching and decided to change tack slightly. “What about this system,” she asked. “Where does this fit in?” She tapped the datapad again and the unknown star system sprang into being. “The general has intel that this system is significant, perhaps the armada are gathering there. But we don’t know where it is, other than that it’s probably in the unknown regions.”

She studied the planets carefully for a while. “Ben?” she asked, when he didn’t respond. She looked up, and her breath hitched in her throat.

Ben’s face had turned white – no, not white, he had gone _grey_ – and he was staring, horror-struck, at the holo projection. “ _What_ intel?” He choked the words out through gritted teeth.

Rey gaped at him. “What’s going on?” she asked.

Ben seemed to collect himself a little, taking a deeper breath. His fists remained clenched. “Sorry,” he said. There was a slight tremor to his voice, almost imperceptible, but Rey caught it. “Funny turn. Felt dizzy for a second.” He sat down on the bed.

Rey stared at him, perplexed. “You… felt dizzy.” She repeated. She reached towards him gingerly with her mind, but his mental defences were up.

He nodded. “Maybe that beating this morning took its toll after all. I’ve probably been kicked in the head one too many times.”

Rey narrowed her eyes at him. She distinctly remembered him insisting that his head was fine. She tried to regroup her thoughts, shaking herself slightly. “Uh, ok… well I can heal your head after, if you want…” She fought to get herself back on track. “This system, where is it?”

Ben shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t recognise it,” he said curtly. “I’m sorry.”

The affected politeness settled it, Rey thought. He was hiding something.

***

“He’s lying,” commander Teelo hissed, her bony features pinched into a scowl.

Leia couldn’t help but silently agree. Even through the grainy holo, she’d seen the blood drain from Ben’s face when Rey pulled up the unknown star system. He was tapping his fingers again, too, just like he’d always done when he was nervous – nervous and trying to hide something. She almost smiled as she remembered the myriad times he’d done it as a child, drumming his fingers restlessly as he would attempt to explain away whatever misbehaviour he’d been accused of. Notably, she remembered the time that Chewie’s bowcaster had ‘disappeared’ for several weeks around the time Ben turned ten, and was eventually found under the floorboards in Ben’s room (he had _begged_ for a bowcaster for his birthday); the _multiple_ times in his teenage years that he was caught joy-riding in various resistance warships; and – Han had been most upset about this one – the time Han discovered that _someone_ had siphoned-off and watered down several of his best bottles of Corellian whiskey.

She sighed and forced her attention back to the holo. Rey and Ben seemed to be arguing now, whispering to each other in hushed voices that they clearly hoped would not be picked up on the holo. Bizarrely, she was reminded of her and Han.

_“Ben, come on_ ” Rey was saying. _“You can’t seriously expect me to believe –”_

_“No,_ you _come on,”_ he hissed back at her. _“I’ve played this game long enough. I’ve let the resistance keep me as a fucking pet for over a week now, and I’ve had no choice but to trust you when you say it’s leading somewhere. Now it’s your turn to trust me. I’ve given you_ good _intel – a recon droid will confirm everything I’ve said. But I can’t tell you anything about that system.”_

_“Can’t, or won’t?”_ she challenged.

_“Can’t.”_ His voice was strained. _“And this conversation is over.”_

_“Ben, please.”_ She reached towards him. _“I’m trying to help you!”_

_“Well you’re not helping.”_ He jabbed a finger towards the holorecorder. _“Turn this shit off. We’re done.”_ His foot rushed towards the recorder and the picture flickered out of life.

Leia realised she was gripping the edges of the table in front of her. She turned to the officer next to her. “Get her out of there,” she said. “ _Now!_ ”

Several people hurried out of the room.

Leia addressed the officers in the control room. “Right. What do we think?” Several people started speaking at once, and Leia raised her hands for silence. “One at a time, please. Commander Steel, why don’t you start?”

Steel stepped forward. “Well, obviously she was not successful in obtaining the target information,” he said, “but there are things in there that we can use. We now have knowledge of the planets and usable hyperlanes in the unknown regions, as well as a few potential targets for future attacks.”

Commander Teelo made a disparaging noise. “Nothing he mentioned is the target that we are looking for! Now is not the time to play the long game – their factories and supply chains are irrelevant. We need to hit their navy, hit them _now_ , before they can regain their strength. General Organa, we have wasted enough time. I believe it’s my turn with the prisoner.”

“We agreed on a week, Teelo,” Leia reminded her. “That gives Rey two more days.”

“With all due respect, General, the prisoner made it perfectly clear just now that he’s not willing to cooperate, and the Jedi girl is not experienced enough to know how to change his mind.”

“She’s already gotten more out of him than we expected!” A different voice chipped in. Admiral Connartay. “Give her the two more days with him, what’s the harm? If she does get the information we want, it could prevent a whole lot of… unpleasantness.”

“The harm is that the First Order are regrouping _as we speak._ ” Captain Pike Wethar spoke now. “Ren is clearly withholding important information; we all saw his face just now. We are giving our enemies the time that they desperately need, all because our General cannot separate her personal feelings for Ren from what is good for the resistance.”

The room erupted into outraged voices, all shouting to be heard. Sighing, Leia pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and let the noise wash over her.

“Woah, woah, _woah_ , that’s not fair!” Commander Dameron stepped forward, raising his hands for silence. “ _Everybody – shut up!”_ he roared. The room fell silent once more, and Leia cast him a grateful look. Poe wasn’t the most senior officer in the room by a long shot, but he had always been well liked in the resistance, and most people seemed to look up to him. “Captain Wether, the General has been fighting for the resistance since before you or I were born. If you can’t show her the respect she deserves, then I suggest you remove yourself from this meeting.”

Wethar stared mulishly back at him, but made no move to leave.

“Alright then,” Dameron continued. “Now General Organa is following protocol. I’m sure a lot of people want to get their hands on Ren, and I’m no exception – you all know what he did to me. But, Commander Teelo, with all due respect, we all know about your particular brand of questioning, and that’s not the way of the resistance. Torture _must_ be a last resort. We are not the First Order.”

“And yet,” Teelo said, with an air of finality.

“Any yet _what?_ ”

“And yet it’s interesting just how frequently that last resort ends up being used,” she said.

“Enough, commander,” Leia cut in. “No one is denying that you have been an extraordinary asset to the resistance. You take on the dirty jobs that other people can’t stomach, and we are all appreciative of that. But Dameron is right; we need to explore our other options first, and that means letting Rey have the rest of the week with him, _as we have already agreed._ ” She let a steely note enter her voice. “If anyone still objects to this, please come and see me in private. I would like to speak to Rey, now. Alone.” She checked her wrist comm. “And I believe she’s waiting outside. If you all wouldn’t mind – ” she gestured towards the door, and the officers in the room started to file out.

“Two days, General Organa,” Teelo said.

Leia nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised too late that in the star wars universe a galactic standard week is only five days, not seven - for the purposes of this story please just pretend it's seven otherwise the timeline doesn't work. (I suppose the other option would be for me to go back to an earlier chapter and edit where Leia tells Rey that she has a week to get information from Ben, but that seemed more complicated). Sorry about that error! I do try to look things up in advance but this one slipped by me. 
> 
> I really hope you liked this chapter!


	14. Chapter 14

Rey’s hands shook. “How can the resistance allow this?” she demanded. She sank down in one of the chairs in Leia’s small office.

Leia shook her head. “Rey,” she said sadly, “I thought you knew what the next step would be. We did talk about this.”

“Yes,” she said furiously, “but I thought you meant that they would just – just rough him up a bit, not – not – every time my mind went to _torture_ I told myself I was overreacting!” She stood up again, just to have something to do. The memory of her and Ben’s shared nightmare was fresh in her mind, and she shook her head vigorously, trying to rid herself of it. The resistance, she was realising, was becoming eerily similar to the First Order – not in their ideologies or goals, but in their methods.

Leia placed the two mugs of caf on the desk and sat down. “Rey, please sit. I am not your enemy; we both want to see Ben safe.”

Rey warmed her hands on the mug. Despite the heat of the jungle outside, the room was cold.

Leia continued. “I don’t want this any more than you do, but I don’t have the authority to overrule the other leaders. It was everything I could do to give you another two days with him.”

Rey put her head in her hands. “Two days isn’t enough!” she protested. “It’ll take him longer than that just to talk to me again, if this week is anything to go by.”

“That temper of his was always going to be a problem,” Leia sighed. “I’m sorry, Rey. A week was all I could get. I’ve been overruled.”

“But this is wrong, General! How can the resistance stoop to this?”

Leia sighed. “Have you heard the phrase ‘all’s fair in love and war’?”

“Yes. But I don’t agree with it.” Rey scowled. “And I don’t agree that it’s appropriate to base military strategy on a figure of speech.”

“Well, you might be right there,” Leia conceded. “But it’s more than just a figure of speech; it’s an idea that many people on this base hold very dearly. The idea that we have to use _every_ technique available to us to gain the advantage on our enemy, so that we might restore peace to the galaxy. That’s what’s at stake, Rey; the possibility that this information might lead to peace. In a way, it’s hope.”

Leia must have seen the dumbfounded expression on Rey’s face. “Oh I know it sounds like a load of bantha-shit propaganda when you put it like that,” she said. “Is it acceptable to harm the few in order to protect the many? I don’t know the answer to that question.”

Rey gripped her mug so hard she thought it might break. “This isn’t some – some abstract philosophical question to _meditate_ on! This is your _son!”_

“ _I KNOW!”_ Leia shouted, causing Rey to jump. “I know he’s my son!” Her hands were shaking and there was a steely glint in her eyes. “And he broke my heart and Luke’s heart and he put a god-damn _lightsaber_ through his father’s heart, and he’s murdered and tortured and _still_ I can’t bear thought of harm coming to him!” She sank back in her chair, looking defeated.

Rey wrung her hands under the table. She cast about the room for something that she could say, anything that might help. “General, I’m – I’m so sorry.”

Leia nodded. Her face was paler than usual, Rey noticed, and she sported dark circles under her eyes. She looked exhausted.

“I know, Rey,” she said heavily. “I’m sorry too.”

Both women were silent for a long time.

“You don’t realise that, when you have children, you know?” Leia spoke softly.

“Realise what, General?”

“That your child could grow up to be the god-damned leader of the First Order, and you will _still_ want the best for them.” She shook her head, letting out the ghost of a laugh.

Rey didn’t say anything.

“All’s fair in love and war,” Leia quoted again, as if trying to convince herself of it. She drained the last of her caf, staring into the bottom of the mug. “And we are at war, so we have to do everything we can, even if it’s not pretty.” She looked at Rey, now, piercing her with her steely gaze. “And you love Ben, just as I do. Which is why I’ve hidden the fact that you share a force-bond with him, even though that would certainly compromise your credibility with the other leaders if they knew.”

Rey’s mouth fell open. “How – how did you –”

“How did I know?” She smiled sadly. “You knew a little too quickly when Ben was attacked in his cell. Not that I’m complaining.”

“But even so, how did you know it was –” she gestured vaguely towards her head, “– _this_?”

“Luke and I shared a similar bond,” Leia said gently. “Force-bonds are rare, but not unheard of.”

Rey sagged in her chair. _Luke and Leia shared a force-bond._ Did this mean that – that – ? “I thought it was a dark side thing – the bond. That’s part of the reason I never told anyone about it.”

“What made you think that?”

Rey grimaced. “Snoke said he created it. It was forged by the dark side.”

Leia was silent for a while. “I think that Snoke encouraged your bond. Manipulated it, certainly, and he may have even initiated it, or at least thought that he did. But I think without him, the two of you would still be linked. I think that on Starkiller, when you saw into each other’s minds, the force recognised you as a dyad, and kept that connection between you even after you had separated.”

Rey frowned. It had been more of a _feeling_ , a sense of fear – of darkness. She tried to explain.

“Perhaps that was Ben’s darkness that you were feeling,” Leia proffered. “His fear.”

“Perhaps,” Rey said, slowly. “I still don’t understand _why_ the force wants to connect us,” Rey said. “What _is_ a dyad – what does that _mean_? What are we supposed to do with it?”

“It means you are two halves of the same whole. You’re separate people, but where the force is concerned, you are one. Together, the force is balanced, and the force seems to be seeking that.”

Rey nodded, and they lapsed into silence together. The force wanted them to be together, she mused. Well, not _together_ together, but near to each other – in the same vicinity as each other. Or was it more complicated than that? Arguing with Ben in his cell certainly didn’t _feel_ like it was bringing anything into balance, so perhaps physical proximity was not enough.

Rey helped herself to another mug of caf and tried to ignore the building sense of awkwardness in her chest.

Eventually, she could hold it no longer. “I don’t _love_ him, by the way,” she said, stiffly.

Leia raised one eyebrow.

“I mean, I barely even know him.”

“I think you might know Ben better than anyone else knows him, Rey. I knew him as a child. I knew the light in him, although even then he struggled against the dark. Snoke knew only darkness in him. You know both.”

Rey pursed her lips. “He’s – he’s conflicted. _Confusing._ I don’t understand him.”

Leia nodded, thinking for a while. “And yet, even very early on you put yourself in extraordinary danger for him, by surrendering yourself to him on the Supremacy.”

“That was – that was for the resistance,” Rey protested. “I thought he would turn.”

Leia nodded again. “Maybe you saw something in him worth saving.”

“Maybe I thought I did.” She gripped her mug tightly. “I – I _can’t_ love him!” She protested suddenly. She rubbed at her temples. “How _could_ I? He kidnapped me! He interrogated me, he wold have tortured me. He either _willingly_ handed me over to Snoke or he used me as _bait_ in his plan to kill him and I _still_ can’t work out which is worse; he’s tried to kill me more times than I can _count_ ; killed countless innocent people – my friends – _Han_ –” Her words tumbled out of her before she could stop them, and she threw her hands up.

Leia spread her hands in front of her. “People are not black and white. You know that – you’ve been his biggest advocate when it comes to seeing the light in him. Ben has done terrible things. He was also coerced and abused and manipulated into doing terrible things. Does that cancel it out?” She gave a small shrug. “I don’t know if it does. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t light in him.”

Rey shook her head. “All we’ve ever done is fight. And now that we can’t fight physically, we argue.”

“It’s a shame that he probably gets his model of communicating from me and Han,” Leia sighed. “We were always at each other’s throats. But boy, did we love each other.” The corners of her mouth quirked downward.

“I don’t love him,” she insisted. “I just – object to him being treated like an animal.”

Leia smiled sadly. “So do I,” she said quietly. She sighed. “Is there anything you need over the next few days? Anything that might help persuade him to cooperate?”

“Yes! Stop drugging him, and let him out of that cell. Let him see what it’s like to be part of the resistance, and he might decide he wants to help us!” She shook her head. “No, I know the others won’t agree to that. But for force’s sake, at least assign him some different guards. The current ones keep beating him up.”

Leia paled. “That, I can do.”

Rey pushed out of her chair and stood up to leave. “Thank you, General.”

***

Rey found Rose, Finn, and Poe huddled at a table in the far corner of the dining tent. To her surprise, they were each nursing a mug of beer, and Finn pushed a fourth mug towards her as she sat down.

“Thought you might need this,” he said. “Poe’s been filling us in on the meeting this afternoon.”

She took it gratefully. “Thanks.” She looked at Poe. “So how was it? The meeting?”

“Oh, chaos,” he said. “You did great in there, though. I don’t think anyone was expecting him to talk that much.”

“Didn’t get what they wanted, though.” Rey rested her head in her hands. “It’s not going to help him.”

“It’ll help _us_ though!” Finn urged. “Don’t be so hard on yourself!”

Rey took a long draught of beer. “It’s not me I’m worried about,” she said darkly. “They’re going to be a lot harder on him than on me in two days’ time.”

“I know. I didn’t think the resistance would go that far either.” Rose said.

Finn seemed to be giving Rose a meaningful look.

“Rey,” Rose started, “I know that taking advice for people is not exactly your favourite thing to do…”

“I can take advice!” she protested, before Finn cut her off with a snort. “I _can_ , I just don’t _like it_.”

“Well, exactly. But we were wondering if it’s possible that you’re – that you’re maybe spending _too much_ time with Ren – Ben? It’s just that it’s obvious you’re really affected by this – by everything – ever since he was brought here you’ve been different. And Leia’s got you going in there twice a day, for hours, and well, if this was some other prisoner, I don’t know, say some gang member, or another First Order officer, and you found out he was going to be tortured – well, you’d be horrified, of course, but you might not be _this_ horrified…”

“That’s completely different,” Rey said sharply, feeling a flush of irritation that quickly subsided into guilt. “Oh, kriff, sorry Rose, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know you’re trying to help. But Ben – I _know_ him, you know –”

“What do you mean, you _know him_?” Finn interrupted. “Before this week you’ve only met him a handful of times, and every one of those times he was trying to kill you!”

“Fine, not _know him_ , in fact most of the time I don’t understand him at all. I can’t explain it. I _feel_ him, I guess. I’ve felt him for a long time.”

Poe choked on his beer. “ _Excuse me_?”

“Oh, get your mind out of the gutter,” Rose snapped at him.

Rey looked at her gratefully. “Don’t worry about it,” she sighed. “I don’t think I want to talk about this, and I don’t think you two –” she narrowed her eyes and Poe and Finn “– really want to listen.”

“Wait, no, I’m sorry,” Poe said. “We’re sorry. We’ll listen, won’t we Finn? Look, Ren is certainly not one of my favourite people in the galaxy –”

“Understatement of the century,” muttered Finn.

“But _you_ are, Rey,” Poe continued. “We’re your friends and we wanna support you.”

“Fine,” she conceded. “I – I don’t know how to explain it, but we have a kind of... mental link.”

“What do you mean?” Rose frowned.

“It’s a force thing. I – I don’t understand it well enough to explain it. But we’re linked, somehow. The force links us. I can feel him through the force, and he can feel me.”

Rose gaped at her. “For how long?” she asked.

“Ever since Starkiller. At first I thought that something inside me was damaged when he interrogated me, but he interrogated Poe, too, and Poe didn’t end up with some weird force-bond with him.”

“Poe’s got all the force-sensitivity of a rolling-pin, though,” Rose reminded her.

“Hey!”

“It’s true buddy, even I can tell that.” Finn patted Poe on the shoulder.

“But it seems like it’s more than that, though,” Rey continued. “The force wants us to be connected, for some reason. Starkiller might have started it off, but I think we would have ended up linked either way.”

“What exactly does this connection _do?_ ”

Rey explained how he had first appeared to her, through light hundreds of light years away, when she was on Ahch-To.

“Holy shit.” Poe let out a low whistle. “Sorry you’ve had to go through that. I mean, being connected to that monster.”

“It’s not been all bad,” Rey said, uncomfortably. “I can sometimes sense his – his intentions, I guess. Like when I fight him, I can _feel_ what he’s going to do next. It’s helped when we’ve fought together too.”

Finn looked horrified but Rose looked positively alarmed. “Rey, if this link works the same way for him, could he be using it to, like, read your mind? Discover resistance secrets? Or to manipulate your thoughts?”

Rey shook her head. “It’s not like that, I don’t think. He can’t delve into my memories, or even my thoughts. Not through the bond, anyway. Well, not without me knowing about it. I don’t know. It’s more like sensing his emotions. Like right now I can just feel that he’s angry. I don’t even have to reach out really, to feel that, it’s just there, inside of me. I could probably sense more if I did probe further, but he’d know.”

“And what if you did probe further?”

“He’d shut me out, most likely. Unless there was something he wanted to show me, I guess.”

“Kriffing hell,” Finn said. “Imagine Kylo Ren having something he _wants to show you_.”

Rose ignored him. “And can you shut him out, too?”

“Yes. Even outside of this – this link, or bond, or whatever it is, I can shut him out. He couldn’t get anything from me on Starkiller.”

Rose relaxed visibly, draining the rest of her beer. “That’s good to know.”

“So are you going there again tonight?” Poe asked.

He shook her head. “Leia told me to give this evening a miss – give him time to calm down after this afternoon. She’ll send someone else to bring him food.”

Finn’s face lit up. “Well in that case,” he said, standing up, “I’m getting us another round of drinks. It’s about time you had some fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey everyone, so, I'm not entirely happy with this chapter, and I'm worried it's a bit ramble-y, but I wanted to get it posted as I'm going to be quite busy for the next few weeks. I'm finding this section quite challenging to write and would love to hear your feedback and/or encouragement!


	15. Chapter 15

Rey woke later than usual, with a throbbing headache and a mouth like sandpaper. She groaned, rolling out of bed and stumbling into the fresher, the warm water soothing her aching muscles. When she was done she headed straight for Ben’s cell, forgoing breakfast in the dining tent in favour of taking food away with her. She didn’t think the smell in the dining tent would do any good for her churning stomach.

“Rey…” he asked when they’d both settled on the floor to eat, a disbelieving look on his face, “do you – do you have a _hangover?_ ”

“Force”, she muttered. “Do I really look that bad?”

“No, no you look fine.” His lip curled into a half smile. “I can feel it – your head is thumping. Which means mine is too.”

“Oh kark. Sorry.” Rey hastened to close off her mental defences. “Here, does that help?”

“A bit. But don’t worry if it’s an effort to maintain.” He pushed the flask towards her. “Looks like you could use some caf.”

Rey grimaced. “I’ll stick to water for now.”

“That bad, huh?”

“I’ve felt better,” Rey conceded. “In fact, do you mind if we turn down the lights in here?”

“By all means.”

Rey hit the control panel and the room was cast into near-total darkness, the only illumination coming from a strip of light under the door. “Kriff,” she muttered. She punched a different sequence of buttons and the lights flared on again, causing her to cry out in frustration. She squinted against the glare burning her eyes, and Ben sniggered.

“Here let me try,” he said, approaching the panel. Rey moved aside as he tapped the buttons in quick succession. “I don’t think this has dimmable lights,” he said eventually. “This is an old ship. What is it – Empire?”

“Yes. How did you know?”

Ben shrugged. “Just a feeling. Do you have a screwdriver?”

“I don’t just carry screwdrivers around with me everywhere, you know,” she said, testily.

“You don’t? What happened to your inner scavenger?” he said, with mock dismay. “That fork will do.” He opened his hand, gesturing at the fork, then immediately looked frustrated. “Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m never going to get used to this.”

Rey winced in sympathy and summoned the fork to her, passing it to Ben.

“Show off,” he grumbled. He used the fork to pry the cover off the control panel, poking around inside gingerly, before disconnecting several of the wires. Around half of the lighting panels flickered off. “Better?”

“Mmm.” She sank back to the floor, rubbing her aching temples.

“You should have an egg before bed, next time.”

“Excuse me?”

“An egg before bed,” he repeated, re-taking his place on the floor. “It staves off hangovers – we used to do it in the academy.”

Rey’s ears pricked up. “You mean Luke’s jedi academy?” She’d heard very little of his life before Kylo Ren.

His expression flickered slightly, and he bypassed her question. “It’s something about the protein, I think, maybe it absorbs the alcohol?”

“So you think I should just mosey on down to the kitchens in the middle of the night and boil myself an egg?”

He grinned. “Actually, if you’re hard enough you just mix it with a bit of water and drink it raw.”

“Eurgh!” She wrinkled her nose. “How did that taste?”

“Revolting. But it does save you the trouble of pissing about with boiling water when you’re drunk off your ass.” He snickered.

Rey snorted in response, nodding. “I think I would’ve been a liability around a stove, yesterday. Poe had to practically carry me to bed.”

She felt a sudden surge of irritation from his side of the bond, and looked around sharply, confused. “What?”

“Nothing.” He shook his head, then busied himself with the canteen of porridge. “Eggs aside, can’t you just heal yourself better?” he asked.

Rey frowned. _Could_ she just heal herself better? “I don’t know, actually.”

“You mean you’ve never tried to heal yourself?”

“Have _you_?”

“No,” he crossed his arms, “but I only learned that skill from you about a week ago, and I’ve been cut off from the force pretty much ever since.”

“Mmm ok, fair point. But if healing involves transferring your own life energy into someone else, then I don’t know how that would work. Wouldn’t I just be… recycling my own energy? I wouldn't be adding anything.”

“Yeah, I see the problem.” He finished the last of the porridge and stretched his arms, yawning.

“You seem pretty chipper this morning,” Rey observed, “compared to what I was expecting.”

He raised his eyebrows questioningly.

“I thought you’d still be angry. After yesterday.”

“I was,” he said quietly.

“So what happened?”

He looked down. “I was reminded that driving you away doesn’t benefit me.”

“What do you mean?” _Kriffing hell, if he’s been attacked again –_

“No, nothing like that. And you’re shouting your thoughts again, by the way. And technically I wasn’t _attacked_ last time; I threw the first punch.”

“I – why would you even argue with me on that? You clearly came off worse.”

“I do have _some_ pride left, you know,” he huffed. “I’m not just some helpless victim here.”

“Right. Sorry. Noted. So what happened yesterday?”

“Ugh, nothing serious.” He scowled and nudged at her mind through the bond, pushing a memory towards her, and Rey was suddenly hit with a stinging sensation in the crook of her arm, accompanied by a rising sense of nausea and panic.

She yelped in surprise, scooting backwards across the floor, away from him. “What was that?”

“That was my, uh, meal last night.”

“W – _What_?” And then it dawned on her. “They stuck another IV line in you? Kriff, Ben, I’m so sorry – they we’re supposed to bring you _food,_ not _that._ ”

He shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “It’s ok.”

“No, it’s not.” She paused. The fear she’d felt from him was… unusual. “I didn’t realise you had a needle phobia.”

“I don’t have a _phobia_ ,” he protested, “I just don’t _like_ them.”

“Oh yeah? What’s the difference?”

“Phobias are something people have from childhood, I thought.”

Rey shrugged. She didn’t know.

“Anyway, I was never scared of needles as a child – I just had a – a bad… needle experience, later on.”

“What kind of experience?”

He sighed. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this but what the hell. Have you ever heard of an injection collar?”

Rey cocked her head, confused. “They’re used by slavers, aren’t they?” She shivered slightly. They were horrible devices. Designed to render the wearer placid and pliable, the metal collars had a series of needles which would dig into the wearer’s neck, able to inject toxins, sedatives – anything, really – at the touch of a button.

“Yes. Slavers and bounty hunters.”

“But why – _Ben…_ ”

“Yeah, I was young – stupid. It was only a year or so after I started training with Snoke. I ended up getting caught by a gang of bounty hunters whilst I was out on a solo mission.”

Rey looked at him, horrified. “Why would a bounty hunter want you?”

He shrugged. “Any number of reasons, I’m sure. I never found out the exact one. I figured they would try to ransom me to the First Order, and then if the First Order weren’t interested in paying then they might have sold me to a slaver.”

“Oh Ben.” She shuffled toward him. “How long were you – ”

“Twelve days. It’s ok. They sent the cavalry in to get me out, eventually. I just never forgot that collar.”

“Kriff, Ben.” The casualness with which he spoke made her heart ache.

“It’s ok,” he insisted again. “I don’t know what it is about that one mission – I’ve had way worse since then and haven’t developed any other irrational fears.” His voice was still light, but there was something forced about it. “I’m mean, you’d think I might end up with – I don’t know – a fear of lightsabers, or blasters, or scruffy little scavengers after you split my face open.” His lip quirked up into a half smile.

“Alright, alright,” she huffed at the teasing, secretly pleased that he seemed relaxed enough to rib her. “I’ll tell them not to give you needles – make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

“No! No, don’t do that.” He looked suddenly alarmed

Rey cocked her head, confused. “Why not?”

He rolled his eyes at her. “I don’t need my enemies knowing my weaknesses.”

“The resistance aren’t your enemies, Ben.”

He looked at her. “Whilst I’m a prisoner here, they most definitely are.”

She cast her eyes down. It was understandable that he felt that way. She just wished there was some way to make him feel more connected to the resistance. Perhaps even make him feel allegiance to the resistance.

“What about me?” she asked. “I’m resistance, am I your enemy?”

He appraised her for a while, stretching his long legs out in front of him. “No,” he said simply. “I don’t think of you as my enemy. I never did.”

“You didn’t?” She certainly couldn’t say the same for him.

“No.”

“Then how did you think of me?”

He looked at his hands. “At first? Prey.”

Rey drew back from him a little, keeping her eyes on him. He didn’t meet her gaze.

“Just at first. After Starkiller I thought of you as an equal.”

 _How very patronising,_ she thought, but didn’t say it. “And now?”

“Now – I don’t know. Now you’re some kind of, uh, benevolent jailor, I guess.” His eyes flicked towards the cuffs at the wall and she didn’t need a force bond to know what he was thinking.

She sighed again, her stomach churning with something that wasn’t just her hangover. “I don’t want to be.”

“I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben is, in fact, wrong about phobias – people can develop phobias at any age. And yes, in my head-canon for some reason Ben has a needle phobia.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have been really overwhelmed (in a good way!) by the response to this fic - thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your encouraging comments, it means the world to me!

They spent the morning in semi-comfortable silence, Ben reading a holobook on the history of the resistance and occasionally rolling his eyes or swearing under his breath when he noticed so-called ‘inaccuracies’ – “Skywalker was _not_ a ‘wise and benevolent’ leader, and I should kriffing know,” he’d grumbled – whilst Rey pretended to read a novel about a bounty hunter who fell in love with a target, which was steadfastly failing to capture her attention.

She couldn’t focus. She was desperately, ridiculously relieved that Ben was tolerating her company, having expected him to insist that she leave or at the very least refuse to speak to her, however she couldn’t shake the voice in the back of her mind that whispered that every minute that she wasn’t questioning him was a minute wasted; a minute closer to having to hand him over to people who wished him harm.

 _Although_ , she reasoned, wasn’t he more likely to share information with her if he was in a better mood? She was certainly aware of his bantha-headed tendency to clam up when he was annoyed, or frustrated, or resentful – _all reasonable emotions to feel in his situation,_ she thought, and then another wave of guilt washed over her as she realised that she was essentially trying to lull him into a false sense of security, hoping that he would relax, and his defences would be down when she finally did ask him about the First Order.

 _It’s not fair_ , she thought bitterly. _I never wanted to be his jailor!_ She’d _wanted_ to be his – his _equal_ , she supposed, as he’d put it. For them to both be free to make their own decisions, just so long as his decisions didn’t involve him ruling over a military dictatorship and the destruction of what was left of the free world. _Oh kriff, now I’m trying to control his decisions; I really am his jailor._ Like the bounty hunter in her badly-written holobook, it seemed that she desperately wanted Ben to be happy, but only on her own terms. _But what’s wrong with those terms,_ she argued. _It’s hardly unreasonable to prefer that he doesn’t continue murdering people._

Ben sighed and powered down the holobook. “Rey,” he said heavily, “do you want me to show you how to shield your thoughts better? Because, frankly, yours are all over the place right now.”

Her head snapped up and she slammed the doors to their bond closed.

Ben held up his hands defensively. “I wasn’t looking,” he said. “And this isn’t a force-bond thing. You’re projecting your thoughts into the room for anyone to see. Your hangover probably isn’t helping, either – your defences are compromised.”

She eyed him suspiciously. “If I’m projecting them for anyone to see, why haven’t I heard anybody else complaining about my thoughts?”

“Because,” he said, with an air of strained patience that one might reserve for explaining things to young children, “Only force-users would be able to sense them, and I’m the only other force-user on this base. Except for my mother, and she’s either too polite or too strategic to tell you – probably the latter.”

“Luke never mentioned it either,” she said mulishly.

“Well he was a kriffing terrible teacher at the best of times,” he snapped, “let alone after spending ten years as a hermit on some god-forsaken rock. Force only knows what was going through his head.”

 _Oh force. So that’s how Leia knew about the force-bond. And that’s how she knew –_ Rey forced that thought back down before it could surface.

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Wow. Whatever that thought was, you _really_ didn’t want me to hear it.”

“Shut up. You’ve no right to listen in to my thoughts.”

“You’re right, I don’t,” he said, evenly. “But you’re giving me the opportunity regardless. Don’t be so stubborn, let me show you how to shield properly.”

She scowled at him, intrigued, but reluctant to concede to him.

“Rey,” he said, more gently this time. “I’m not trying to patronise you. But can’t you see how this could be dangerous? I’m not saying I want to be your – your teacher or your master or anything. But don’t you want to know how to do it?”

She hesitated. “What would that involve – you showing me?” In her experience, being taught how to manipulate the force often involved letting people inside her mind, and she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with him being there. Despite their bond, that perennial connection to each other’s minds, she still shivered at the memory of him forcing his way into her psyche on Starkiller base.

“I don’t need to be inside your mind,” he said quickly. “I can show you in mine.” He looked faintly shamefaced; whether due to the fact of hearing her thoughts when she so clearly disliked it, or due to the content of her thoughts – the reminder of his violation – she wasn’t sure. He rearranged his face into a more neutral expression. “Come and sit here. I need to be able to touch your temples.” He gestured for her to come closer. “Well,” he corrected, “any skin-to-skin contact helps, but temples is best.”

Rey slid closer, choosing to face away from him – _face-to-face is too weird_ , she thought – with Ben behind her. He shifted so that he was braced against the side of the bed, legs either side of her, and Rey relaxed into him, her back making contact with the hard planes of his chest, and she caught herself and jerked forward, her shoulder blades stinging as if from electricity where she’d touched him.

Ben hastily cleared his throat and hoisted himself up to sit on the bed behind her. “Here, uh, you can… yeah,” he finished lamely, as she followed his lead and leaned back against the bed.

He placed his fingertips gently on her temples, his knees either side of her shoulders. “Is, uh, is this ok?” he asked, his voice suddenly hoarse.

She nodded as he dropped his mental defences and she all but fell into his mind.

\-- _Where are we?_ She looked around, his mind a mess of swirling colours; all reds and blues and purples, pulsing and throbbing with tendrils of darkness and light.

\-- _We are in my mind._

_\-- But…_

She trailed off, unsure what to say. She had been expecting to see a place, perhaps from Ben’s childhood, or somewhere else that meant something to him. Her mindscape always took the shape of Jakku. Whilst the desert planet held almost nothing but unhappy memories for her, it had been her home for longer than anywhere else had. She wondered if, as her life on Jakku got further and further away, her mindscape would eventually begin to take a different form, perhaps a resistance base or that of the Millennium Falcon, she hoped.

But maybe Ben’s mind was just – different.

\-- _Forget that,_ came his voice, as he cottoned on to her train of thought. _\-- Visualising your mind as a real or imagined place limits you the physical rules of that space, or requires you to perform additional mental gymnastics to get around those constraints. Forget all that. It’s meaningless. Your power is your power, don’t constrain it by forcing it to take form._

Rey frowned. She had never heard Luke or Leia talk like this.

\-- _Is this a dark side thing?_ she asked, suddenly suspicious.

The swirling colours throbbed harder and she could almost _feel_ him roll his eyes.

\-- _It’s just a force thing. Forget the light and the dark. There is only the force._

She narrowed her eyes at that but decided she could attempt to decipher his cryptics later.

\-- _But where are you?_ She cast around again, expecting him to appear from behind a whirlpool of colour.

\-- _Don’t visualise yourself, either. You are not a tiny person occupying a single location inside my mind. You are in your body, sitting on the floor of some low-ranking officer’s quarters repurposed as a prison cell, on a rusty old empire ship. There is no need for bodies inside my mind. Let go._

_\-- But – but how will I find my way out, without a body? Won’t I get lost?_

He snorted. – _No. But in the extremely unlikely event that that happens, I can assure you that I will kick you out._

Rey took a deep breath, wondering how to go about getting rid of her body.

\-- _Here, like this._

And before she could protest, he pushed something – a concept – into her mind, and she knew what she had to do, and her body melted away into nothing – into _everything_ – and she gasped and laughed in astonishment as she lost all sense of space and felt every nerve in her body – in her _not-body_ – fizzle and crackle with the force.

\-- _The force doesn’t exist within your head, Rey. It runs through every vein, every atom of you is steeped in the force. By visualising yourself as separate from your power, you cut yourself off from it._

\-- _Ok, enough of this talk about the force._ She was starting to feel uncomfortable. He was supposed to be showing her how to shield her thoughts, yet here he was, waxing lyrical as if he was her jedi master.

\-- _Sorry._ His mental voice sounded sheepish. -- _It's just nice to feel like I’m doing something constructive for once._

_\-- You mean after sitting in a cell twiddling your thumbs for a week?_

_\-- I mean after serving the First Order and wreaking death and destruction for ten years._

_\-- Oh._

_\-- Yeah._ He hesitated. – _Ok, try to feel what I do here._

Rey felt a slight shift, and suddenly she became aware of his consciousness, and the boundary between his consciousness and the outside world.

\-- _You need to strengthen this boundary,_ he told her. -- _You're a force user; a strong one, at that. Your thoughts have more… more potency, for want of better word, than other people’s, so they’re leaking out of your mind, especially when they’re accompanied by strong emotions. If there were other force-users here, they’d be able to hear them too. You need to strengthen the boundary, like this –_

Rey felt him send a trickle of his mental energy into the boundary.

\-- _You’ll need to consciously strengthen it every day at first, but after a while it will become automatic and you won’t notice that you’re doing it anymore. My boundary is already strong because I’ve spent years reinforcing it every day –_

He broke off suddenly and Rey felt a wave of dread wash through her – Ben’s emotion, she realised.

\-- _Ben? What’s wrong?_

The colours of his mind were writhing and darkening around her.

\-- _Sorry._ His voice was strained. -- _I’m – ignore that, I –_

Another swell of dread hit her, this time tinged with fear and anger and hatred.

\-- _Time to go, Rey._

And she jolted as she was shoved unceremoniously out of his mind and found herself back in her body.

“Ben!” She scrambled around to face him, kneeling up so her face was almost level with his. “Are you ok?”

His face was impassive, but his chest was rising and falling rapidly as he fought to get his breathing back under control.

“Sorry,” he gritted out. “That hasn’t happened in a while.”

“It’s ok, Ben. You’re ok.” She moved her hands towards him, then hesitated. “Can I – is it ok to touch you?”

He nodded.

“Ok.” She gripped his shoulders. “You’re ok, Ben, you’re safe, nothing bad is going to happen.”

She whispered words of encouragement to him as his breathing slowly returned to normal.

“Sorry,” he said again. “Wasn’t expecting that. I haven’t let anyone in my mind voluntarily in a long time.”

The word _voluntarily_ stood out, but she didn’t say anything. “It’s ok, Ben,” she repeated.

She gave his shoulders a final squeeze and made to let go, but his hands came up to her wrists.

“Don’t –” he began, before breaking off.

“Ok.” She kept her hands where they were. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

He nodded, looking lost.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He shook his head. “Not really.” He sighed. “That happens sometimes.” His mouth twitched as though he was about to speak, then he sighed again and ran a hand through his hair.

“Do… do you want to tell me through the bond?” she suggested. She opened her mind to him.

He nodded hesitantly.

\-- _You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to,_ she reassured.

\-- _No. It’s ok._ His mouth set into a hard line. -- _I was just suddenly reminded of when I first went to Snoke, which was when I started needing to strengthen that barrier. He wanted me to be this infallible warrior, which meant keeping my thoughts to myself. If my thoughts ever slipped out, I’d get a beating. But at the same time, Snoke needed to know my every thought, every whim, every intention, and if I ever resisted his intrusions, I’d also get a beating. It was a constant struggle for the first few years._

“Oh Ben,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.”

And before she had a chance to think, before she could realise what a terrible, terrible idea this probably was and change her mind, her hands were cupping his face, the back of his neck, and pulling him towards her in an embrace as his strong arms found their way around her waist, snaking up to her shoulder blades, her hand coming to rest, tangled in his hair.

“It’s ok,” he murmured into her shoulder.

And she held him, their breathing slowly synchronising, pushing a sense of safety and calm and serenity through the bond towards him, until she remembered that Ben _wasn’t_ safe, he had _no_ reason to feel calm, and her stomach clenched and she cursed herself for her hypocrisy.

She pulled away. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok,” he repeated.

Rey sat back on the floor, putting more distance between them. “Ben, I –” she started, unsure how to continue.

He nodded. “I know.”

She swallowed. He must have misunderstood her. “No, I meant – Ben we need to talk more about –”

“I _know_ , Rey,” he insisted. “It’s been on your mind all day; I’m sorry I saw your thoughts but at least now you know I’m not doing it on purpose.”

Oh. _Oh._

She found her voice again. “So you - you know what they’re planning for you in two days?”

He nodded. “Yes. Your thoughts didn’t leave much to the imagination.”

She coloured. “I would apologise but –”

“– you weren’t expecting me to see,” he finished.

“No,” she agreed. She took a deep breath. “Ben, I don’t want to fight with you again, but you need to tell me where that planet system is.”

His shoulders slumped and he shook his head slightly. “I can’t do that. I can’t, Rey.”

“What do you mean, you _can’t_?”

“I just can’t. I’m sorry.”

“Why not?”

He looked down. “I – I don’t know where it is.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well, you don’t have to. It’s the same outcome either way.”

“It is _not_ ,” she said hotly. “It’s the difference between you coming out of this in one piece and you being –” she winced, unable to say the word.

“Tortured,” he finished for her.

“Yes _._ Ben, it is _not_ the same outcome either way.”

He shook his head. “You misunderstand me. I meant it’ll be the same outcome whether or not you believe me when I say that I don’t know where it is.”

“You’re lying – I saw the way you looked when you saw the holomap. You went _grey,_ Ben; that’s not a normal reaction to have. You know something about that system.”

“ _I don’t,_ ” he insisted. “And what does it matter if I’m lying? Even if it’s the truth, it’s not like the resistance are just going to take my word for it.”

Rey recoiled. “So you’re admitting that you’re lying?”

“I’m doing nothing of the sort,” he growled.

“But you are lying.”

He grimaced, his face contorting through different emotions. “No,” he said, bitterly.

She stared at him, her mind racing, struggling to hold back the sense of hurt and betrayal that she knew he would see. “But you left, Ben. You _left_ the First Order. I know you don’t want to be _here,_ either, but - but why are you still protecting them?”

“I’m _not_.” His eyebrows knitted together, his face twisted into a grimace. “It’s not even _about_ the First Order, Rey, _or_ the resistance, this is – it’s –” he seemed to catch himself and stopped dead.

“What is it about? Tell me, and maybe I can help.”

“It’s about –” he grimaced again, seeming to wrestle with some inner emotion. “It’s about me not knowing where it is.”

“That’s _bantha-shit_ and you know it!” she cried, throwing his hand away from her.

He looked at her unhappily, then sighed and put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is now a chapter count! I've decided that this fic will be part 1 in a series, as even though it rounds off this section, there is still a lot more to come...!  
> (I suppose I could also have just done one much longer fic instead of splitting it into different parts, but this way it does wonders for my own sense of closure!)

Ben was sat on the floor of his cell, the book open next to him. He reached over and tore out a page, scrunching it up into a tight ball. He’d set the empty canteen as far away from him as he could in the small room, and he tossed the paper ball towards it, the ball landing with a satisfying _thunk_ as it hit the target. He repeated the process until the canteen was full, then stood up, groaning at the stiffness in his limbs, collected the canteen, and tipped the paper balls out onto the floor. He methodically set the canteen back on the floor, then sat back against the wall and resumed tossing the paper balls, one by one. He’d been doing this for the past two hours.

The chrono read 19:36. Rey would be back soon.

Over her last few visits she had cajoled, threatened, even begged him to give up the information. He always maintained that he didn’t know. It was a blatant lie, but there wasn’t much else he could say. Rey blamed herself, of course, for not finding some way to wheedle the information out of him, and his stomach clenched at the knowledge that he was hurting her, but he wouldn’t – _couldn’t_ betray –

He cut himself off. _Don’t think about that._

He resumed throwing the paper balls into the canteen, counting them in his head, breathing in on the odd numbers and out on the even numbers. It was a technique – if it could be called a technique – he’d adopted to help pass the time, back when he had first gone to Snoke and the endless hours of waiting for punishments would become too much for him. Then he missed a shot and his patience snapped, and he threw the whole book at the wall with a thud.

There was the scraping of the lock and the door opened. Rey’s eyes were tinged with red and she avoided his gaze. Then she took in the mess in the room and put her hand on her hip, exasperated.

“You know, if you’re going to do that to books then I won’t bring you any more. Paper is rare, you know.” She placed a bowl of hot nutri-rations on the floor in front of him. “Here.”

He picked up the bowl gratefully. “It was only your boring one about the bounty hunter,” he smirked.

She flopped down on the bed. Over the last two days they had lapsed into a slightly forced sense of rapport. Rey always took the bed; he took the floor. He didn’t mind, he preferred the floor anyway.

“Some people actually like to _read_ books, rather than destroying them.”

“Not that book.”

“How do you know? Did you read it?”

“Yes. It was pretty racy in some parts.”

Rey snickered. “Should’ve known – it was Rose’s book.”

He laughed. “Well, Rose sounds like my kind of girl.”

“Ugh!” She lobbed the pillow at him. “You’re disgusting.”

He threw the pillow back to the bed.

“I’m going to have to get her another copy now, too,” she complained.

“Well, just as soon as I get out of here I’ll give you the money.” He thought for a second. “Actually, I don’t have any money. But I’ll give you the codes to the First Order banks.”

Her eyes went round. “You can do that?”

He shrugged. “Sure.”

She frowned then, and Ben knew that their brief truce for that evening had come to an end.

“I don’t understand you, Ben. You’ll give us bank codes, money being arguably one of the most important things for an army, but you won’t give up a location?”

He sighed. “Drop it, Rey, ok?”

“How can I drop it? The fact that you’re willing to give us _other_ information but _not this_ implies that it’s important!”

“Well it’s not.”

“How can you know it’s not important if you also claim you don’t know where it is?” she retorted.

“I _don’t_ know where it is.”

“Liar.”

He huffed in frustration and resumed tossing the paper balls into the canteen, mostly to distract himself from her hurt expression.

“What have you told the resistance?” he asked, trying to keep his voice casual.

“That you say you don’t know where it is.” She looked down. “I haven’t told them that you’re quite so obviously lying, but they all think you are anyway. That holovid was enough.” She sighed. “Why are you doing this, Ben?” Her voice was different this time – more resigned than pleading.

He started to speak, but she cut him off.

“Don’t give me that rubbish. Come on. You know you’re lying; I know you’re lying. Be real with me for a second. What’s going on?”

“I can’t, Rey.” He couldn’t bring himself to look at her. Part of him wanted to tell her – just tell her, if nothing else it might get her to shut up. He’d never liked the weight of holding on to secrets. Just her, though – the resistance could never know. So instead he just said: “I really am sorry, though.”

She lay back across the bed, clearly unhappy with his answer. Her eyes were closed. Ben scooted closer and hesitated, before taking one of her hands in his. She stiffened slightly in surprise, then returned the pressure, and he rested his head on the mattress.

“I’ll block you out, tomorrow,” he said softly. “You should too.”

“What do you mean?” She raised her head to look at him.

“The force bond. I’ll close my end, but you should probably put your defences up too, just in case.”

Her brows creased together. “Why? Leave it open, I can be there with you, I want to help you.”

He shook his head. “That’s not a good idea. Firstly, I don’t want you seeing that –”

“I don’t have to see anything – I can just be with you, in your mind,” she interrupted.

“– and secondly, if I could feel your hangover yesterday then it seems pretty likely that you’ll be able to feel whatever happens to me tomorrow.”

She frowned at that. “Not necessarily,” she said slowly. “There are lots of times this past week where you’ve been in pain and I haven’t felt it. I got whacked in the training ring earlier,” she pulled up her shirt to show a bruise on her upper ribcage, “did you feel that?”

He tore his eyes away. _It’s just skin, Solo. Pull yourself together._ “No, but – ”

“Perhaps you just felt my hangover because we were close together, in the same room. But tomorrow I’ll be over the other side of base.” She gestured vaguely.

“Even so, it’s not worth the risk. And anyway as I said, I don’t want you seeing that.”

“I wouldn’t be seeing –”

“Fine, hearing then.” He looked her in the eye. “Have you ever overheard someone being tortured, Rey?”

She drew back slightly. “No,” she conceded.

“Well I have, lots of times. But that first time, it – it changes you, Rey. I don’t want you to go through that.”

“Isn’t that my decision to make?”

“It’s mine too if it’s me who’s – well, you know…”

“What, so you don’t want me to see you like that? Is this a pride thing?”

That stung a bit – a small part of him whispered that it probably _was_ a pride thing, whilst another, louder part, protested that she was being unfair, that he was suggesting this for _her_ benefit, not _his_.

He shook his head. “Ok, ok, let’s not row about this now. I’m tired, we can talk about it later.” He stood up and stretched. “Mind if I have my bed back?”

She shuffled her body over, making a small amount of space for him on the thin bunk. His eyes widened in surprise, but he wasn’t about to complain. He climbed in next to her, curling his body around hers.

“Is this ok?”

She nodded.

“You’ll need to go before morning,” he warned her.

She nodded again. “Of course. It’s not even late, we’ll be awake again before long.”

He lay there, listening to the quiet sounds of her breathing. She pulled the blanket over herself, complaining about the cold, and he wrapped an arm around her torso.

“It’s not cold,” he huffed.

“Well maybe not for you. You’ve got more – more body mass to keep you warm.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, you big tree.”

He snorted softly. She didn’t seem to mind his arm around her, he noted. Slowly, her breathing evened out, until her force-signature told him that she was asleep.

He woke her when the chronometer read 02:00, shaking her softly.

“You should go,” he whispered.

She made a sleepy noise of protest. “I don’t want to.”

“It’s ok. I’ll be fine.”

She rolled over so that she was facing him, and he carefully raised his mental shields a fraction. Not that that would stop her from hearing his heart hammering in his chest.

“I’ll be with you tomorrow.”

Ben shook his head. “Don’t come here tomorrow, Rey,” he said sternly. “I mean it.”

“I don’t mean here –” she gestured at the room, “– I mean _here_.” She brushed her fingertips across his temple.

His skin prickled where she touched him. “Hmm, well we can talk about that later.”

“I’ll be here,” she said, stubbornly.

He turned onto his back and stretched his arms above him, and she reluctantly locked his wrists into the cuffs.

\-- _I’m sorry._

_\-- It’s ok._

She left quietly, and he stared at the ceiling, listening to the minutes slowly tick past on the chronometer.

It was going to be a long night.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just FYI, I'll be updating the tags as I go from here, and I'll put trigger warnings on any chapters that feel like they need them.

It was early in the morning when the guards came for him. Ben must have dozed off after all, because he woke with a start as the cell door burst open and four blasters were cocked and aimed at him. Ben sat up slowly, pulling on the cuffs that held his wrists above him for leverage. One of the guards, a tall man with a beard, approached him with a length of rope and a heavy-looking set of binders.

“Careful, Tex,” one of the men warned.

“I’m ok,” Tex muttered back, “just keep the door covered.” Tex addressed Ben, now. “Ok listen Ren. I’m gonna tie this rope around your neck. You won’t be able to breathe. I’ll unlock the cuffs, and you’ll put your hands behind your back. When I’ve secured your hands again, I’ll remove the rope. Nod if you understand.”

Ben coughed in disbelief. “That’s… That’s unnecessary. I’ll comply.”

“Shut up.” The man approached him.

It was a stupid plan, with plenty of potential to go wrong, Ben thought. If they really thought that he could overpower four men with blasters trained on him – which he _couldn’t_ , he thought bitterly – then a rope around his throat would be unlikely to stop him. There was also the very real potential that the man – _Tex_ , apparently – in his fear, would tie the rope too tightly and be unable to get it off before Ben asphyxiated. But the guards were clearly more afraid than they were intelligent, and went ahead with the ridiculous procedure.

It took longer than it should have, complicated by the fact that the idiots had clearly not discussed the order in which they wanted to do things; idiot number 1 cursing as he fumbled with the binders whilst idiots 2 and 3 pushed him roughly to the floor and held him there, before yanking him back up to his knees and bending him over the bed to get better access to cuff his wrists behind him. Ben tried to comply, he really did, but it was difficult with all four men shouting different instructions at him – and at each other –, and by the time they released his airway he was gasping for breath.

Ben rolled his eyes as they hauled him to his feet and marched him out of the room; this would never have happened with storm troopers. He felt a begrudging admiration for Hux's storm trooper programme and the intensive conditioning the troopers went through to make them all think as one, well-oiled machine. With the exception of FN-2187, of course.

He was startled out of his reverie by the sight of Leia Organa in the hallway, and his stomach clenched painfully. She was smaller than he remembered, although he supposed he might be taller now than he was when he last saw her. There was more grey in her hair, too, and her face was more lined – they must airbrush out those tell-tale signs of ageing in the promotional posters. But she was still unmistakably _her_ – still regal, still beautiful. Her eyes were rimmed with red and there were dark circles under her eyes, as if she hadn’t slept. The general didn't speak, but he felt the soft brush of her mind against his, and he flinched. He tore his eyes away from hers. He hadn't spoken to his mother in over a decade; he wasn't going to break that streak now, right before she had him tortured.

They brought him to the same interrogation room as before, binding him tightly – too tightly – to the same metal chair. Then they left, and Ben was alone again, albeit significantly more uncomfortable than he had been previously.

He wondered if he should try meditating. Focusing his mind would help him withstand whatever was coming next.

He didn’t get the chance to try, however, as at that moment the door opened again and a handsome, dark-haired, scruffy man walked in.

“Commander Dameron. I didn’t realise you would be participating in my interrogation.”

Dameron grimaced. “I’m not.” His voice was gruff. “I’m here to give you your shot.”

 _Ah._ He’d forgotten that no one had come to drug him today.

“I see.”

“Yeah. They don’t want you regaining control of the force mid-session. Think of the massacre.”

 _Oh, I will,_ Ben thought. He tried to keep his face impassive. “That seems like something a med-droid could have done, if the usual guards didn’t want to.”

“Well, we didn’t want any mistakes.” The pilot pulled a syringe from his back pocket. “Hold still.”

In a different situation Ben might have laughed. _Hold still_ – the restraints were so tight he could barely move. “Droids make significantly fewer errors than humans,” he argued.

“Is that right, buddy?”

Dameron grabbed the loose cuff of Ben’s shirt sleeve and pushed it up to his shoulder. He moved to stand in front of Ben, his back to the observation window, and bent down, his mouth close to Ben’s ear.

“Why are you doing this?” Dameron spoke softly.

“What?”

“Staying quiet. Just give up the intel and you can avoid all of this.”

“I already told Rey. I don’t know the information.”

“Rey tried to convince them of that,” he jerked his head towards the observation window, and the people who were surely behind it. “But they think you’re lying. And Rey _knows_ you’re lying.”

Ben squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. “Rey is – she’s mistaken,” he said, through gritted teeth. “I can’t give you this information.”

“They think you can. Especially commander Teelo. You’ve heard of her, right? What she used to do before she joined the resistance?”

“Yes.” Teelo’s brutality, from before she’d joined the resistance, was well known.

“They’ll hurt you until you give them something.”

“They’ll be hurting me for a while, then.”

Poe’s hands shook slightly as he uncapped the syringe.

“I would not have expected you to be so invested in what happens to me, Commander,” Ben remarked coolly.

“I’m invested in what happens to _Rey_.” Dameron was eyeing him with something like dislike. Or was it just fear? “If you’re hurt, she’ll hurt too.”

“ _No_.” Ben’s stomach turned. He would never let that happen to her. “I’ll close the bond. She won’t feel a thing.”

“I don’t know what _bond_ you’re talking about, buddy, so I’m gonna go ahead and pretend I didn’t hear that. And _don’t_ mention that to anyone else, you’ll only put her in danger. But you’re wrong, she’s already hurting – she’s out of her mind with worry right now. I couldn’t understand why, but seeing you now…” Dameron shrugged.

Ben flushed. “I don’t need your pity, _pilot,_ ” he spat. “Get on with it.”

“Fine.”

Without preamble, Dameron stabbed him with the needle and shoved the plunger down. Ben shuddered.

Dameron bent close to him again, under the pretence of inspecting the tiny puncture wound.

“That’s a larger dose than you usually get. Might help with the pain.” Dameon’s face twitched. “Not that I should help you, after what you did to me.”

Ben winced. “I – I – didn’t take any pleasure in that.”

“Whatever, _buddy_. I’m doing this for Rey, not you.” Dameron scowled and slapped him on the shoulder in what might have been a friendly gesture, had his shoulder not been achingly tender from being injected in the same spot. He strode to the door, then paused, and turned back towards Ben. “I hope you reconsider.”

Ben heard Dameron’s quick steps retreating down the corridor. After a few seconds he heard him break into a run.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***Please go to the end notes to see TRIGGER WARNINGS (I decided not to put them at the start because spoilers - I saw another fic that posted warnings in the end notes and thought that seemed like a good idea)***
> 
> Hi everyone! Thank you so, so much for your response on the last few chapters, it's honestly amazing to hear that people are reading and enjoying this story. 
> 
> I decided to post again pretty quickly as 1) I know the last chapter was left on a big cliffhanger and 2) I have been procrastinating from working today so had some time on my hands :p
> 
> This is the chapter that the last few chapters have been building up to - there is violence and if that's not your thing then you might want to skip this chapter, and I'll post a brief summary at the start of the next chapter so you don't miss anything plot-wise. 
> 
> Anyway I do hope you don't hate me too much for this chapter and I apologise in advance for my horrible brain!

\-- _Ben?_

_\-- Rey._

\-- _Ben!_ Relief flooded through her. _\-- Ben, I’ve been trying to reach you all morning, I couldn’t – I couldn’t find you, I couldn’t feel–_ Her mental voice cracked, unable to hide her emotion. 

_\-- I’m sorry. Please don’t be upset. I’ve been blocking you out, but my concentration must have slipped._

_\-- NO! We – we talked about this –_

_\-- And I told you I would close the bond._ His voice was irritatingly calm.

_\-- Let me be there with you. We’re stronger together._

_\-- In battle, yes. But not for this._

_\-- I’ll help you._

_\-- You’ll weaken me._

_\-- What do you mean?_

_\-- I’ll be distracted._

_\-- Isn’t that a good thing?_

_\-- No._

Rey sighed, and decided to change tack.

 _\-- Are you alone?_ She asked.

_\-- Yes. There were people in the observation room but they left. I can’t feel anyone in there now._

Rey took a deep breath, then closed her eyes and reached inside herself, searching for the bond, that point of connection to him. When she found it, she gathered the force towards her and added it to their bond, strengthening it. The golden thread that stretched between them glowed thicker and brighter. Rey felt space rushing past her – the world spun, then stilled as her boots hit something solid and she released the breath that she’d been holding. She rose to her feet, unsteady, then opened her eyes. _It worked._ She was in the interrogation room. With him.

“Your control is getting better,” he remarked.

Rey crossed the room swiftly and put her arms around him. He couldn’t hug her back, of course, but he leaned his head on her chest. She threaded her fingers through his hair and held him close.

“Don’t push me out,” she implored. “I know – I know what they’ll do to you. You shouldn’t have to face this alone.” Her voice wavered.

“I’ve faced this alone many times, Rey,” he murmured.

“Well you shouldn’t have,” she hissed, baring her teeth. “And now I’m here and you don’t have to anymore.”

“You’ll distract me. I’ll be worried about you. Everything will be harder. I don’t want you to see this, Rey.”

“I can’t –”

“Rey. Please trust me. I will get through this. I have… ways to do it. But it will be easier alone.”

They stayed in silence for a while, Rey breathing in the smell of his hair, the standard-issue resistance soap mixed with his own scent, somehow musky and smoky. Contemplating what he’d said.

Eventually she couldn’t hold herself back anymore. “What do you do? To get through it?” She wasn’t sure she even wanted to know, but concern for his safety and morbid curiosity got the better of her.

“Do you really want to talk about this?”

“No, but I need to know.”

He sighed. “I would wrap myself up in the dark side of the force. It was – comforting. I could draw the pain into myself and it made me stronger.” He shook his head. “Madder, but stronger.”

“But now you can’t reach the force.” Rey’s heart thudded in her chest.

“There were other things I’d do when I couldn’t use the force to help me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like if I was too exhausted to reach for the force. Or trying to reject the dark side, or preserve my sanity.”

“Oh.” She suppressed a shiver. “What then?”

He shifted slightly in her arms. “I’d think about all the times before when it had been worse. Or if it was the worst I’d ever had, I’d congratulate myself for getting to a new level without dying.”

Rey’s hand was at her mouth now, suppressing a sob.

“I’d tell myself that I chose to be punished, by disobeying or failing. I’d count backwards from a million. I’d recite the coordinates of every flight I’d made that month. I’d - I'd think about all the ways I would kill my tormentor. Especially if it was Hux. I’d pray for Snoke to forgive me.” The last sentence came out as a whisper.

Rey’s tears were falling onto him, as she held him tighter in her arms.

“You don’t have to do this at all –”

“Rey…”

“I don’t understand,” she choked.

He nuzzled closer towards her. “I know,” he breathed.

“Then explain it to me.” She tightened her hands on his hair as she pulled back from him, searching his face, looking for some sign – some clue.

When he didn’t say anything, she sank down to the floor to sit between his legs, like they’d done back in his cell, her back to him and her head resting on his knee.

“This is my fault.”

“No, it’s not.”

“If I could just find some way to make you tell me!” She tore at her hair in frustration. “There must be a way, something I could tell you, something I could _offer_ you, I just haven’t found it yet!”

She spun around on her knees to face him, looking up at him desperately. His eyes widened slightly as he looked down at her.

Rey suddenly realised the suggestiveness of her position, kneeling, nestled between his thighs. She felt heat rise to her face, and her eyes flicked to his stomach, then the button on his trousers, then back up to his face.

“What about this?” she breathed.

“What about _what_?”

She crept one hand a few millimetres further up his thigh.

“What – Rey –” His voice sounded strained.

“What about this?” She repeated.

“I – Rey what are you – _ah –_ ”

He broke off as Rey moved her hands closer. She could feel him now, under the fabric of his trousers, warm and semi-hard. She kept her hand there.

“I never thought to offer you this," she murmured. She was lying, but that didn’t matter right now. "But I think you do want it, Ben." She moved her hand slightly against him.

“Stop – Rey, stop this.”

She moved her hand again, more insistently this time, and he groaned.

“I'll stop when you tell me where that star system is. Or continue – whatever you want. I'll do whatever you want, Ben.”

“No – Rey, I –” he broke off, his voice strangled, and Rey felt him _twitch_ beneath her hand. “I don't _want_ you to do whatever I want, I only want you to do what _you_ want,” he said, through gritted teeth.

“What if I want this?”

“It's still wrong.”

“Why?” she demanded.

“Because –” he let out a choking, strangled laugh, “– because fucking Teelo is going to come back and I'll have a fucking _boner_ , for force's sake!” He tipped his head back, and Rey could tell he was fighting against his own arousal. “Because you don't really want to do this, you've just got some – some kriffing jedi hero complex where you think you can save me.”

“And you have some kriffing martyr complex where you think it’ll redeem you if you allow yourself to be tortured,” she retorted.

Rey moved her hand against him, stroking him softly, and felt a small sting of satisfaction when he let out a whimper, fighting to compose himself.

"Rey, look at me." Even from his helpless position, bound before her, his voice was commanding.

She reluctantly raised her eyes to meet his.

"Don't do this. Not like this, ok?" They regarded each other in silence. “Please.”

Rey withdrew her hand. He made a small noise that she couldn’t decipher – Relief? Disappointment? Longing?

He scowled, and clenched his jaw, as if wrestling with some inner turmoil. “I – I'm not a masochist. I don't _want_ to be tortured. There are – things. That I need to protect.”

“First Order things?” Rey felt a bitter sting of disappointment.

His eyes flashed dangerously. “I don't give a shit about the First Order,” he growled.

“Then what?”

“People. Who rely on me. I – can we talk about this later? I can't do this now.”

Rey say back on her heels, then nodded and stood up.

Ben let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” He closed his eyes.

“I just wish I could help you.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“What is it?”

He looked embarrassed. “The cuffs. My fingers are going numb. Could you –?”

“Of course.” Rey crouched behind him, extending her senses to explore the lock before using the force to gently nudge the mechanism, loosening them a little.

“That's better.”

“I could unbind you completely, if you want me to?” she offered.

“Right. If I give up the intel.” His voice was bitter.

“Well, yes. That too. But I meant just for now – until the others get back?”

He was silent for a moment, considering her offer. “No,” he said eventually. “They could be back any time and there wouldn't be time to re-fasten everything. If they come back to find me out of the shackles there'll be trouble. And they might suspect you."

“I’ll be able to feel them coming, we’d have a few minutes warning.”

He shook his head. “Only if you concentrate. It’s not worth the risk. Just – just stay with me a little longer?”

Rey stood and wound her arms around him from behind, resting her chin on the top of his head. He was tall even when seated. She ran her hands through his hair again, brushing it out of his face. He exhaled and leaned his head back against her, and Rey realised that her rhythmic stroking of his hair was calming her as much as it seemed to calm him. They stayed in silence for several minutes.

Then she gathered her strength and steeled herself for their next round of arguing. She had to try.

“Whoever you’re protecting, the resistance could protect them too,” she started hesitantly.

He groaned and moved his head away from her hands.

“I’m sure you have a good reason for protecting them – the resistance might agree.”

“They won’t.”

“How do you know?”

“You think I don’t know my own mother?”

“Ben,” she tried to keep her voice gentle, but she knew he could sense her frustration. “You haven’t even spoken to her in, what, ten years?

“ _Don’t_ patronise me,” he spat.

“You could strike a deal – their protection in exchange for the information.”

“I think it’s a little late for striking deals, don’t you think?” His weak attempt at humour was lost on her.

“It isn’t! When Teelo comes back, tell her you’re ready to talk to Leia!”

“No!” he growled. “I know you’re the golden child of the resistance at the moment, but I grew up with the resistance – I know them a lot better than you do. I won’t put my people in more danger than I already have. The resistance will slaughter them.”

“But –”

“Stop, Rey. We said we’d talk about this later. I’m about to be tortured for fuck’s sake, I can’t do this right now.”

Rey cast around in frustration. “But that’s exactly _why_ we need to talk about it now!” She moved around to face him, cupping his face in her hands. She ran a finger delicately over the faint remnant of the scar she’d given him. _I wonder how many scars he’ll have after today?_ Her eyes filled with tears.

His shoulders slumped. “I know you’re struggling with this, Rey.” He seemed to fumble with his words. “I know – I know I can’t explain the way you want me to –”

Rey felt a fluttering on the edge of her consciousness, and she stiffened in alarm, her fingers digging into his jaw.

“They’re coming.”

He nodded once. “You should go.”

But Rey stayed, unable to leave tear herself away, unwilling to leave him alone.

Commander Teelo strode in a few seconds later, accompanied by two heavy-set men. Rey tensed as one of them stared directly at her, before realising that he was actually looking at a series of hooks drilled into the wall behind her. In a different setting they might have been coat hooks – here she was not so sure. She breathed a sigh of relief, reassured that her force-projection self was only visible to Ben.

The men looked familiar, but she didn’t know their names – she must have seen them around the base, but they’d never officially been introduced.

\-- _Rey. Leave._ Ben spoke directly into her mind.

Commander Teelo spoke. “Good morning, Kylo Ren.” Her voice was soft and dangerous, and sent shivers down Rey’s spine. “I trust you recognise my companions.”

“I was blindfolded when we last met. But I recognise their force-presences well enough,” he said stiffly.

Rey felt the blood drain from her face, to be replaced with white hot anger. She knew who these men were.

Teelo frowned, momentarily thrown. “If you can feel the force so well, why have you not removed yourself from that chair?”

“No need to be concerned – your drugs are working. I can merely sense the force, not use it.” His voice was icy, and Rey marvelled at his composure. “Back for round two, gentlemen?”

“Your girlfriend won’t be around to save you this time, _Supreme Leader_ ,” the man – _Jones,_ Rey remembered – sneered.

\-- _Rey, leave!_ His face remained impassive, but through the bond she could feel his fear rising.

\-- _I can’t leave you alone with these thugs!_

Teelo was approaching him now, snapping a folded strip of leather – like a belt but smaller – between her hands.

Ben’s eyes widened. “How do you expect me to give you information if I’m unable to speak?”

Teelo barked out a short laugh. “Oh, I don’t expect you tell me anything on the first day, Ren. We both know it’ll take longer than that to break you.” Her voice sent shudders down Rey’s spine. “This is just to keep you nice and quiet whilst the four of us get acquainted.”

\-- _Do you want me to fetch Leia? She might protect you from the worst of it._

_\-- She’s the one who sanctioned this. Besides, I’m sure she knows that the only way to benefit from torture is to do it properly._

Teelo gripped Ben’s jaw in one hand and dug her fingers into his flesh, trying to pry his mouth open. He reared back and shook his head frantically, freeing himself from her grasp.

\-- _I’m here, Ben. It’s ok, I’m here with you._ Rey could feel he was panicking now. Or was that just her?

Teelo moved behind him and grabbed two fistfuls of his hair, holding him still. Then Jones stepped forward and punched him in the face.

Rey shrieked into her hands. She could feel his pain – or at least a shadow of it; she was sure that what he was feeling was far, far worse – almost as though she herself had been struck. Ben’s jaw went slack, and his tormentors took the opportunity to force the leather gag between his teeth, buckling it behind his head.

\-- _I’m here, Ben, I’m here._

She wanted to reassure him that he would be ok, but she couldn’t. Her heart was pounding in her chest, her breath coming in little gasps.

Ben turned his face away from her. 

\-- _Sorry Rey._

And then the room swam before her as Ben pushed her out of his mind, slamming his mental defences closed. There was an unpleasant rushing sensation and then she hit the duracrete floor of her own bedroom. She immediately reached back towards him but came up against an impenetrable wall that blocked her, and she _screamed._ Screamed, in horror for what she was sure was being done to him; in frustration for being so powerless; in disgust at the resistance for allowing this.

She snatched up her lightsaber and swept through the pile of repair projects on her desk; then when that didn’t bring her any relief she threw it with all her strength at the wall and screamed again.

Rose was with her within seconds, arms around her, holding her as they collapsed to the floor whilst Rey sobbed.

***

Torture is torture is torture, Ben mused analytically, in a brief moment of respite. It was fairly similar to that which he’d experienced before, except without being constantly electrocuted by Snoke’s force lightening. He _hated_ being electrocuted, but thankfully it seemed that the idea had not occurred to Teelo. Teelo had, however, followed the same formula as Snoke, almost to the letter:

 _1\. Humiliation_. They had started admirably here, gagging him with that disgusting leather strap. If they had only wanted to keep him quiet they could have slapped a piece of engine tape over his mouth, but the leather strap was less comfortable and less dignified, and having his mouth partially wedged open made him feel more vulnerable than he would have expected. They had also stripped him of his outer layers of clothing, leaving him in his black boxer shorts. This was less effective since Ben knew his body was, objectively, fairly impressive, both in terms of his build, and his formidable collection of scars. Whilst he certainly didn’t _enjoy_ being so exposed in front of strangers, he did not find this particularly humiliating.

 _2\. Fear._ Well. They had tried their best here. They’d left him alone in the room for hours before starting, and Ben knew that for most people this was almost the worst part – the hours of stewing where their imaginations ran wild and they’d drive themselves half-mad just imagining what _might_ happen next. However, for Ben, this was less of an issue, being familiar with the scenario, and Rey had distracted him from the worst of the rumination. Ben _was_ scared though, although not through Teelo’s actions. He was scared for Rey, and scared of the dark he felt rising in him. He knew if he succumbed completely there would be no going back, because now he knew the resistance’s weakness: Rey. Rey cared deeply for him, and he knew that if he let the darkness take him now, he would find a way to exploit this.

 _3\. Pain._ The resistance had done well. There was pain. It was all Ben could do to restrain his sobs and thank the stars when he eventually lost consciousness.

He woke with a grunt to the sensation of water being thrown on his face, and Teelo’s bright purple eyes swam into focus in front of him.

“That’s the third time you’ve passed out in five hours, Ren,” she snapped. “I’m starting to think you’re doing it on purpose.” She bared her sharp teeth at him. “So, to make things more interesting, I’ve come up with a little game. Would you like to hear it?”

Ben didn’t bother responding.

“The game is called _‘how long can Kylo Ren stay conscious before he passes out and hangs himself?’_ ”

She gestured to a rope hanging from a ring on the ceiling, one end tied off at a hook on the wall. They must have hung it up there whilst he was out cold. Teelo took the loose end and tied it in a loop around his neck. Then she unlocked the restraints that bound him to the chair and gestured for him to stand.

Ben understood the game perfectly, so it was no surprise when Jones tried to kick his knees out from under him and not-Jones punched him in the stomach. He figured there was enough slack on the rope to allow him to go down to his knees, but any further than this and it would start to choke him. He sidestepped the kick but the punch hit its mark and he doubled over, breath rushing from his lungs before being suddenly cut off when the rope pulled tight.

He staggered to his feet again and again, silently swearing that one day he would kill them, and he would enjoy it. _They’d better make me hurt now, because I’ll make them wish they had never been born,_ he thought, savagely. Whatever they did to him, he knew he could make them hurt ten times worse with the force. _One day,_ he thought, _one day_ _they’ll make a mistake and forget to drug me._ _Then I’ll kill them and everyone else on this pathetic base._ The First Order would welcome him back – perhaps not with open arms but at least not with chains and drugs and torture. Probably. Or he could strike a deal with Black Sun or some other terrorist cell. It was perhaps a little demeaning, but they would pay well for his services as an enforcer or assassin, and at least he would be in control. He was _Kylo Ren_ for force’s sake, there were plenty of places in the galaxy for a man like him. And as for Rey – his chest ached suddenly at the thought of her before he banished that feeling to the back of his mind – Rey claimed she tried to protect him, but in reality she’d left him to be tortured. She didn’t care for him – she’d flirted with him but given him nothing, and only interacted with him to manipulate him into giving up information. Hell, he wouldn’t even _be here_ on this base if it weren’t for her. This was _her fault._

 _Fuck her,_ he thought suddenly. _Fuck that little jedi bitch!_

Actually, that was a good idea. Maybe he _would_ fuck her before he killed her. After she’d watched her friends die, Kylo would make her pay for what she’d done to him. Maybe he’d be rewarded with seeing her plead and cry whilst he fucked her. She thought there was good left in him; he’d show her how wrong she was. And then he would put his hands around her pretty little throat and watch as the light left her eyes. 

Another heavy blow brought him out of his thoughts as he fell heavily on his knees. This time he didn’t try to get up.

Teelo approached him. She was short, so with him kneeling they were about eye level with each other. “Are you ready to talk now, Ren?”

Rough hands behind him unbuckled the gag, and he ran his tongue over his teeth, checking they were all still there.

“Fuck you,” he spat.

Teelo laughed. “Perhaps not yet. Let’s take a break.” She and the guards moved towards the cell door as she called over her shoulder. “Shame you won’t be able to get any rest, Ren. Remember to stay awake!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> \- torture/violence  
> \- mild non-consent (I wasn't sure whether this warranted a warning but character A briefly touches character B without their consent, character B ordinarily wouldn't mind but it's really not the time or the place)  
> \- thoughts about rape (character B thinking about character A - but no one is raped, nor will anyone be!)
> 
> Yeah...sorry...


	20. Chapter 20

Rey had waited all day, alternating between sitting in bed staring blankly at the wall whilst Rose tried desperately to distract her and pummelling out circuits in the training ring to the point of exhaustion, until Poe brought word that Ben was “ _finished for the day_ ” and Rey’s services as a medic were required.

Poe insisted on going with her and they hurried up the ramp of the old destroyer, Rey several strides ahead of him.

Teelo stood in the corridor outside Ben’s cell, along with the two guards.

Poe caught up to her. “Commander Teelo,” he said stiffly. “Jones. Darys.” He nodded in greeting at the guards.

Rey, in contrast, was not in the mood for diplomacy. Poe laid a hand on her arm and she bit back the insults forming on her tongue.

“Poe said he needs a medic,” she snapped. She didn’t bother to hide the disgust on her face.

Teelo regarded her with interest. “I’d have thought you would be pleased,” she said, softly.

Rey understood the implication. Teelo could have refused to allow Ben any medical attention. Claimed it was _part of the process_ or something else equally sickening. “Pleased that the resistance has lowered itself to such primitive methods of negotiation?”

Teelo’s eyes glittered. “As I remember it, _you_ were the one who failed to extract the requisite information from the prisoner, thus requiring others to take over with our – ah – _primitive_ methods.” The corner of her mouth curled into a smile.

Rey stiffened, and Poe’s grip tightened on her arm.

“You’re disgusting,” Rey hissed, with all the dignity she could muster.

“Naïve child,” Teelo hissed back. “Torture is just another part of warfare. You act as if it’s new for the resistance.”

Rey faltered, and Teelo’s smile widened.

“Oh, child, you didn’t know, did you?” Her voice was heavy with mock concern, and Rey’s head span with rage. “Did you think that torture was only for the Hutts and the Guavian death gangs and the First Order?”

“Thank you, Commander Teelo,” Poe interrupted, firmly, “but now is not the time to have this conversation. Please let Rey through.” Poe had moved to stand slightly in front of Rey, as if he could shield her from Teelo’s words.

Teelo’s eyes remained fixed on Rey, and Rey found herself silently repeating a line from the jedi code: _there is no emotion; there is peace._ It was a phrase she had never quite understood, but right now she needed something to ground her.

“He asked for you, you know,” Teelo continued, clearly enjoying herself. “Begged. Before the end.”

Rey’s breath caught in her throat. She could feel Poe tugging on her arm, trying to pull her back down the corridor, but she was rooted to the spot.

Teelo stepped closer. “Oh, he tried to stay strong. But by the end he cried like a boy for his mother. They always do.” She licked her lips. “There were other, less lucid moments too, you know…” she trailed off tantalisingly.

“What?” Rey demanded. “What do you mean?”

Teelo grinned. “ _Bring me that little jedi bitch so I can kill her,_ ” she quoted. “ _I swear I will kill her the next time, Master; the scavenger means nothing to me._ ” She looked at Rey, baring her teeth. _“_ I assume both are referring to you?”

Rey stumbled backwards and Poe caught her by the arm, his face thunderous.

“That’s enough!” he snapped. “Commander Teelo, you’re overstepping. You were instructed to torture the _prisoner_ , not Rey.” He tugged on Rey’s arm, turning her to face him. “C’mon, lets get out of here. We can come back later when she’s gone.”

“Oh, don’t leave on my account,” Teelo said. “The prisoner still needs to be healed. And I’d like him fighting fit for our next round of fun tomorrow.” She stalked off down the corridor, her words echoing in Rey’s ears.

***

It was becoming an all too familiar occurrence – healing Ben’s injuries.

Ben cut a pathetic figure. He was unconscious but breathing, his face pale and his bare chest rising and falling rapidly. One of his wrists was cuffed and chained to the wall. It was a longer chain this time, which allowed him to lie down properly. Clearly the guards didn’t consider him to be much of a threat in his current state; they’d never allowed him this level of movement before. He was covered in cuts and bruises. There were burns, too – some large and sprawling as though from a stun-blaster or electrobaton; others in small, precise patterns. He had been _branded_. There were deep welts at his wrists and ankles, and around his neck, presumably where he’d been shackled. Rey felt the bile rise in her throat when she noticed that one of the brands on this chest was in the unmistakable shape of the resistance insignia. She felt a wave of hate towards the woman who did this.

Rey moved his arm aside, making a space for herself to sit on the bed as she leaned over him. She focused her mind and set herself to healing his wounds. She hoped he would remain unconscious until she was finished – there was no need for him to wake up in pain as well. She faltered at first, overwhelmed by the sheer number of injuries, before she eventually fell into a rhythm, allowing the force to guide her to the areas that needed the most attention.

Ben stirred a few times whilst she worked on him, groaning softly, but did not wake. It was only when her hand rested over the resistance insignia on his chest that his eyes fluttered open, and his hand shot up to grip her wrist.

“Leave it,” he growled. He stared at her, his eyes unfocused and hazy.

“ _Ben_ ,” she breathed. Her other hand found his cheek, and she cupped his face. “You’re awake.”

“Clearly.” His voice was cold, but she couldn’t blame him for it. He’d spent the last eight hours being beaten to a pulp – she’d be angry too.

She turned her attention back to the starbird-shaped burn beneath her hand, reaching for the force.

“I said _leave it._ ” His fingernails dug into her skin.

“W – what?”

“Don’t try to hide what your precious resistance has done.” He was looking up at her, but suddenly Rey was the one who felt small. “You thought the First Order were monsters, but now you see, don’t you?” He smiled at her – more of a sneer than a smile. “Your resistance is just as bad.”

She drew back from him, tugging her hands away, but he held her tight. “Do you want me to finish healing you or not?”

He stared up at her, his expression unfathomable. Rey brushed her mind gently against their bond, but he was still blocking her out.

“Trying to get into my head?” he sneered. “We can re-enact Starkiller, if you like. You can’t deny the similarities.”

“Ben, stop it.”

“Go on, Rey, say it,” he goaded. “Say ‘ _give me the map_.’ Except it’s not the map to Skywalker, it’s just the map to some random star system the resistance thinks is significant.” He laughed suddenly, and Rey jumped.

Rey considered retorting that if the system was so insignificant, then he shouldn’t mind telling her where the damn thing is, but she sensed that now was not the time.

His hands tightened around her wrists. “Perhaps this whole day has just been leading up to this. Was this your plan, little Rey? Did you ask Teelo to make me nice and weak so you could break into my mind?”

“No! No, Ben, of course not!”

“But you’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?” he demanded.

“No!” She was mostly telling the truth. With his mental state as ragged as it was now, she probably would be able to get past his defences, if she really tried. She might even, if she really pushed him, be able to find the information that the resistance wanted, although that was less likely since she had never searched someone’s mind before. It would likely be incredibly painful for him, if her experience at his hands on Starkiller base was anything to go by, and probably painful for her, too, since they were linked by the force-bond. And she was certain that it would push him permanently out of the light – he would never trust her again, he would never agree to cooperate with the resistance, and he would probably be executed. No, taking the information from his mind by force was _not_ the way to go.

Ben was still glaring at her. “If you force your way into my head, you’ll regret it,” He snarled.

And then he opened his mind to her, all of it, just for a second, and Rey gasped at the wave of pain and misery and darkness that rolled over her.

“If you get inside my mind I’ll never let you leave, little scavenger. And you’ll go mad from the pain just like I have.”

Cracks were appearing in his mental defences, and Rey caught the briefest flashes of memories that did not belong to her. _A scared boy pleading, standing before a throne. A man kneeling, silently understanding that begging for mercy only makes things worse._

Ben didn’t seem to notice. “You like seeing me weak,” he continued. “I feel it in you – every time you come to me and I’ve been _chained up_ or _beaten up_ ,” he growled. “You love that power. That’s why you always come when I’m injured.”

“No,” she breathed. “That’s not what this is.”

“ _Don’t_ lie to me. Everybody loves power.”

Suddenly his hands were at her waist, and he flipped her onto her back and pressed her into the mattress, looming over her. The chain from his wrist dug into her back and she squirmed uncomfortably, but he held her fast.

“Ben –”

“Shut up.” He put his hand over her mouth. “Stop calling me that.”

Rey tugged ineffectually at his wrist, and he dug his fingers into her jaw.

Rey squeezed her eyes closed, forcing down the urge to hurl him across the room, letting him hold her still. She felt the darkness in him now, overwhelming him, and knew that fighting him was not going to tug him back towards the light. It seemed that he needed to be in control – needed to take back some power after days of being kept chained like an animal. And this was something she could give him, as long as he didn’t go too far. She could easily overpower him with the force if it came to that.

Ben’s face was contorted, as though wrestling with his own thoughts.

“ _Ben,_ ” She said insistently, when his hand loosened enough for her to speak again. She kept her face neutral as she stared into his eyes.

His fingers dug into her jaw again, his other arm pinning her wrists firmly above her head.

“That’s _not_ my name,” he growled. His face was just inches from hers. “Say it. Say my real name you filthy fucking sand-rat.”

Again, she forced herself to breathe, gritting her teeth, willing away the impulse to tear her hands free and punch him in the face, to headbutt him in the nose – anything to get him _off her_ , to stop him saying such hateful things.

She would _not_ call him Kylo. She knew this. Calling him Kylo would be a betrayal of everything that _Ben_ had endured.

She needed to take things slowly or he would explode and lose himself completely, she was sure of it. So instead of throwing him across the room, instead of headbutting him in the face, she instead held his gaze, and opened her mind to him, inviting his trust. Slowly, carefully, she shifted her wrists in his grasp, so that her fingers touched the metal of the wrist cuff, and she sent her mind into the keyhole and it clicked open.

His eyes went wide, and he looked at her suspiciously. Rey shifted again, demonstrating her desire to move, but not insisting on it.

After another minute he let her pull one arm free, and she reached towards him slowly. He jerked away from her touch like a frightened fathier and she withdrew her hand a little, before starting towards him again even slower, until her palm was once again laid on his chest.

“I’ll never forget what they did to you,” she breathed. “But you shouldn’t have to bear the scars.”

She waited, and when he made no indication to move her hand she drew on the force and channelled her energy towards him. His skin grew warm and he winced as the angry burn faded to nothing. Rey let her arm fall to her side.

Ben just stared at her. His jaw was working and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. He took a breath as if to speak, and then his grip on her went slack and he fell heavily next to her. His shoulders heaved and he buried his face in the pillow.

Rey reached for him and pulled him closer. When he didn’t object to that, she tentatively reached up and ran her hands through his hair, and he let out a sob.

“Hey,” she whispered. She was reluctant to say his name in case it triggered his anger again, but she’d be damned if she was going to call him anything else.

The room was silent, save for the sound of him fighting to get his breathing under control.

“Say it again,” he choked.

“What?”

He was silent for a long time. Then, “My name. Say my name again.”

“Ben. Your name is Ben.”

He let out a shuddering breath. “Ben,” he repeated under his breath.

Rey held him tight. Her hand found the nape of his neck and she stroked him softly.

“I’m sorry.” His body shuddered beneath her touch. “Force, Rey, I’m so sorry.”

“Shh, it’s ok,” she soothed. “You came back.”

He shook his head into the pillow. “It’s not ok. I wanted to burn the galaxy down. I wanted to kill everyone on this base. Even you.”

“No,” Rey breathed. “I don’t believe that. You’re not going to hurt me.”

“I might.”

“You won’t,” she assured, hoping she sounded more certain than she felt.

“What if I do?”

“Kylo Ren might want to, but you won’t let him. Just like you didn’t let him today”

Ben huffed softly into her hair, then pushed himself up into sitting position, so that his back rested against the wall. He pulled her up to join him, her head resting on his chest as he wound his arms around her.

“I _am_ Kylo Ren.” He sighed. “ _And_ Ben. I can’t pretend I became a different person when I took the name – as convenient as that would be. Just different names for the same monster.”

“You’re not a monster. I’m sorry I said that.”

Ben looked at her. “No.” His gaze was intense; she wanted to look away. “You were right. Luke was right.” He looked down. “I wanted to hurt you. _Really_ hurt you.” He was whispering now. “I don’t think it’s safe for you to be around me.”

“Ben,” she smiled slightly – almost sadly. “I can look after myself.” She ran her finger softly over his face, his shoulder, his stomach, ghosting over the faint scars from her lightsaber, gently reminding him of the times they’d fought. Reminding him that she was his equal. “I’ve wanted to hurt you too. I _have_ hurt you.”

Ben hummed softly. “And healed me.” He touched the place on his stomach where she’d stabbed him with his own weapon. The time she’d almost killed him.

She raised her head. “Yes. About that…” She gestured to the remaining burns and bruises that littered his torso.

Ben nodded, and Rey sat up next to him. She started with the side of him closest to her, then moved across, kneeling over his lap to reach his other side. He leaned back and let her work across his body, leaving his skin smooth and whole as she trailed her hands across his chest. When she was finished he looked up at her, his eyes wide, an almost reverent expression on his face.

“Are you ok?”

“I’m ok,” he rumbled, sending vibrations through her.

She ran her hands lightly over his freshly mended skin, checking for any knots or bumps or bruises that she might have missed, privately enjoying the sensation of his muscles under her fingers. “How does it feel now?”

“It feels… good.”

His voice sounded strained, so she ran her fingers across his throat, sending more of her energy to soothe his vocal cords.

“D’you want to let me do your back, too?”

He shook his head. “Later.”

She nodded and made to move away, but his hands came up to her arms, gently holding her there.

“Ben…?” she started to ask, and then she saw his face. “Oh.”

He was looking at her with an expression of something like… wonder, his eyes fixed on hers, his pupils blown wide. Rey slowly placed a hand on his chest and felt his heart thudding.

_Oh._

“Rey,” he whispered.

“Ben.”

Somehow her other hand had found the side of his face, stroking through the hair at his temple, and he leaned into her touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a second. And then his hands were on her waist, pulling her gently, so gently towards him.

And then he tilted his face up towards hers and kissed her.

It was nothing like their kiss on Exegol. On Exegol it had felt triumphant, jubilant, the adrenaline running through her and the thrill of knowing that they had won, that they were both still alive, that her friends were still alive.

Here it felt more – more _real,_ just the two of them, in this dingy room with nothing to celebrate but each other. Here the thrill came not from outside events, but from _him_ , of knowing that she wanted him, perhaps more than she’d ever wanted anything, and she melted into him, drinking in his kiss and moaning softly as his hands moved through her hair, holding her so gently, so _safely_.

She sank down into his lap and her eyes went wide as she felt him beneath her, hot and hard and _big,_ separated by only a few thin layers of cloth, and he groaned as she ground down onto him, feeling pleasure flare up inside her like warmth from a fire, clutching at him, wanting to feel every inch of his body beneath her hands as she wound around his arms, his chest, his shoulders –

Then he tensed and made a noise that no longer sounded like pleasure, and she pulled away.

“Ben, what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. Come here.”

He pulled her gently back towards him, and her hands crept up his back, and he grunted in pain.

“You’re _not_ fine!” Rey gasped.

“I am,” he insisted. “Just – just don’t touch my back, ok?”

He leaned down, making to push her backwards onto the bed, and she put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“No that is not ok!” She almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation, but stopped herself, not wanting him to think she was laughing at him. “Let me look at it, Ben. We can’t do this whilst you’re in pain.”

“We can,” he urged, kissing her again, and for a moment Rey felt so good that she almost believed him, almost went with him.

She tore herself away, pushing him back upright.

“Ben, look at me.” Her voice was stern. “Not like this.” She echoed his words from before. “When I think back to _this_ memory, I don’t want it to be of you in pain.”

He reluctantly let her go, and when he turned around and she saw the torn flesh across his shoulder blades and down his back, the dozens of criss-cross lashes that she’d failed to notice earlier, she was glad that he couldn’t see her face. She hushed him again when he protested that she had already given him too much of her energy, and she drew on her last reserves and got to work on him again, before collapsing down next to him as sleep washed over her.


	21. Chapter 21

Ben woke with a start to the sound of voices from the corridor. He blinked rapidly, taking a few seconds to get his bearings. Rey stirred next to him and moaned softly, burying her head beneath the blanket.

Ben stiffened in alarm.

“Rey!” He whispered.

“Go away…” she mumbled, from under the blanket.

He shook her, hard. “Wake up!”

Rey emerged, squinting. “ _What?_ ”

He groaned in frustration. “It’s morning! You stayed the whole night. And now they’re here for me again – you have to hide!”

Rey sat bolt upright. “ _Kriff!_ ” She leapt out of bed, snatching her boots from where they lay discarded on the floor.

“The fresher,” Ben hissed.

Rey scrambled inside, closing the door quietly behind her.

Then suddenly he remembered, and clapped a hand to his forehead. “Wait! Rey, come back!” he called.

She poked her head out of the door, looking confused.

“The cuffs – you need to put me back how you found me!”

“Shit,” She muttered.

He closed the cuff around his wrist and Rey dashed across the room, touching it as she used the force to lock it closed.

Ben couldn’t help but smirk a little. “You know, you probably could’ve used the force from over there too…?”

“Shut up!” she snapped, her fingers clutching at her loose hair. “It’s force-knows what time in the morning, I can’t think, ok?” She disappeared back inside the fresher room.

“You know,” he called, “compared to those other cuffs, this chain feels pretty luxurious. I could stand another round of torture if this is the result. Totally worth it.”

\-- _Don’t joke about that._

The voices outside the door were speaking in urgent whispers. Ben stilled, trying to catch their conversation.

“I’ll kriffing kill him.”

“Calm down, you don’t know –”

“If he’s done _anything_ –”

“I know, I know. Let’s just – wait and see, ok?”

“Ok. Ok. She’d better be ok. Do you think we’re ok to go in there? What if a guard comes?”

“Fuck the guards. It’s not like they give a shit about him anyway, they won’t care who’s in here. And if they do we’ll just say Leia sent us.”

Ben frowned.

\-- _What’s happening, Ben?_ Rey’s mental voice sounded worried.

\-- _I don’t know. It’s not the guards._

He felt her tense up.

_\-- I won’t let them hurt you again._

_\-- They can’t know you’re here, Rey. They won’t trust you anymore._

He stiffened again as the door was thrown open. Poe Dameron strode across the room, closely followed by FN-2187.

“Ok asshole, what the fuck did you do to Rey?” the ex-stormtrooper snarled, before tearing the blanket off him.

“Hey!”

“Oh. Woah.” The trooper looked suddenly embarrassed. “Where are your clothes?”

“They took them from him,” Dameron said quietly. “Yesterday.”

“Oh.” The trooper threw the blanket back to him, looking distracted. “Uh, why?”

Dameron made a face and shrugged, and the trooper looked at Ben questioningly.

Ben also shrugged. “I assume,” he said evenly, “that they were trying to embarrass me.”

The trooper looked disbelieving. “Right, ‘cause we all know the best way to embarrass someone is to give them a chance to show off their eight-pack,” and Dameron gave a bark of laughter which he hastily turned into a cough.

“Anyway – Rey?” The pilot prompted.

“Oh yeah.” FN-2187 rounded on him again. “Where is she? What have you done to her?”

“How should I know where she is?” Ben retorted.

Dameron crossed his arms. “She didn’t come back to her room last night. And we know she was with you in the evening.”

“Yeah so you’d better start talking!”

Ben rolled his eyes, settling his gaze on the ex-trooper. “FN-2187 –”

“It’s _Finn_ now.”

“Fine. _Finn._ ” Ben fought to keep the annoyance from his voice. “I’ve not done anything to Rey. As you can see I’m not exactly able to move, and if I was able to use the force to release myself I assure you I would have done so. There’s no way I could have hurt her, even if I wanted to. Which I don’t, by the way.”

“Well,” Dameron began, “that cuff, it’s not exactly a straightjacket, is it? You probably could have hurt her, if she got close – which she’d need to do if she was healing you.”

“Well I didn’t,” he snapped. _I almost did,_ a voice in his mind nagged, and he pushed it away, lest the guilt show on his face.

“You must have said something to her, then!” Finn spat. “Messed with her mind or something!”

“I did no such thing.”

“So you’re telling us it’s just a coincidence, then, that she came here and then disappeared for twelve hours? Every night when she comes back from seeing you she’s upset, and that’s if we get to see her at all. Kriff, _you’ve_ seen more of her this past week than we have, and every day she’s been more distant, more withdrawn.”

A ripple of concern ran though him, and he sent a question through the bond to Rey.

 _\-- Ignore them,_ she reassured. _\-- They're just overly involved friends. I’m fine._

“… giving us the brush off for _you_ ,” Finn was saying. “So don’t try to pretend you haven’t been messing with her. Where is she?”

Ben sighed. “For fuck’s sake,” he growled, “I can’t even work out what you’re accusing me of. Do _you_ even know? She came in, healed me, and left. I’m sorry you can’t find her now but did it ever occur to you that she’s a grown woman who might have just… _gone for a walk_ or something?”

“Oh yeah? What time did she leave here?” Dameron asked.

“Uh… Around midnight?” he improvised.

“Well I was on duty at midnight,” Dameron said, “And I didn’t see anyone leave the destroyer.”

Finn scowled, stepping closer. “You don’t have to be a kriffing force-user to tell you’re lying about something. What are you hiding, Ren?”

\-- _Well this is going well._ Rey’s voice floated into his mind, her words tinged with sarcasm.

\-- _I know._ He sent back.

\-- _Want me to come and rescue you?_

\-- _I don’t know. How will they react if they know you spent the night here?_

_\-- Probably not well, although I –_

“Hey!” Poe snapped his fingers in front of Ben’s face. “We’re talking to you.”

Ben forced himself to breathe deeply. “I haven't done anything to Rey. She's fine.”

"Well, you would say that,” Finn muttered, glaring at him.

Ben felt his facade of control slipping. “Have you morons forgotten the reason you’re pumping me full of poison every kriffing day? I can’t access the force; Rey’s a hell of a lot stronger than I am right now. Even if I _had_ the capability – which I don’t, thanks to your drugs – it would make precisely zero sense for me to mess with her because she's the only one defending me in this piece-of-shit hovel that you call a base. Certainly makes torture easier to sit through knowing that at least if she comes afterwards she might heal me and I might not be permanently fucking crippled from it,” he spat. “So no, I didn’t _do anything_ to Rey. And if you think I did then you're stupider than I thought.”

The two soldiers looked outraged, but his outburst seemed to have worked. Finn seemed to deflate a little, and Dameron interlocked his fingers behind his head, staring stubbornly at the ceiling.

“Now if you don't mind I’d appreciate if you both fucked off and let me have a few minutes to myself before Teelo comes back to rip my fingernails out.”

As he said it, he felt a wave of distress blooming through the bond, and he wondered if he had gone too far with insulting Rey’s friends.

Dameron blanched a little. “They – uh – they're doing it again today, huh?”

“I'd assume, since they didn't get anything yesterday,” he said. He felt his hands curling into fists involuntarily, and forced his fingers to relax.

“Kriff, Ren.” Dameron ran his hands through his hair. “You're a real sucker for punishment, you know that?”

“Well. Maybe they ought to rethink their technique,” he said sardonically.

Dameron stared at him. He opened his mouth as though about to say something, then grabbed the ex-trooper by the arm and hauled him out of the cell without a word. Finn protested as Dameron slammed the door behind them, and was cut short by a curt: “I’ll tell you later,” from the pilot.

Ben closed his eyes. He felt the mattress dip as Rey sat down, then the click of the cuff as his wrist was released.

“I’m sorry about them.”

“It’s ok,” he grumbled. But he was surprised to realise that he meant it. “It’s nice, even. That they look out for you.” He shrugged. “Annoying, but well meaning.”

Rey hummed in agreement.

“I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone look for me like that. Well, Snoke, but…” He trailed off.

Her hands found his and she leaned in and kissed him, and he wrapped his arms around her, savouring the way her lips tasted, the touch of her soft skin against his. She learned into him and he wound his fingers through her hair, suddenly feeling something akin to grief at the knowledge that, force or no force, he could snap her neck in an instant, yet somehow she still trusted him to be near her. Perhaps Dameron and FN-2187 were right to worry. He didn’t deserve this – deserve _her_.

“You should comm them,” he murmured against her lips, eventually. “Dameron and FN – Finn. Let them know you're ok.”

She rested her forehead against his. “Ben. I'm not ok.”

He felt his stomach clench a little. “What do you mean?” He gripped her upper arms protectively. “What’s wrong?”

She sighed and pulled away from him a little. “You, you idiot. You’re what’s wrong.”

His stomach sank. He didn’t deserve her. “Rey,” he started. “I really am sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I mean – _kriff_ – I suppose I _did_ mean to, at the time, but I’d never normally –”

“Ben, Ben stop,” she interrupted.

“It’s just I understand if you don’t want to see me again, I mean. You don’t have to feel guilty – or whatever. I can look after myself.”

“Stop,” she urged. “You didn’t hurt me, and that’s not what I’m worried about.”

“Then what?” He wracked his brain for other ways he might have upset her. It wasn’t a difficult search; there were lots of examples.

“You, Ben, I’m worried about _you_!” She shoved him lightly in the chest. “It’s – it’s like you’re deliberately hurting yourself! Well no, that's not fair, but you're _allowing_ them to hurt you!”

“ _I am not!_ ” He gritted his teeth. _This again._

“You _are!_ Ben, please – please don't let Teelo do this to you again.”

“Rey, I can’t – ”

“Please, Ben. Don’t let them hurt you again, I can’t bear it.”

He huffed in surprise. “ _You_ can’t –”

“Yes, _I_ can’t,” she interrupted. “And I’m sorry for making it about me but you obviously don’t care enough about _yourself_ to change anything.”

“Rey, I –”

“And you _said_ you'd talk to me about this!” She cut him off again, and he felt a small flush of irritation. “So let’s talk. Right now.”

He looked away, unable to hold her earnest gaze. “Rey,” he started again. “I know I said we could talk. But honestly, there’s nothing we haven’t already spoken about. You want a location and that’s not something I can give. There’s nothing more to say.”

“ _No! Stop this!_ ” She gripped his shoulders as though she planned to shake the answers from him. “Whoever you're protecting, they can't be worth this.”

“Don't be ridiculous,” he snorted. He shrugged her hands off him. “Of course they're worth it. Dameron was tortured to protect Skywalker, wasn't he? You would've been too, if you hadn't gotten out in time. Would you have given up Skywalker to save yourself?”

She looked away. “No,” she admitted.

“And that was when you had barely even _heard_ of Skywalker! You had no stake in him whatsoever!”

“I knew he could help the resistance,” she retorted. “That was enough.”

“You’d never even _met_ the resistance at that point! just some defective storm-trooper who spun you a fake story about being resistance!”

“And your father,” she added, softly.

Ben felt the room spin a little as the bottom dropped out of his stomach. “ _Don’t_ bring my father into this,” he hissed, his hands clenching.

Rey sighed, turning away from him, and Ben leaned back against the wall.

She shifted, swinging her legs up onto the bed.

“Can you at least tell me who they are?” she asked. “And why they need protection? You might be wrong. Maybe they can look after themselves. Maybe the resistance wouldn't target them.”

“I can assure you the resistance will make it their first priority to hunt them down.”

He did his best to push away the churning in his stomach, and reached for her again, pulling her close. She protested a little, pushing half-heartedly against the broad expanse of his chest, but settled somewhat stiffly against him. She had probably just decided to acquiesce to him out of pity, or to keep him calm – docile; to avoid adding more conflict to the mix. But it still felt nice to have her in his arms.

“Rey… let's not fight, not now,” he murmured into her hair. “Stay with me until they come.” He kissed her collarbone, waiting a few heartbeats to gauge her reaction. “Help me forget, Rey… please. I need this.” He placed another kiss on her neck, and felt her relax into him a little more. “I need you.” He kissed a trail upwards, tugging gently on her earlobe with his teeth. Someone would surely be there to fetch him soon; if he could distract her until then –

“ _No, Ben!_ ” She tore herself away, and he knew his plan had been foiled. “We are _having_ this conversation, you promised!” She held his gaze.

Ben sighed and looked away. His heart was suddenly pounding.

“You don’t have to tell me where they are.”

He gripped the edge of the thin mattress, waiting for her next question, but she was silent.

After what felt like an age, he sighed. “Ok.” He paused, trying to keep the tremor out of his voice.

“Ok?” she prompted.

“Ok.” He tried again. “The people I’m protecting are… They’re…” He coughed and trailed off again.

“Ben. It’s ok. You can tell me.” She squeezed his hand.

He took another deep breath. “Ok.” He swallowed again; his mouth was dry. “Well, I – I’ve known them a long time.”

Rey kept looking at him, expectantly.

“We’ve uh, we’ve been through a lot together. They’re not First Order. Well – they are, I suppose. But their allegiance is to me.”

Rey’s eyebrows rose. “Your knights?”

“No,” he replied hastily. “My knights were killed. I killed them. On Exegol.” His voice broke as he recalled. His knights were well trained; they’d almost bested him. His knights – who’d been with him through it all, who weren’t loyal to him in the end.

“Oh Ben.” Her hand found his.

He pulled himself together. “I had to. They would have killed me. They would have killed _you._ ”

She nodded.

“These other – other people. They would not betray me like that. I think they’d stay true to me even if I sold them out, though I don’t deserve it.”

Rey nodded. “They sound like they care about you.”

He cleared his throat awkwardly, uncomfortable with the praise. “They do. I saved them, in a way. I mean – I didn’t, not really, but they see it like that.”

“What did you save them from?”

Ben bowed his head. This was it. The moment that Rey would turn her back on him forever.

“The storm-trooper programme,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cliffhanger! I wonder if this is enough info to guess who Ben in protecting?? (shout out to a few people who have already called it!) All will be revealed soon...  
> Thanks for all your lovely comments, it's so encouraging and motivating!


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> \- Descriptions of violence against children.  
> \- Self-harm

Rey stared at him, the wheels of her mind turning, piecing together what he’d just said. People who were loyal to him, he’d said, whom he’d rescued from the storm-trooper programme. The storm-trooper programme, which took children from their families whilst they were still too young to ever remember where they came from. What use could a powerful force user, heir to the emperor and master of the Knights of Ren, have with children? And then it dawned on her.

“Oh Ben,” she whispered. “You didn’t.”

He looked away, his face pained. “It wasn’t my idea. I _never_ wanted a training school.” His voice was hoarse. “I tried to refuse, but Snoke – ” he broke off, his eyes glinting with unshed tears. “I knew he would take them from me, as soon as they were strong enough for him to use them – I don’t know how many of them heard his voice in their heads, just as I did. And I knew he would hold their safety over me. I finally understood why the Jedi shy away from attachments, because, these kids, they made for a tighter leash than Snoke could ever have held me on otherwise.” His voice was bitter.

“But Snoke insisted, and after a few months of pain I gave in.” The way he spoke was dismissive, as though months of torture was merely par for the course. “There’s loads of untapped force potential in the storm-troopers,” he went on. “They condition them so young that any force-potential gets repressed after a few years. But if you get them young, their potential can be awakened.” His eyes were full of shame. “I only took the strongest ones. I told myself I was helping them, that I was giving them a chance at life. Storm-troopers are just cannon fodder – over half of them die on their first mission. I knew the ones I took would be used as weapons too, but at least I was giving them a chance.

“I tried not to get attached to them – to think of them as a nuisance, an annoyance, just another task that Snoke had commanded of me. But these kids – ” He broke off again, shaking his head. “Snoke insisted that they were kept on the Supremacy, where he could control them. They _hated_ it when I left them, because he would – do things to them. Things I don’t even want to think about, pushing them darker and darker. The dark side teaches that you draw strength from pain, and Snoke always criticised me for not including enough pain in their training, so he made sure to make up for that when I wasn’t there to protect them. And it was an incentive for me to finish missions faster – to be stronger, better. More ruthless.”

He took a deep, shuddering breath, a feverish glint entering his eye as he ploughed on with the tale. “One time I returned from a mission that had gone wrong. I’d failed – I took too long to make a move and the target I was hunting escaped. I came back to find the littlest one – Elenia – dead. Snoke had forced the others to tie her down and beat her unconscious. She never woke up. She was _five_ , Rey.”

He looked at her through haunted eyes. “After the Fulminatrix went down I knew that a warship wasn’t safe for them anymore. The attacks from the resistance were getting bolder and I couldn’t risk them going down with the ship or being captured – I knew the resistance would kill them if they got a chance. So after Snoke was gone, I took them to a world in the unknown regions, one out of the way of the First Order hyperlanes, where I thought no one would find them.”

“Oh Ben,” she breathed. Her cheeks were wet. She hadn’t realised she was crying.

“I don’t know how or why the resistance found that holomap,” he said bitterly. “I didn’t think anyone else knew where they were.”

“The General said it was found on Exegol, in one of the flagship destroyers.”

He nodded slowly. “I suppose that makes sense. Palpatine said he was every voice I’d ever heard inside my head. He’d been there from the beginning, I just didn’t know it. He must have seen where I took them. Perhaps he planned to use them to control me, like Snoke. Or perhaps it wasn’t about me, perhaps he just wanted them.” His eyes blazed as he looked at her. “I won’t give them up, Rey. If this is the one good thing I ever do then so be it.”

Her hands found his again, squeezing him as though she could take away his burden.

“Rey,” he said, his voice low. “Please don’t tell the resistance.”

She froze. “But – I – ”

“Please.” He said again. “Just let them think I’m stubborn, dark, whatever. Let them think I’m protecting the First Order. Don’t tell them about the apprentices.”

“Ben –” and she could feel the tears, now – hot, unwanted tears stinging her eyes and threatening to spill over. “I can’t.”

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t keep this a secret,” she whispered.

“ _Rey_ –”

“I’m so sorry, Ben. I can’t lie to them, I have to tell Leia.” Her voice shook and she gripped his hand so hard her fingers ached. The resistance – the only family she’d ever known, she _had_ to tell them.

“I’m not asking you to lie, I’m just asking you not to tell them.”

“That’s the same, Ben –”

“Please, what can I do to make you –”

She shook her head again. “You can’t, Ben. _I_ can’t. This is a _good_ thing, Ben – it’ll show them that you’re willing to cooperate – negotiate. You can’t seriously think I’d keep this to myself and let them torture you again!”

“They’re going to kriffing torture me either way, for fuck’s sake,” he hissed. “They’re not torturing me for information, they’re torturing me because they want to punish the Supreme Leader of the First Order. You’re blind if you can’t see that.”

He gripped her shoulders. “Rey please,” his words came out in a rush. “The resistance can’t know. The oldest ones are nineteen – that’s the same age as I was when Skywalker tried to kill me because he thought I was falling to the dark. And that was me, Rey, _me_ , the son of _two_ resistance generals, who grew up surrounded by light; he still tried to kill me because he thought there was a _chance_ that I had been corrupted. What do you think the resistance will do with people who _grew up_ in the dark? Who have known pain and death and suffering deep in their souls for as long as they can remember? It’s not their fault, Rey, it’s mine – I unlocked their powers, I taught them the ways of the force, yet the resistance will punish _them_ for it.”

She shook her head, gripping his wrists as his fingers dug into her, deep enough to bruise. “They _won’t_ , we can work this out. You’re right, they were innocent kids, the resistance will see that. We can find a way to _help_ them.”

“ _No_!” He was shaking now, looking truly panicked. “The resistance will hunt them down and it will be my fault –” he sucked in a breath. “Rey, please –” he crushed her to his chest, his shaking arms sending shudders through her as she fought to draw breath.

“ _Ben_ , get _off_ me, I can’t breathe –”

He didn’t let go, if anything he held her tighter as he began to sob softly into her hair.

“I need to keep them safe, I thought you would understand –”

“I _do_ understand, Ben,” she soothed, squirming in his crushing embrace, trying to carve out room to breathe. “You’re the one who doesn’t understand. The resistance won’t want to hurt them, you’ll see.”

“No, no, please don’t do this,” he moaned. “Don’t give the resistance a reason to look for them, just let them stay hidden, they’re not hurting anyone.” His hand found the back of her neck and pulled her in tighter.

“Ben, you’re _hurting_ me,” she hissed.

He let her go immediately, taking a moment to compose himself. His hands still shook and his voice was a ragged whisper.

“Please, Rey,” he said urgently, “my whole life I’ve never begged for anything but I’m begging you now. Don’t tell them.”

“Ben,” she said, as firmly as she could muster. “Try to hear me. I know you’re scared, but telling your mother about the apprentices is not going to bring them to any harm, because the location is still a secret. Wait until you hear what Leia says, ok? The resistance will want to _help_ them, not hurt them.”

“Just like they helped me when I was that age?” His voice was bitter.

She rested her forehead against his, her hands cupping his face. “I know, Ben. I know after what happened – what Luke did to you – that it would be hard to trust anyone again, especially the resistance, but –”

He shoved her roughly away from him, his face contorted with rage. “Don’t try to make out that this some kind of – some kind of _illogical, irrational worry_!” he snarled.

“That’s not –”

“I know what happened – I _know_ what the resistance does to force-users who are drawn to the dark!”

“This is _different_ , Luke was wrong – he _regretted_ it, Ben –”

“You’re not _listening_ to me!” and at that moment she felt his last ragged scrap of control snap, his fear bubble over, and she threw herself out of the way as his fist sailed past her and hit the wall with a sickening crunch.

Rey cried out in horror as he pounded the wall again, his knuckles bloody, smearing red across the durasteel.

“Stop, _stop it!”_ She cried, and she tried to catch his arm as he drew it back a third time but he flung her backwards and her head met the concrete floor with a _crack_ , as his knuckles slammed into the wall again, his whole body shaking, shoulders heaving, tears sliding down his face.

“Ben – oh gods – please stop Ben, please, just talk to me some more, I’ll stay, I won’t go anywhere, I won’t tell –” And then she shrieked again as his hand hit the wall with a crunch that could only be the sound of bones breaking, and she did the only thing left that she could think of, and raised her hand towards him.

Ben froze, locked in place by the force surrounding him, his arm drawn back and his bloodied mess of a hand still balled in to a fist. His face showed hurt and shock as he tried to fight her off, but the drug that kept him from the force was clearly still active in his system as his efforts were in vain.

Rey felt the back of her head tentatively. An egg-shaped bruise was rapidly forming, but there was no blood when she withdrew her hand.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. She scrambled back to her feet. “I know – I know it’s not fair to use the force on you when you – when you – but I – I didn’t know what else to do.”

She shifted her hold on him so that the force only gripped his arms, holding them at his sides.

“Let me go.” His voice shook with barely controlled rage.

“I will,” she said. “But only if you promise you won’t hurt yourself again.”

He was silent. Then he lowered his eyes and nodded.

She released him immediately, and he fell, slumping against the wall. His hand looked twisted; at least one of his knuckles broken.

“Oh force, your hand.” She stepped forward, reaching for the force to heal him, but he jerked away from her.

“Don’t fucking touch me, Rey. I mean it.”

Her stomach clenched at the venom in his voice.

“You can’t leave your hand like that.”

“I know.” His jaw clenched. “But I don’t want you touching me.”

Rey flinched. “Why not?”

 _Of course he doesn’t want you,_ a mean voice in her mind gloated. _Your parents didn’t want you, Ben doesn’t want you, and after this is over the resistance probably won’t want you either._

“Because I’m angry.” He gritted out the words. “And I don’t want to hurt you. But if you touch me I think I will.”

His words bit into her, and she took a step back.

“Would you like me to leave?”

His mouth twitched downward. “Do what you want. I’m the one who has to take orders here, aren’t I? You’re free to come and go as you please.”

She choked back a sob, covering her face with her hands, her lungs burning, and she forced herself to swallow her tears. _Don’t make this about you. Don’t take that away from him too._

She forced herself to look at him. He was staring stubbornly at his lap. “I know you don’t trust me right now, Ben. I – I don’t see how you could after everything you’ve been through here. I should have done more but I – I didn’t know how.” She choked in another breath. “I’ll never be able to make that up to you, and I understand if you never trust me again. But I hope you can believe that I’m not just doing this for me. Or even for the resistance. I really think this could work out for the best. For you and for the apprentices.”

He shook his head disbelievingly. “ _How_?”

“Think about what will happen each way. When they look at you, they see the Supreme Leader. They see you protecting the First Order and refusing to cooperate, and that shows them that you don’t feel remorse for what the First Order has done. For what _you’ve_ done, Ben.”

“I _do_ feel –”

“I know you do,” she said quickly. “But they don’t. And you’re right, they want to punish you for it, and if you don’t give them anything then they’ll keep hurting you, maybe until they get a trial together and sentence you to death but more likely there’ll be some kind of _accident_ in a torture session and that’ll be it, and I’ll never get to see you again.”

Her voice cracked and she sucked in a breath, once again reminding herself: _This is not about you._

“If I tell them about the people you’re protecting, they’ll not only see you as willing to cooperate, but they’ll also know that you’re not some – some mad despot protecting the First Order. That you had reason, a _really_ _good_ reason, for holding back the information. I mean, the fact that you chose to be tortured rather than risk putting children in harm’s way – children who you rescued from the Storm Trooper programme where they almost certainly would have died. That’s pretty fucking noble, Ben. This could be a turning point, where they start to see you differently.”

He shook his head again, avoiding her gaze, and Rey saw that his eyes were wet with unshed tears.

“And I know you’re scared for them, but I honestly _don’t_ think the resistance will want to hurt them.”

“How can you be so certain?”

“Because honestly, even if people _did_ want to hurt them, killing children is not a good look. And, after Exegol, the resistance has a lot of brand-new allies that they’re going to want to keep.” She hesitated. “Because your mother is a good person, and she wouldn’t allow the killing of children. But she’s also a good general, and she’ll know that attempting to attack multiple trained force-users, trained by you, the most powerful force-user in the galaxy, would be a recipe for disaster. She’ll want to try to win them over. But none of that could happen without the location, so you can still wait and see what she has to say before you decide anything else. Just hear what your mother and the other leaders have to say and we can work from there, ok?”

His shoulders slumped. He looked resigned – broken – and his voice was low and ragged, but his eyes blazed when he spoke. “If the resistance go after them, I’ll never forgive you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your amazing comments and theories after the last chapter!!
> 
> I would love to hear what you thought of this chapter! I ended up having a lot of trouble with this and re-wrote it several times before I landed on something I was semi-happy with – I think mostly because I hadn’t properly planned out what their reactions would be to each other when Rey insists on telling the resistance. Initially my instinct was to have them have a much bigger fight over this, but then it felt like I was just putting the characters through unnecessary pain, and I felt like it made the story too bleak, especially so close to the end of this installment of the story (we are approaching the end of part 1, and there will be a part 2 although I might take a break before starting that). 
> 
> What do you think? Is Rey right to insist on telling the resistance? Is Ben being fair by being so angry with her? Why can’t these two space babies just run away together and have space babies of their own?? (because clearly my sick mind doesn’t allow happy endings to come that easily…)


	23. Chapter 23

Rey slipped out of the cell and leaned back against the door. Ben had finally agreed to let her fix his hand, but the healing had left her feeling tired and dizzy, especially after giving him so much of her energy the previous night. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to collect herself. Then she tapped a few buttons on her commlink, speaking into it when it connected.

“Poe? It’s Rey. Can you come up to Ben’s cell please?”

_“Rey? What the hell is going on? We couldn’t find you all night, are you ok?”_

“I’m fine, can you please just come?”

_“Yes, yes of course I’ll come, I’m coming now. Do you need anything? Are you hurt?”_

“I’m fine, I’ve – I’ve got some information for the general, but I don’t want to leave him alone.”

_“Wow, kriff, you got the intel from him? That’s amazing, Rey!”_

“Only part of it. But it might be all we need.”

_“That’s brilliant news. I’m on my way.”_

“Poe?”

_“Yes?”_

“Can you bring a stun blaster?”

“ _What the fuck? Yes, of course. But what the fuck happened? Why do you sound like you’re about to cry?”_

She disconnected the comm and put her head in her hands.

She felt Ben brush against the bond, his anxiety burning through him.

 _\-- It’s going to be ok_ , she soothed.

He didn’t respond, but she felt a profound sense of uncertainty from him.

_\-- I’m going to cut you off now, ok? Just for an hour or so whilst I speak to your mother. And then we’ll both come speak to you after, ok?_

_\-- I don’t have much choice, do I._

_\-- I wish it wasn’t like this._

_\-- Me too._

She closed off her end of the bond, as Poe came sprinting into view. His hair was mussed up as though he has been sleeping, despite it already being mid-morning.

“Rey!” He threw his arms around her. “Thank force you’re ok. What happened?”

“Oh force,” she whispered, and suddenly she was crying again.

“Hey, hey, it’s ok.” He hugged her tightly.

Rey buried her face in his shoulder as the weight of the morning washed over her. The sweet taste of waking in Ben’s bed and how _right_ it felt, his strong arms around her, kissing her. The horror of all his apprentices had been through and begging her not to reveal them. Losing control. Hurting himself. _I did that to him._

She took deep breaths, in for three, out for five, just like Luke had taught her.

“C’mon, you’re ok Peanut.” Poe stroked her hair softly.

She nodded wetly into his shoulder. “I’m ok.” She pulled away from him, composing herself. “I’m ok.”

Poe cocked his head, his brows creased in concern. “Well, you’re not. But that’s ok too – it’s ok to not be ok sometimes. What happened, Peanut?”

“Oh force, I – I’ll tell you properly later, I promise. I need to speak to the general, it’s urgent. But I need you to stay here and watch him, if you’re ok to do that? He was pretty upset after some of the things he told me. Well, when I said I’d need to pass it on. If he tries to hurt himself I need you to stop him.”

Poe’s eyes widened.

“And don’t let anyone else near him,” she added. “If Teelo or anyone comes by, tell them we have what we need and they’re not to touch him – if they complain, tell them to see Leia about it. We’ll be in her office.” _If they complain you can tell them to go fuck themselves,_ she thought privately.

“Oh, wow, ok.” He looked uncertain. “I mean, I’m fine with the Teelo stuff – I wasn’t too happy about her getting him again anyway. There are some pretty nasty rumours going round about what she had planned for him and frankly I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Which I guess he kinda is.”

Rey nodded in thanks.

“But stopping him from hurting himself? I mean, what do you expect me to do?”

“Just – just talk to him. And if he does anything, ask him to stop, and tell him that if he doesn’t then you’ll have to stun him, and you know he doesn’t want that.”

Poe grimaced, fiddling with his blaster holster. “Can’t you just knock him out? Do that force-sleep thing?

“I’d really rather not.” She shuffled uncomfortably. “It’s not something I’ve ever really practiced – I wouldn’t know if I was doing it safely. When I did it to him before I just kind of… attacked his mind. I only did it because I couldn’t think of another option. Plus, he might be out for an hour, he might be out for ten – I don’t know how to control it.”

“And you want me to be _in_ the room with him?”

“Is that an issue?”

Poe sighed. “I s’pose not.”

Rey hugged him again in thanks, and Poe took the keys from her, somewhat reluctantly.

He opened the door to the cell, then immediately slammed it shut. “Uh, slight problem.”

“What?”

Poe looked pained.

 _\-- He’s afraid the mad dog is going to bite him,_ Ben sent, his mental voice sarcastic. _\-- He'd like said dog to be on a leash._

“ _Oh_.”

She hadn’t cuffed Ben before she left. Of course she hadn’t. She never wanted to see him restrained again.

Ben had already placed the cuff around his wrist when Rey entered. He held his arm out towards her and she hesitated.

“Is this ok?” she asked quietly.

“I’m not ok with any of this.” He shrugged, scowling. “But do it. I won’t fight you.”

Her fingers touched his briefly, before he pulled his hand away.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

***

Ben raised his eyebrows as Dameron stepped into the room. The pilot looked uncomfortable.

“Hey man. Looks like we need to find you a new set of clothes.”

Ben looked down at himself. “You think?” he huffed.

“Might be a problem finding things that fit. You’re not exactly normal-sized. I don’t suppose you know what Teelo did with the ones you were wearing?”

Ben shrugged. “Covered in blood anyway.”

The pilot paled but seemed to recover quickly. “So do you want to tell me why Rey’s got you on some kind of suicide watch?”

“I do not.”

“Rey said you gave her some information, and then you got upset when she said she’d have to share it?”

Ben gritted his teeth. “Something like that.”

“Which begs the question of why you shared it in the first place.”

“Indeed.”

Dameron sighed. “Not much of a talker, are you?”

Ben crossed his arms as best he could with the chain around his wrist, and Dameron ploughed on.

“This has been hard on Rey, too, you know. She cares about the resistance but she also cares about you. She’s been stuck in the middle, trying to give the resistance what they want and trying to protect you.”

Ben’s stomach clenched. “She shouldn’t bother.”

“I’m with you, man – I told her the same. But she is bothering. And getting a lot of flack from people too, I might add.”

“What kind of flack?”

“Little comments, looks. Whispers when she comes into a room. That sort of thing. People calling her a traitor, refusing to sit with her. I know it sounds like playground stuff, but it adds up. She used to command a lot of respect but now people are just plain scared of her. She’s lost a lot of the influence that she used to have but that hasn’t stopped her trying. She wants you to be more than just a prisoner here.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible. I don’t know if I even want that.”

Dameron sighed, nodding. “I saw what they did to you.” He shifted his weight from foot to foot where he stood, leaning against the far wall. “The resistance, they’re – they’re my people, you know. They’re like my family. I’m not gonna pretend I don’t have a real family like Rey or Finn or someone, because I do, and they’re great, but the resistance – they’re a different kind of family. And I want to believe in what they do. But what they did to you yesterday? I can’t get behind that.” He shook his head.

Ben shrugged, unsure how to respond. “I probably deserved it. I’ve done a lot of bad things.”

Dameron shook his head again. “That’s the thing, though. One bad thing doesn’t sanction another. You’ve done bad things, and that’ll be judged appropriately when the time comes, but that’s a separate issue. It doesn’t make it ok for the resistance to do the same. And Teelo, man, they’re not all like her. She’s actually a pretty unusual case. She used to work for the cartel, you know, like as an enforcer or something.”

Ben stayed silent. He _did_ know, in fact. But at least if Dameron kept rambling on, he might not ask Ben any more questions.

“And then one day she turns up at base – a _secret_ base, mind you, force knows how she knew how to find us because she didn’t come via any of the usual channels, it was actually quite concerning – and just says she’s had enough of working for the bad guys, and she wants to work for the good guys, and she thought that was us. And she had so much knowledge and information – years’ worth of intel, really – that no one could really say no to her.”

Ben snorted. “She sounds like me. Good intel, bad past, and don’t fit in here.”

He meant is as a joke, but Dameron nodded, looking thoughtful.

“Maybe, man, maybe. I guess if people could accept someone like Teelo then maybe they could come to accept someone like you. Although, Teelo never really stopped doing the things she was infamous for, like torturing and interrogating and stuff. And I hope that’s not the case for you – I don’t quite fancy being force-choked over breakfast or whatever it is you do.”

Ben shook his head. “If they ever let me back to the force, I’ll do my best not to choke you with it. Can’t promise the same for Teelo or those guards, though.”

“That’s fair enough.” The pilot nodded, as if mulling something over. “So. Now we’re slightly better acquainted I’ll ask you again: do you wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Ben shrugged. “I’m sure you’ll hear it from Rey in due course.”

“Must’ve been something big,” the pilot said casually. “Because you’ve obviously been whaling on that durasteel, and if I didn’t know better I’d say you’d been crying. But for a man who took eight hours of torture yesterday without shedding a tear, I’d say that wasn’t possible.”

Ben snorted. “They lied to you.”

“Come again?”

“Whoever told you I didn’t cry yesterday. I did. A lot, from what I remember.”

Dameron’s eyes widened.

“What?” Ben said, slightly defensively. “Everyone cries during torture. _You_ did. I was there.”

Dameron flinched. “I wish you’d stop bringing that up. Just when I was thinking there’s a chance I could warm up to you…”

“Well you shouldn’t. I’m not a nice person. And Rey shouldn’t either."

“It’s not up to you to decide how Rey feels. You just need to accept it, and start treating her how she deserves.”

“And what would you know about –”

“Like just now, for example,” the pilot interrupted. “Think of the position you’re putting her in – telling her the information that you know the resistance has asked her to get, and then asking her not to share it. It’s like you’re trying to test her loyalties.”

Ben seethed. Mostly because he resented being lectured by this cocky flyboy, but partly because he could see the truth in Dameron’s words. “Well,” he scowled, “that shouldn’t be a problem, now she has a better sense of what kind of man I am.”

They lapsed into awkward silence, Ben eventually opting to stare listlessly at one of the holobooks Rey had left, in an attempt to pass the time. He gestured at the pile of books, indicating that Dameron could do the same, but the pilot shook his head, evidently concerned about the possibilities that might arise if he took his eyes off his captive for too long a time.

After Ben had read the same paragraph at least eight times, still none the wiser as to what it said, the pilot’s wrist comm chirped into life. Ben sat up a little straighter as Rey’s voice filled the room.

_“Poe? Could you bring Ben to Interrogation Room E please? Tell him it’s just to talk, he won’t be – he won’t be harmed.”_


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY! Life got really busy! I hope you like this update!!
> 
> Also I'm really behind on replying to comments but I do appreciate them SO MUCH and plan to reply to every one!!

Ben froze, his heart thudding in this throat. This was it; he was about to hear the resistance’s response to knowledge of his apprentices. Whatever it was, it couldn’t be good. Even if the resistance agreed to let them be – which was unlikely – he had put his apprentices on the map. They would no longer be able to slip under the radar; whispers of force-sensitives would become more than whispers; the resistance would find them eventually. His gaze snapped to Dameron, half-baked escape plans running frantically through his mind. The pilot would have to uncuff him to take him to the interrogation room; when Dameron came close enough, Ben could knock him out and – and _what?_ Even if he escaped; even if he could, somehow, take out Dameon and steal a ship without using the force _and_ without being spotted and most likely shot, it wouldn’t change anything. The resistance would still know about the apprentices, only this time Ben would be far away and unable to barter for their safety. Although the most likely outcome was that he would be dead. _No,_ he thought resignedly, _the best chance for them is if I try to get into the resistance’s good books._ Plus, he realised with some confusion, he found himself strangely loath to attack Dameron. But he could interrogate that feeling in more detail later.

“ _Poe?”_ Rey’s voice came again, and Ben realised the pilot had yet to respond to her. In fact, Dameron was stock still, regarding him with more than a little wariness on his face.

Ben hastily averted his gaze, leaning back against the wall in what he hoped was a non-threatening posture.

Dameron shook himself. “Yep, ok copy that,” he spoke into the comm, then hesitated. “Uh, this guy still needs some clothes…”

“ _I sent some_.” She sounded puzzled. “ _Didn’t BB-8 arrive?_ ”

“Oh. I don’t know.”

Dameron strode to the door and threw it open, revealing a small orange and white BB unit, a heap of fabric draped over one mechanical arm. Ben’s eyes widened, looking from the droid to Dameron, then back to the droid.

“Is this –?” he began, astonished.

“Yep.”

The droid rolled into the room, chirping furiously in binary.

Dameron smirked. “He doesn’t like you.”

Ben nodded. “I know, I can understand him.”

The droid continued to twitter angrily, zooming round and round Dameron in what Ben supposed was a protective gesture, chirping about how _the bad man_ had hurt his master; how he saw the bad man attack Rey and carry her away on Takodana – Ben’s eyebrows shot up upon hearing that the much sought-after droid had been barely metres away at the time –; how his master had had months of agonising nightmares after he was hurt by the bad man; how his master _still_ sometimes wakes up in a cold sweat, remembering how the bad man hurt him –

“Woah ok, that’s enough buddy,” Dameron hastily interrupted, and the bleeping trailed off into an erratic and irate-sounding whirring, which Ben heavily suspected was this droid’s idiosyncratic way of swearing.

Dameron tossed him the fresh set of clothes. Something had hardened in his face and he avoided Ben’s gaze. Ben pulled on the trousers gratefully, then hesitated, gesturing to the chain around his wrist.

The pilot raised his blaster. Ben blinked in confusion, before the droid rolled forward and unlocked the cuff, allowing him to finish dressing. Keeping the blaster carefully trained on him, Dameon tossed him a set of wrist-binders.

“Put these on.”

After BB-8 had, none too gently, checked and re-checked that the binders were locked in place, Dameron nodded and moved towards the door.

“I’ll see if we can get you some boots at some point.”

Ben nodded in thanks. He made to move towards the door, but Dameron levelled the blaster at him again and he stopped in his tracks.

“Don’t try anything,” the pilot warned.

Ben raised his brows questioningly.

“Just – just don’t, ok?” Dameron looked resigned. “I know you’re thinking about it – I would be too. You won’t make it. Don’t give someone a reason to shoot you.”

Ben shrugged; an _I’m innocent_ gesture.

Eventually, Dameron nodded again. “Ok. Let's go.”

***

Rey stiffened slightly as Ben was escorted into the room. Poe waited for Ben to sit, then clipped his shackles into a metal ring protruding from the tabletop. Interrogation E was smaller than the previous interrogation room. Paint was peeling from the durasteel walls, and the metal tabletop was red with rust. It was, Rey had to concede, not particularly suitable, but she had insisted that they not hold the meeting at the scene of Ben’s torture.

“I’ll be outside if you need anything,” Poe said, retreating from the room.

Leia stared at her son, forehead creased, her eyes taking in his cuffed wrists and roving over his face. He avoided eye contact, the tension evident in his shoulders and the set of his jaw.

“Ben,” she whispered.

Ben hesitated, shifting in his chair. “General Organa,” he said. His hands were clenched into fists in front of him.

Rey thought she saw the general wince, ever so slightly, at his words. Leia dropped her gaze then, settling her gaze on his hands, almost as though she wanted to reach out to him.

“Ben,” Leia said again. Her eyes were back on his, pain etched upon her face.

His throat bobbed as he swallowed, and he shook his head, very slightly.

Rey wasn’t sure if they were also speaking through the force – she wasn’t even sure if that was possible; they didn’t share a force bond, not one that Rey was aware of, at any rate – but the words behind their actions were clear.

_Call me mother. Please._

_No. It’s too painful._

Leia nodded once, the corner of her mouth twitching downwards in disappointment, but when she spoke again her voice was clear and steady, every bit the composed politician, tempering the tension in the room.

“Rey has been filling me in on what you told her, Ben. The resistance appreciates your cooperation. _I_ appreciate your cooperation.”

He gave a curt nod.

“I understand that you’re very concerned about the children. Your apprentices.”

He eyed her, warily. “Yes.”

“And may I ask why that is? Is it that you care for them personally, or that you don’t want to lose apprentices that you spent time and effort training?”

His face darkened in anger. “The former.”

Leia nodded. “I’d hoped so. Rey tells me that you won’t reveal the location.”

“I won’t. You can execute me, or lock me up and throw away the key, or give me back to Teelo – I don’t care. They don’t deserve to die.”

“I don’t believe any of that will be necessary. And your apprentices are not going to die. Not at the hands of the resistance, at any rate.”

He shook his head slowly, looking confused, and Leia continued.

“Now, my understanding is that you moved the apprentices planetside to keep them safe, and you withheld the location from the rest of the First Order, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“However, we know now that Palpatine knew their location, and whilst Palpatine is gone we can’t rule out the possibility that he passed that information along to others. The apprentices might be in danger anyway: of being used or recruited by the First Order, or taken as hostages to get to you, or killed by those who fear the force and those who wield it. Of course, your apprentices are probably better equipped than most to defend themselves, but with the potential might of the First Order against them, you have to ask yourself whether you’re willing to risk it.”

Ben hung his head but said nothing.

“I would like to propose an extraction mission, to take the apprentices out of harm’s way.”

Ben’s head snapped up. “No,” he said immediately. “I won’t give away their location.”

“I know. And I have to say, I don’t like this, but Rey has vouched for you and it does seem to be the only viable option. If there is to be an extraction mission, you would need to go with them.”

Ben’s jaw dropped.

“That way,” Leia continued, “only the people that you go with will know. Or you could decide not to tell them at all, although that would mean that you would need to pilot the entire flight, and since you’ve already told Rey that the planet is not near any known hyperlanes, that might be a tall order.”

Ben seemed to recover himself slightly. “You actually want to get them out?” he whispered.

“Yes. They’re children, Ben. Well, young adults, some of them, but they’re people, not weapons. And from what Rey has told me it sounds like they know very little of the galaxy; they may well need our help.”

“But Luke –”

“– made a mistake.” Leia finished. “He made a mistake by attacking you, Ben. An inexcusable mistake, one that I may never forgive him for, one that took my son away from me for _ten_ years - but it _was_ a mistake. He was wrong.”

Ben stared at her. “So you’re not going to kill them?” he choked out.

“No.”

He breathed a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping.

“Now it’s clear that you’re very worried about what might happen to them, and Rey felt that you might not want to bring them here, especially since the reception you got here was less than welcoming. So what I’d suggest is this: when you get them off that planet, wherever it is, take them somewhere that they will be safe. Somewhere that the First Order doesn’t know about. There are several unmanned bases that I can think of that might be suitable; there would be enough space for them to keep themselves busy, and enough supplies to last several years since there are only a small number of them. The resistance can provide chaperones for them, guards even, if you’re worried about their safety. But you will need to come back here, Ben. I’m sorry about that, I know you will probably want to stay with them, but you’re too important – too dangerous – for the resistance to release you. You will need to stand trial at some point but until that day comes, I would like you to help us win the war. It will help the other soldiers get used to you, get to know you, and they may be lenient when it comes to sentencing you. But that is a conversation for another time. The important thing is that the children will be safe.”

He frowned. “So they would be hostages, then? I do what you say, or they get hurt?”

“ _No, Ben,_ ” Leia said gently. “The purpose would be to keep them safe. Not to keep them prisoner.”

“You’re a hypocrite,” he said bluntly. “You say they’re not weapons yet you want them under resistance control. You would have the resistance use them just as the First Order would. And even if you claim you don’t want to hurt them, what if Teelo or Jones or some other prick decides to take a ship and bomb the place?”

Leia bristled. “They wouldn’t. They’re _children_ , Ben!”

“You don’t think people are going to have a problem when they find out you’ve moved _Kylo Ren’s Sith academy_ to a resistance base?”

“ _Is_ it a Sith academy?” she challenged. “Are you a _Sith_ , Ben?”

“No of course not,” he scoffed. “And Sith don’t have academies.”

“No. They don’t.”

“That’s just a technicality.” Ben set his jaw stubbornly, and suddenly he looked much younger; a surly boy, arguing with his mother. “If just one resistance fighter knows where they are, they’ll be in danger. I won’t leave them somewhere that’s known to the resistance.”

“I see.” Leia seemed to be thinking. “Ben, is there anyone in the galaxy that you trust?”

“Would you trust anyone?” he snapped, “if you were me?”

Leia sighed. “Ben.”

He hesitated. “Rey. I trust Rey.”

Rey blinked in surprise and relief, her eyes snapping to his, but his gaze was fixed on the table.

Leia was looking thoughtful. “What if, once you’ve collected the apprentices from – from wherever it is they are, you and Rey took them to a location that only the two of you knew about? You could get them settled there, make sure the area is safe and they have everything they need, then you and Rey would return here. Not that I _like_ the idea of leaving a group of children unsupervised, but I suppose it would be similar to their current situation, except this time they wouldn’t be potential targets for the First Order. Rey could visit them regularly to check on them and support their training, if they want to continue to train.”

“They will. Although they have been training for longer than Rey. Perhaps Rey might learn something from _them_.”

Rey flushed. Leia ignored him.

“ _You_ might be able to visit them too, Ben, if we can persuade the other leaders to support that.” _If you behave yourself,_ the unspoken meaning behind her words.

Ben’s jaw clenched and unclenched several times. “Why would you do that?” he asked, eventually. He narrowed his eyes at his mother. “If they’re not going to be under the eye of the resistance? What’s in it for you? And don’t spin some shit about wanting to _help the children._ There are children in danger all over the galaxy and the resistance isn’t clamouring to help _them._ What’s in it for the resistance?”

Leia sighed. “The bottom line is that even if the resistance can’t have them, we don’t want the First Order to have them either. We have to assume that the First Order knows their location, and that they might want to recruit them. If we move them to a new location, we deprive the First Order of a major resource. And yes, of course I hope that eventually they will want to join the resistance. The same way that I hope you will. We can’t force them, and we’ll do our best not to manipulate them, but force-users are too big a potential asset to ignore.” She gave a questioning kind of frown. “We’re still at war.”

Ben looked slightly dazed. His lips moved, deep in thought, and Rey felt certain that he was running through different possibilities, trying to calculate the odds of all the different things that could go wrong. Eventually, he nodded stiffly. “That would be acceptable, yes.”

Then he sighed. “I don’t understand you people. You spend over a week so concerned about me escaping that you chain me to every available surface,” he rattled his wrist cuffs pointedly, “and now you’re suggesting that I hop in a ship and fly off to an _undisclosed location_?”

“You would be under armed guard, Ben,” she reminded him sternly. “Rey would be with you the whole time. Along with a selection of fighters of her choice, for the first part of the trip, at least. And you would still be unable to use the force.”

Rey opened her mouth to protest, and the general held up a hand to silence her.

Ben shook his head. “I’d need the force. I’ve never flown without it.”

“Don’t push your luck, Ben. Your father didn’t have one iota of force sensitivity, and he was one of the best pilots I’ve ever known. You’ll fly just fine without it, it’s in your blood.”

He reddened slightly. “Fine.” Then: “have the other leaders agreed to this?”

“I believe they will, once they understand that it’s in the best interests of the resistance. Depriving the First Order access to force-users would be a blow. And now that we know about the apprentices, am I right to think that there’s no one else that you’re protecting?”

“Yes.”

“So may I assume that, after the apprentices have been safely relocated, you will not only be able to reveal the location of the star system for the resistance to investigate further, but that we will also have your _full cooperation_ when it comes to matters of intelligence and the fight against the First Order?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

“Then I don’t believe that we’ll have a problem. But if anyone does object, or question my motivations, I believe they will be persuaded after I remind them that they tortured my son.” Her gaze hardened further. “And that I allowed it. For the good of the resistance.”


	25. Chapter 25

It was early afternoon by the time they’d finished loading The Falcon. She’d expected it to take longer – not the loading part, but the _persuading the rest of the resistance_ part – but Leia had laid down some convincing arguments and the other leaders had reluctantly acquiesced to their plan. Perhaps they were just relieved to have Ben off-base and out of mind for a while.

Poe gave a grunt of effort as he hefted the final crate up the boarding ramp. “This was a lot easier when we had Chewie to help out with the heavy lifting,” he complained.

Rey smiled. It felt strange to fly the Falcon without him, but she understood Chewie’s need to return to his family on Kashyyk. And she was grateful that he’d left them the Falcon in his absence. She wondered how Chewie would feel about Ben flying it; until he returned from Kashyyk or otherwise got in touch, there was no way to contact him to ask.

She followed Poe inside to the cargo hold, helping him lash down the crates; it wouldn’t do to have them crashing around if they had to perform any evasive manoeuvres during their flight.

“What do we think? Will that be enough?”

“I think so.” She nodded. “There are seven apprentices, so this should last them a long while.”

Poe hummed in agreement, wrestling a tarpaulin over a second pile of supplies. “Why seven, d’you think? Weren’t there seven Knights of Ren, too?” He tossed her the end of a long strap, for Rey to secure to the wall of the cargo hold.

She shook her head. She wasn’t sure she wanted to talk about this, but the more her friends knew about Ben, the more likely they were to accept him. “There were eight originally. One died.”

“Shit.” Poe stepped back from the pile of lashings at his feet, wiping his hands on his trousers. “That’s terrible. I guess that’s what happens when you send children into battle.”

Rey shook her head again. “She… she didn’t die in battle,” she said, carefully. “Snoke killed her. As a punishment for Ben.”

Poe froze, turning slowly to face her.

Rey swallowed. “Actually, Snoke didn’t kill her. He forced the other apprentices to kill her. She was beaten to death.”

The colour drained from Poe’s face, and took a step backwards, bumping against the pile of boxes. He braced himself with one hand. “Mother _fucker_ ,” he hissed. He pressed his fingers to his temples, as if he could erase that image. “That’s why he was so desperate to protect them.”

Rey nodded silently.

Poe swore again, rubbing his head. “Snoke killed her to punish Ben? That – that doesn’t even make sense.”

Rey’s stomach twisted painfully, and she had to take a breath before speaking. “I guess to a Sith or whatever Snoke was, it did. Ben cared about them, so threatening them was a way to keep Ben in line…”

“Kriffing hells. Poor Ben. Those poor kids.”

“I know.” It hardly bore thinking about – the children forced to hurt each other; the pointless, needless suffering. Had they protested, had they resisted, she wondered, when Snoke gave the order? Or had they obeyed out of blind fear of their master’s master? And Ben – had he wept and raged and fought for them, when he found her? She swallowed hard and pushed away her ruminations – that wasn’t going to help them. _There is no emotion, there is peace._

Poe was still shaking his head in disgust. She cast her eye over the hold one last time. “I think we’re done here. Will Rose and Finn be ready soon?”

She turned towards the door, but Poe caught her arm.

“Rey.”

Her eyes snapped back up to his.

“How did you convince Leia?” Poe took a step towards her. “I know he’s her son and everything, but she’s done everything by the book up until now. Doesn’t seem like the kind of plan she’d agree to in a million years.”

Rey sighed. “It’s not that Leia doesn’t care about him. She doesn’t have as much power around here as she used to. A lot of people wanted him dead, no questions asked.”

“I’m sure. But that’s not what I asked.” His voice was carefully casual, but hard curiosity lay underneath.

She glanced toward the door of the cargo hold, checking for any unexpected passers-by.

“Rey?”

She straightened, and held his gaze. “I told her that the only way to get to those apprentices is if Ben goes there himself. And then I told her that if something doesn’t change for Ben – if they don’t get him out of that cell and start treating him like a human being – then I’d take him away myself and she’d never see either of us again.”

Poe’s eyes widened, but to his credit he didn’t look disapproving. “You really thought about it?” he asked, quietly. “Deserting?”

She set her jaw, refusing to allow her voice to waver. “I still haven’t ruled it out.”

He gave a low whistle.

“What?” Heat rose to her face. “I’m under no obligation to fight for the resistance, Poe. I haven’t been _conscripted_ , I can leave whenever I want!”

“ _You_ can. _Ren_ is a prisoner of war.”

She noted his return to Ben’s chosen name.

“I’m not mad, Rey. I’m not. But… threatening to release a prisoner could get you arrested. You should be careful.”

“Oh what are they going to do? Drug me, like they are with Ben?”

Poe winced. “Kriff.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I’m on your side, here, I swear. I just don’t want you to get hurt. What if Leia told the other generals you said that?”

“She won’t. She said it herself; they need force-users. It’s the whole reason we’re making this trip. They need me.”

His brow creased and he shuffled uncomfortably, avoiding her eyes.

Rey looked down. Admitting that she’d come close to treason was probably not the smartest idea she’d even had. Poe was her friend, but he was also _Poe Dameron:_ commander, war hero, and literal poster-boy for the resistance.

“You can’t deny he’s been treated appallingly here,” she said quietly.

“Yes. He has.” He pushed his hair back off his face again. “I’ll bet he’s grateful – without you they would have left him in that cell to rot.”

“He doesn’t know. I don’t want him thinking he owes me anything.”

“Really, Peanut? I mean, he _does_ owe you.”

“No, he doesn’t.” The words came out more forcefully than she’d meant them. “Don’t tell him. He’s been through enough as it is.”

***

An hour later, Rey was escorting Ben onto the Falcon. He slowed as they reached the top of the boarding ramp, shifting his wrists uncomfortably in the binders.

“You ok?”

He set his jaw and nodded.

As soon as they were out of view of the people on the ground, Rey reached for the force and the binders sprang open, falling to the floor.

Ben raised his eyebrows. “Thanks.” He shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Do you, uh, know where you want to sleep?”. Ben must have had his own bunk on the Falcon when he was a child, probably the small single berth across the hall from the captain’s cabin, but whether he would want to sleep in it now, she wasn’t sure. She tried to imagine Ben as a child running around the Falcon, possibly pursued by a harried-looking Han or Chewie. It was difficult to reconcile the image with the brooding, tormented man before her.

Ben’s face was pained. It wasn’t hard to guess why. He’d flown the galaxy in this ship with two beings, one of whom he’d murdered, and the other who had shot him with a bowcaster.

“I’ll just stay in the cockpit,” he muttered, and set off down the passageway without waiting for her.

Rey followed, trotting to catch up. “You want to stay in the cockpit the whole time? How long is the flight?”

“Three days from here. Maybe four, depending.”

“Depending on what?”

He scowled. “On how often this piece of junk breaks down.” 

“Well three days is too long to go without sleeping,” she said firmly. “You can sleep in between jump points.”

They reached the cockpit and he threw himself down in the pilot’s seat, his scowl deepening as he cast his eyes over the controls. “Hey! Who in force’s name thought it was a good idea to put a compressor on the ignition line?”

Rey suppressed a smile and assured him that the compressor was no longer operational.

Rose and Finn joined them shortly after, with Poe and BB-8 shortly behind.

“I call co-pilot,” Poe said, swinging his satchel onto the seat next to Ben’s.

“I don’t need a co-pilot,” Ben said quickly. “I’ve been flying this thing since I was six.”

“Not for about ten years, you haven’t. And as I’m sure you know, she’s got her, uh, idiosyncrasies. You need a co-pilot for take-off, at least.”

Ben pouted. “Well you’ll need to leave whilst I input coordinates for the first jump. I meant it when I said I’m not giving you the location.”

Poe held his hands up, nodding reassuringly. “Ok, buddy, no problem.” He looked towards Rey and jerked his head towards the passageway. “A word?”

She followed him into the corridor, leaving Ben to commence the pre-flight checks.

When they reached the common area, Poe turned to face her, a small frown upon his face. “Look,” he said, “I’ve been thinking about this. A lot.”

Rey cocked her head.

“I’ve got to ask,” he crossed his arms and leaned against the bulkhead. “Do you trust him? Like, really, truly, properly trust him?”

Rey considered. Ben could be volatile, yes. Especially when he was scared, or hurt, or trapped. Like a wounded animal, he would fight, and fight _hard_ , if he were forced. But he had never, in his right mind, wanted to hurt her; had stopped short of outright aggression when not in his right mind; and had cooperated with the resistance as far as he could without betraying his apprentices, despite his deplorable treatment at their hands. She trusted him.

“Yes. I do, Poe. I think he would have joined the resistance willingly if they hadn’t taken him prisoner. And I’m not sure what he wants now – the resistance might have ruined any chances of getting him on side after what he’s been through here – but he’s not going to go murdering us in our sleep if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Poe nodded. “Good.” He pulled what looked like a hip flask out of his jacket. “This is what they’ve been drugging him with,” he explained, flatly. “More than enough to dose him up with it every day of our trip.”

Rey eyed the flask with distaste, the blood in her veins seeming to hum a little stronger at the sight of it.

“I’m supposed to keep this on me at all times, according to commander Steel.” Poe scowled. “But after hearing what those kids have been through and how much he cares about them – well, it hardly seems like he’s about to sabotage this mission. At least, not until we’ve actually picked up the kids, and at that point there’ll be seven other force-users on board and, frankly, _his_ powers won’t be my main concern.” He chuckled darkly.

Rey’s eyes widened, and she nodded, hardly daring to believe what he was saying.

“Anyway, just like I’ve been instructed, I’ll keep it on me, in this jacket, at all times.”

Rey deflated. Why the kriff was he telling her this then, if he didn’t mean what she thought he meant?

“But,” a glint entered his eye, “if, for example, my jacket were to _accidentally_ get mixed up with the trash and thrown out an air-lock – well that would be out of my hands, wouldn’t it?”

Rey gaped, then threw her arms around Poe. “Thank you,” she murmured.

He smiled. “Don’t make me regret it, ok?”

Rey grinned back, then they both turned at the sound of Ben’s voice from the cockpit: “Hey, flyboy, she’s warmed up, do you want to co-pilot this thing or what?”

**\-- END OF PART ONE --**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks, that’s the end of part 1! There will be a second part to this series, however I’ll be taking a few months break before starting that because things in my work and personal life are HECTIC at the moment! I’ve really loved writing this and thank you so, so much for reading and your wonderful supportive comments, they have really kept me motivated and inspired.


	26. Part Two: Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! I really hope you enjoy this chapter - it's been really exciting to get back into this story!! I'm afraid updates might be somewhat sporadic as covid has completely messed up my schedule for everything (i'm studying and working in healthcare so things can get pretty hectic as I'm sure you can imagine) - but I will update when I can! 
> 
> Also I'm going to post updates here as I realised it didn't really make sense to have part1 and part2 as separate fics :)

Around thirty minutes after their first jump to hyperspace, Rey entered the cockpit to find Ben asleep in the pilot’s chair. She eyed him carefully, feeling a pang of guilt in her gut. He looked peaceful in sleep, but there was no hiding the dark circles under his eyes or the red rings around his wrists where the handcuffs had rubbed him raw. It was no wonder he was exhausted. Whilst she had healed the physical evidence of his torture, the emotional burden would be harder to shift.

“Ben.”

He didn’t move.

“ _Ben_.” She cupped the side of his face gently, and he sprung awake instantly, casting around in confusion. His eyes met hers and he relaxed a little. “You should rest in one of the bunks.”

“’m fine here,” he mumbled.

“No, you’re not,” she said firmly. “Ben, you can’t stay in the cockpit for three days straight. We’ve got time before you need to make the next jump — you should take advantage of that and get some proper sleep.”

“I _was_ getting proper sleep before you woke me up.”

“Well BB-8 wants to come in here and run some engine diagnostics, so you were going to get woken sometime.”

He hesitated, looking lost, and Rey swung herself into the co-pilot’s chair with a sigh. She flicked a switch and the radio crackled quietly into life — a jazz band, playing cantina music. She’d heard somewhere that difficult conversations become easier when the room isn’t completely silent; when there’s some other distraction.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She tried to keep her voice light.

Ben leaned forward, dropping his head into his hands. “About what?”

“The Falcon. And how you seem determined to see as little of the ship as possible whilst we’re on it? I know this must be strange.”

He sighed, heavily. “Do I want to talk about how my father never made time for me except for when we were on this ship, and so I defected to a different side of the war because I found a Master who seemed to love me like a father should, so I murdered my father for being on the wrong side and then I murdered my Master for ordering me to murder my father and for ordering me to murder you, and then you left on this ship and I ordered for it to be shot down, and then I defected _again_ , making killing my father _entirely_ fucking pointless, and how, even after all that, I’ve somehow _still_ ended up back on this fucking ship?” His hands shook slightly as he gripped the edge of the seat. “Not really.”

Rey winced at his brutal honesty. She moved to stand in front of him, reaching for him and pulling his head into her stomach. He didn’t resist her but sat rigidly for a few seconds before relaxing into her, releasing a deep breath as he did so. He wrapped his arms loosely around her thighs and allowed her to hold him, stroking his hair gently.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Rey, I —”

“It’s ok.” She tugged gently at his sleeve. “Come on, let’s find somewhere you can sleep and put your stuff.”

“I don’t have any stuff,” he murmured, as he stood.

Rey touched his arm again, almost as though reminding herself he was still there. “Just the sleep then, for now.”

They moved down the corridor until they came to the small single-berth cabin. “I wasn’t sure if you’d want to sleep here, or —” Rey said, suddenly nervous.

Ben nodded. “I think it might feel even weirder sleeping somewhere else, to be honest.” He paused. “How did you know this used to be my bunk?”

Rey raised her shoulders slightly. “Just a feeling.” She allowed herself a small smile. Several months ago, when she’d sat on the floor and cried after a particularly difficult mission, she’d noticed a small, child-like drawing of an X-wing scratched low on the wall of the cabin, almost underneath the bunk. It could only have been a young Ben Solo who put it there.

“How long should we expect before the next jump?”

“A couple of hours. Maybe less.” He frowned suddenly. “Wake me up the second we drop out of hyperspace. I don’t want us hanging around any longer than we have to.”

Rey nodded and headed back to the common area. Rose and Poe were at the dejarik table, giggling together, and Finn stood a little way away in the small kitchenette, a thoughtful look on his face.

“What’s up?” Rey asked

Finn nodded towards the table, and Rey raised her eyebrows, questioningly.

“What do you think’s going on there?”

“Other than Rose kicking his arse at dejarik?”

Finn nodded. At that moment Poe said something too low for them to hear, and Rose gave a shriek of laughter and poked him in the ribs.

“Looks like they’re getting on well,” Rey said. “Does it bother you?”

Finn frowned. “No. I don’t think it does.”

Rey smiled, and went to join BB-8 in the cockpit. He was plugged into the dashboard, whirring away. He had changed the radio station and was now listening to a news report on solar winds.

“How are we doing, BB-8?”

He bleeped back an affirmative.

“That’s great. It’ll be a few hours until we drop out of hyperspace, so you might want to take some time to recharge, too.”

BB-8 swivelled around to face her, chattering in binary.

“Oh, that quickly? Whereabouts are we, anyway?”

BB-8 bleeped again, shaking his head. He turned back to the dashboard.

“He told you not to tell us?”

The little droid whirred in what could have been a slightly regretful manner.

“Well, fair enough, I suppose. If he’s happy to navigate the whole way there, I guess he doesn’t have to tell anyone. I’m sure we can persuade Poe to stay away from the nav chart.”

BB-8 bleeped again. <<NAVIGATIONAL CHART STATUS: HIDDEN>>

She chuckled. “Ok beebee. I’m going to meditate, ok? Let me know if you need anything.”

She crossed her legs in the chair and closed her eyes, allowing her breathing to settle. Her mind felt full — cluttered — teeming with guilt and anxiety about Ben, about their mission; curiosity about where they were and where they were going. She allowed those thoughts to linger in the background whilst she focussed her attention on the very tip of her nose, feeling the sensations of her breath. Cold as she breathed in, warm as she breathed out. Would Ben ever truly forgive her for giving away his secret? She’d thought she was doing what was right — that she was helping the resistance, but helping Ben, too. Now she wasn’t so sure. She shook herself slightly and tried to gently return her attention to her breath. _In… and out. Cold… and warm._ Ben had suffered during his time with the resistance, but it wasn’t like he had treated resistance prisoners any better, in his time as Kylo Ren. Not that that was really the point. He had abandoned his army, rushed to protect her without even his lightsaber to defend himself, almost died, and then saved her life — only to be treated as the enemy, by the people she thought were the ‘good guys’. Clearly, it wasn’t as simple as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. Ben’s own mother allowed him to be tortured in the name of the resistance. He killed his father. His mentor tried to kill him. His next mentor tortured him. Ben Solo had known nothing but suffering.

Rey groaned. _In… and out. Cold… and warm._ BB-8 bleeped to say that he was finished, and she heard Finn’s laugh from the common area. She felt strangely lonely. The radio was now giving a report on pirates in the mid rim, and she leaned forward to switch it off, irritated. She didn’t need to meditate — what she needed was to train, but there wasn’t enough space on the Falcon to do so without risking serious damage to the ship.

The engine gave a loud whine and she uncrossed her legs, leaning across the control desk to flick a couple of the stabiliser switches.

“Hey.” Poe had appeared in the doorway. “Are we finished with this jump already? That went quickly.”

“Yup. Looks like we’re dropping out in three… two…”

Rey gripped the back of the seat, and Poe staggered slightly as the ship shuddered back into realspace. Without knowing where they were heading next, Rey put the ship into neutral, allowing them to drift on the solar currents.

She stood. “I guess I’ll go wake Ben, since he’s the only one who actually knows where we’re going.”

“Wait.” Poe put his hand out to stop her. “He’s had a rough week. Let’s let him sleep a little. It’s not like we’re in a rush.”

It was a nice idea, but Rey began to feel increasingly uneasy the longer they sat, crowded around the small table in the common area. She was used to being constantly on the go, to the point where waiting around felt unnatural and wasteful. On Jakku, a few wasted hours could mean the difference between eating that day and going hungry. Not to mention the increased risk of your haul being stolen by the marauding gangs of robbers. _Kriff_. Now the pirates were back in her head.

“Rey, try to relax a bit, ok?” Finn was looking concerned. “When was the last time the four of us were on a mission together? We should enjoy it whilst we can, before Darth Grumpy wakes up.”

“Don’t call him that,” she snapped. She tapped her fingers against her leg under the table.

“Sorry.” Finn had the decency to look slightly ashamed of himself. “I’m just joking, Rey. He actually seems like an ok guy — you know, if you can get past all the torture and genocide.”

“The genocide wasn’t his doing, and do you _really_ want to get into a debate about torture after what they did to him yesterday?”

“Oh, so now the resistance are ‘they’ now, like you’re not even a part of it anymore?”

“Finn!” Rose jumped to Rey’s defence, and Rey felt a rush of gratitude towards her.

“Woah woah woah!” Poe stood, holding his hands up for silence. “Clearly this waiting around is putting everyone on edge. Myself included, even though it was my idea. Rey, maybe you should go wake Ben so we can — _woah!_ ” He gripped on to the table as the ship gave a much bigger lurch. “What was that?”

Rey, Finn and Rose had all leapt to their feet. “Maybe we hit something,” Finn muttered. “ _BB-8!_ ”

Ben appeared in the hallway, looking slightly bleary-eyed. “What was that? Have we dropped out of hyperspace?”

“About 20 mins ago,” Rey said. “That was— something else.”

“ _What?_ Rey, I told you to wake me immediately when we finished the jump! This is not a safe area of space, this is a smugglers route!

“Well you never told us that! You wouldn’t even let us see the nav chart — you had BB-8 hide it from us!”

“Really, he hid it?” he said, suddenly looking distracted. “I like that droid.”

“Ben!”

Ben ran his hands through his hair. “It wouldn’t have mattered even if I did — it’s uncharted space. I only know about it because of my fa— Han Solo.”

From the cockpit, an alarm was sounding. Poe swore loudly and ran down the passageway, Ben hot on his heels.

“Fuck!” Poe slammed his hand against the control panel. “Someone’s locked on to us.”

“Who?” Rose’s voice was worried. Finn put his arm around her.

“I don’t know — I don’t know. They’re declining our request for communication,” Poe said.

A huge black freighter loomed into view, and Poe leaned forward, squinting through the viewport. “I don’t recognise that ship.”

“I do,” said Ben, quietly. They all turned to look at him. “It’s the Guavian Death Gang.”

“ _WHAT?_ ” Rey and Finn spoke at exactly the same time.

“We barely got out the last time,” Finn muttered. “Better hope they have some rathtars lying around on that ship…”

“Wait, what?” Poe asked, looking incredulous. “You met them before?” 

“We had a run-in with them when we first met Han.”

“And we’re in Han’s ship.” Ben looked furious. “Fucking great. I knew I hated this ship for a reason.”

“ _Easy_ , buddy,” Poe looked equally angry. Perhaps for different reasons.

Rey explained how Han had owed the Guavians fifty thousand credits, and Ben cast around, looking increasingly frantic.

“Is there _anything_ of value on this ship?” he asked. “It doesn’t need to be the whole fifty thousand, just something. A gesture of goodwill.”

Rey’s stomach clenched painfully. “I’ve got the two lightsabers,” she said. “Kyber crystals are valuable, right?”

Ben went still.

“No,” he choked. His face had gone pale, and Rey took a step away, then immediately stepped back towards him. “There’s a price on your head, Rey. They won’t want your lightsaber, they’ll want you. If we mention lightsabers, they’ll assume you’re on board.”

Oh. It did make sense, she supposed. He’d spent the past year on the opposing side of the war, doing everything in his power to find her. She should have guessed there would be a reward for her capture.

She nodded tersely. “How much?”

Ben’s throat bobbed. “One million.”

Poe gave a low whistle. “Fucking hell, Solo. You could buy a star destroyer for that kind of money.”

“Shut up,” Ben said, his ears turning pink.

The freighter’s hangar was opening up, ready to swallow the falcon.

“What do we do?” Finn hissed.

“We can’t fight them,” Ben said, flatly. “Not even you, Rey. There are too many of them. They have military-grade weapons, and I should know. They bought them from the First Order."

Rey gaped, but decided that she would work out how to digest this unsavoury piece of information at a less critical time. “Are you still cut off?” she asked him, urgently.

Ben raised his hand towards a datapad lying on the control panel. It vibrated slightly but made no other movement, and Ben lowered his arm, looking disgusted. “Yeah,” he said. “Look, let me talk to them. I know a bit about their negotiation style.”

“In that they shoot first and ask questions later?” Poe said, under his breath.

Ben ignored him. “Rey.” He gripped her shoulders, and suddenly she was looking into his eyes. “Rey, you have to hide — no, no” — he spoke over her as she tried to protest — “the force won’t help us here. They have percussive cannons and Mandalorian manacles —” he tore at his hair, the anguish clear upon his face.

“Tools for capturing a Jedi?” Rose asked, quietly.

Ben nodded. “Get below deck, Rey. Please. I’ll talk to them. Maybe I can convince them I’m Han Solo’s son, so the debt will pass to me.”

“But you _are_ Han Solo’s son?” Rose looked confused.

Ben swallowed. “I think a lot of the galaxy thinks that Ben Solo was murdered when the Jedi temple burned. I don’t think they’ll make the Kylo Ren connection.”

“Won’t they recognise you as Ren, though?”

Ben shook his head and just muttered, “Mask.”

“Right. And that will help us — how, exactly?” Poe asked.

“It might give them a reason not to kill us and take The Falcon as collateral. They might leave us alive so I can repay the debt.” He looked around. “Not that The Falcon is worth fifty thousand credits.”

Finn shook his head. “Man, you really hate this ship.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to know what you think!
> 
> I made a [twitter](https://twitter.com/Dazed_Lizard) account for this fic! Come and yell at me :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since my last update! but this is my longest chapter so far (I think!), so I hope that makes up for it!
> 
> Trigger warnings in the end notes

The Falcon shuddered as it touched down in the freighter's hangar. Rey gripped her lightsaber, waiting nervously near a small viewport. She had offered the second saber, Leia's saber, to Ben — after all, he had used it on Exegol and, despite him not having touched it since then, she had come to think of it as his — but he turned her down, favouring a blaster at his hip instead. She supposed both the sabers belonged to him, technically — passed down through the Skywalker family line. 

She stiffened slightly as Ben nudged against her mind. He was staring straight ahead, standing before the boarding ramp as it began to slowly lower towards the hangar floor. His shoulders were squared, arms relaxed at his sides. In fact, he looked more comfortable than she'd seen him in weeks. With the addition of one of Han's old leather jackets, he looked every bit the cocky smuggler. 

_\-- Stay here._

There was a sharp edge to his voice that was not belied by his posture. He was nervous, but doing a good job of hiding it. 

He gave her another gentle nudge when she didn't respond.

\-- _I_ _mean it, Rey. Don't come out for any reason._

_\-- I can handle myself._

_\-- Not against these people. They are fully armed to take down a Jedi, and they are looking for you._

_\-- Well whose fault is that?_

_\-- You can hate me for it later, just please promise you'll stay here._

_\-- I can’t promise that. But I’ll stay out of sight as long as possible._

Ben’s shoulders tensed imperceptibly, but he kept his gaze fixed forwards. 

_\-- That’s not good enough. They are — not good people, Rey —_

_\-- You don’t think I know that?_

_\-- I don’t think you fully appreciate that, no._

_\-- So what do you expect me to do then, if things do go wrong? Stand here and watch?_

_\-- Things won’t go wrong as long as you —_

“HAN SOLO,” a voice bellowed, echoing through the hangar. 

The Falcon’s ramp finally touched down.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you and your crew, sell your ship for scrap, and be done with it?” 

Rey recognised the speaker. It was Bala-Tik, the man who’d fronted the gang when she and Finn had last encountered them. He wore a thick leather coat and gloves, a cannon hoisted on one arm, and was flanked by several red-clad mercenaries wearing masks, their blasters trained on Ben. Several other unmasked men stood haphazardly around the hangar, dressed in smuggler clothes with varying degrees of armour, paying less interest to The Falcon, as though flagging down ships and threatening their crew was no more than a routine occurrence, which Rey supposed it was. 

Ben stepped forward, his hands raised in front of him. “I’m not Han Solo.” His voice was thick with disdain. “What’s that lying grifter done this time?”

“Owes us fifty thousand credits, that’s what.”

“Han Solo is dead.”

“Well, then it’s just your bad luck you’re on his ship. You’ve inherited a debt, laddie.”

“I’d have to be the richest man in the galaxy to expunge all of Han Solo’s debts.” Ben’s voice was wary. 

“That’s not my problem.”

Ben lowered his hands slightly. “I’ll pay.”

“You’ve got the credits?”

“No,” Ben said, flatly. “I can get them. I just need a little time.”

Bala-Tik cocked his head to one side. “That’s exactly what Han Solo used to say.” He raised his cannon. “Get down here. Your crew, too. I want to see who else you have hiding up there. If you’ve lied, and Solo is alive — you’ll both wish you were dead.”

As Ben, Rose, Finn, and Poe began to descend, two of the red-masked mercenaries broke away from the group and started towards The Falcon. 

_\-- They are going to search the ship._

_\-- I’m hidden._

Rey was already squeezing herself into a small gap behind a loose panel in the passageway, where she stood as still as possible, her heart hammering and her lightsaber gripped tightly in one hand. 

There were several crashes as the mercenaries tramped loudly through The Falcon, speaking in robotic voices, in a language she didn’t understand. After several tense minutes, they seemed satisfied, and she heard them descending again. She waited a few beats, then crept out from her hiding place and took her position again at the small viewport, praying that no-one looked too carefully at The Falcon and saw her. 

“You’re asking me to just send you on your way?” Bala-Tik was saying. “And how do I know you won’t just be leaving me high and dry?”

“How do you expect me to get your money, if you won't let us leave?” Ben retorted. 

Bala-Tik narrowed his eyes. “We’ll need a guarantee that you’ll come back. A token of your _good will_ , call it.” His eyes swept across them and settled on Rose, and he looked her up and down. “Like her.”

Rey’s stomach dropped.

“What do you mean?” Finn asked, anxiously. 

Bala-Tik took a step towards Rose, motioning to his men, who began to approach. “She can keep us company until you get back with my money, to ensure you don’t think about skipping out on us.”

“I’ll need all my crew to pull off a job worth fifty thousand,” Ben said. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, and he took a step forward, but Bala-Tik levelled the cannon at him and he froze in place once more, holding his hands carefully in front of him. 

“You’ll have to try especially hard, then.” Bala-Tik said. “You can have her back when you get me my fifty thousand. She might be a little… worse for wear” — the man standing closest gave a bark of laughter at this — “but you’ll get her back.”

“There’s no way —”

“Think of it as insurance, lad. If you don’t come back, we’ll need to recoup our losses some other way. And I think she’ll make a pretty penny on the seller’s block, don’t you?”

“I’d like to see you kriffing try,” Rose growled. Tears shone on her face, but she stood her ground.

Poe pulled Rose behind him and cocked his blaster, but Ben shoved the muzzle towards the ground, with a grunted: “ _Wait.”_

“You better _do something_ about this, Solo,” Finn hissed, his eyes wide and panicked.

Bala-tik’s head jerked upwards. “Solo? Did you just say _Solo?_ ” 

Ben seemed to stiffen slightly. “I’m his son,” he said, heavily.

Bala-Tik went still. “His son? Little Benny Organa-Solo?”

Ben nodded warily. 

“Did you hear that, lads?” Bala-Tik looked around the hangar. A few of the men nodded, looking at Ben with renewed interest. “You know, we’ve met before, _Ben Solo_ ,” Bala-Tik continued. “You were with your father — our parents were doing business. I was but a wee lad myself at the time. Do you remember?”

“No.”

“You always were too arrogant to notice the people you crossed paths with,” Bala-Tik sneered. 

Rey thought this was a rather unfair statement. 

Bala-Tik stepped closer to Ben. “Didn’t see you with him after that. Bit of a family feud, was it? Or did you go into a different line of work?”

“You try spending time with a father who loves his ship more than he loves you.” Ben said it through gritted teeth. “After a while you need some distance.”

“Poor little Benny,” Bala-Tik said, his voice impassive. 

Two men now flanked Ben, and the back of Rey’s neck began to prickle. Something was wrong, but she didn’t dare move. She didn’t know what she’d do, even if she did dare move. Maybe Ben had inherited Han’s fabled ability to talk his way out of anything — not that it had done them much good the last time they’d encountered the Guavians. 

“You did pretty well after that though, I hear,” Bala-Tik continued. 

Ben tensed, imperceptibly. “I worked for an arms manufacturer on Corellia,” he lied smoothly. 

“Oh, arms, was it? Aye — you certainly had access to a lot of state-of-the-art weaponry.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, stiffly. 

“You know, all of us were concerned, weren’t we, lads? When we heard about Exegol. Some very nasty business, that sounded like.”

Bala-Tik gave a nod, and the men grabbed Ben by the arms, at the same time as blasters were levelled at Rose, Finn, and Poe. Ben struggled and bucked, trying to throw them off him, and Finn shouted “Stop! Get off of him!”, before he was jabbed in the chest with the muzzle of a blaster and quickly fell silent. Ben managed to get one arm free and he threw a punch at the mercenary still holding his left arm. He punched like a drunken brawler, slightly unsteady, and followed through with his whole body so that he stumbled at the end. Rey was forcibly reminded of the sedative still coursing through his system, unfairly skewing the fight against him, and found herself wondering how much of his usual lupine coordination was a result of channeling the force, however unconsciously this might be. The mercenary holding him staggered backwards, but his companion brought a baton down on the back of Ben's legs, and Ben fell to his knees. Bala-Tik hit him in the head with the butt of his cannon and Rose cried out in sympathy as Ben reeled from the blow. 

“Imagine our surprise, then,” Bala-Tik continued on, conversationally, as if nothing had happened. “When we received a transmission from the First Order, revealing that their Supreme Leader was a deserter,” — Rey’s stomach sank — “and his true identity.”

Rey hissed a curse under her breath. Abandoning any attempt at subtlety, she turned and pounded down the passageway to the cockpit, where she grabbed a blaster and the second lightsaber. She hesitated, debating whether to turn on The Falcon’s deflector shields. If the ship was grounded, they were doomed, but if she put the shields on, the Guavians would know there was someone else on the ship and she would lose any element of surprise. After several agonising seconds, she abandoned the idea, racing back towards the boarding ramp. 

Ben still knelt on the floor, two mercenaries holding him down on either side of him. From her position behind him, Rey could make out the trickle of blood that crept down his temple. Bala-Tik was bent over him, speaking in a low voice that Rey couldn’t make out. Finn and Poe had been disarmed and were also kneeling with blasters held to their heads, but Rose was fighting like a wildcat against the gangster who had locked his arms around her from behind. She bit into his forearm and he yelled in pain as he let go of her and she dropped to the floor.

Bala-Tik looked over, an angry scowl on his face. “Fucking stun that bitch if you can’t handle her,” he shouted. “But don’t damage the merchandise,” he added.

The men standing over Finn and Poe were looking at the scene, distracted, and Rey aimed her blaster and fired. She missed, but the additional distraction gave Poe the opening to swing around, punching one of them and knocking him off-balance. Finn leaped forward and grabbed their fallen blasters, shooting their two captors in the chest and head, just as Rose jabbed the third with her shock-prod and he flew ten feet across the hangar and lay there, twitching. The three of them took cover behind a large storage crate, firing towards the gangsters advancing on them. 

Ben was on his feet again, the two mercenaries at his sides struggling to subdue him. 

Rey fired towards Bala-Tik. He dodged the blast and locked eyes with her, looking triumphant. “She’s here!” he yelled. He started towards the Falcon.

Rey fired again, just as Ben wrenched his right arm in the first mercenary’s grasp, pulling him into the path of the blaster bolt. The mercenary dropped like a stone, his gun clattering to the floor, and Ben snatched it up and shot the second mercenary at point-blank range. The body fell to the floor and Ben was forced to stoop with it — his left wrist was cuffed to the dead mercenary’s right. 

“ _Ben!_ ” 

Rey threw the saber across the hangar and Ben stretched to catch it. With one deft swoop he sliced off the arm of the fallen mercenary, leaving his own arm free, the cuffs still hanging from his left wrist. He swung the saber round, blocking a blaster bolt hurtling towards his head and sending it ricocheting back towards its sender, then turned towards Bala-Tik once more. 

“Your quarrel is with me, Bala-Tik!” he bellowed. “Leave her!”

“My quarrel,” Bala-Tik panted, “is with whoever I want it to be.” He ducked as Rey fired towards him again. “And with a million-credit bounty, I think she’ll do nicely.”

Ben’s expression darkened. “If you know who I am then you know that _I_ set that bounty, you kriffing moron! There’s no-one to _pay_ that bounty any more!”

“Maybe not from the First Order, no. Although I hear General Pryde is looking for a new dancing girl,” he sneered. “But the First Order isn't the only organisation with an interest. You broadcast that bounty on every frequency, _Supreme Leader_. She’s famous now. Famous means valuable.” He hefted the cannon on his arm and fired towards the Falcon. 

Rey threw herself off the boarding ramp and onto the hangar floor a fraction of a second before the blast hit. Acrid smoke billowed around her and she doubled over, retching. “BB-8!” she screamed. “BB-8, check for damage and prep for take-off!” She didn’t know if the little droid had heard her. 

Another blast landed somewhere to her left and she was thrown off her feet. The smoke from this one was so heavy, she suspected it was a smoke grenade rather than a cannon blast. She couldn’t see her hand in front of her face, it blocked out the sound — or perhaps that was just her ears ringing — it was filling her lungs, choking her. She just needed to get clear of it, and she ran blindly, almost tripping over a red-clad body as she went. The smog thinned as she covered ground, but before she could get clear, her ankle took a hit and she fell with a yelp. 

“ _Rey_!” 

She wasn’t sure who shouted her name. Her head was ringing, she couldn’t breathe, and her ankle felt broken. She felt it tentatively and pain flared at her touch, and her hand came away damp. She gritted her teeth and got to her feet. A figure was coming towards her but she didn’t dare shoot in case it was one of her friends. 

A small dart sailed through the air towards her and she blocked it with her lightsaber. Another came, then another, and another. Rey whirled around, slashing the darts out of the air, relying on the force to guide her when her eyes stung and watered and she could no longer see clearly.

Then a dull pain at her thigh, and she looked down in confusion to see that one of the little bastards had gotten through, the dart protruding from her leg like a strange metallic thorn. She reached for it, and as she did it crackled with electricity and then the pain hit her like a brick wall. She didn't even feel the hangar floor as she fell; all she knew was a million white hot knives piercing her all over and ice cold terror and a clash of colours in her head on a background of inky black nothingness. She was dimly aware of screaming in the distance but that couldn't be coming from _her_ , only dying animals made that kind of noise, but then maybe this was dying — she had to be dying because no living thing could ever hurt this bad and survive, and she would do anything, _anything,_ if this would only end —

— and then it stopped as suddenly as it had started, and warm, solid arms were gathering her up, and she lay boneless as shudders wracked through her and a hand stroked her hair and she sobbed into the chest of whoever had rescued her. 

“Shhhh, sweetheart,” a voice was saying. “It's ok, you're ok, Rey. You're ok.”

Rey looked up through eyes cloudy with tears. “Ben?” She clutched his shirt harder.

“I'm here. I'm here.” His chest vibrated beneath her hand. 

“What —” 

She raised her head slightly, and the hangar and the battle flooded back to her as she took in the scene. 

The smoke had mostly cleared, enough to see Bala-Tik advancing on them with a grim scowl in his face. Ben had dragged her behind one of The Falcon's landing gears, offering them a small amount of cover, but not much. Not enough.

Bala-Tik raised the cannon at the same time that Ben shot at him, but the gangster sidestepped the plasma bolt and planted his feet firmly, before calling to them. 

“You can keep fighting, _Solo.”_ He spat Ben's name like it was a curse. “I'll still win — you know it. You don't have the firepower to come out on top. And when I do, I'll kill you, and your pathetic friends, and I'll make sure your girl gets passed around every member of my crew before we sell her.” He licked his lips and Rey's stomach turned. “Or you can surrender right now, and none of my men will touch her. I'll even let the rest of your crew go free. Not you, of course — the other three.” 

Ben went tense, and Rey scrambled out of his arms. “Don't even kriffing think about it,” she hissed.

He kept his eyes on Bala-Tik as he stepped closer. Bala-Tik was under The Falcon now. 

Ben's hand, the one not holding his blaster, was clenched into a fist, and shook slightly. 

“We're getting out of this. _All_ of us,” she said under her breath. “Don't you think otherwise. Don't let him get in your head.”

Ben nodded, stiffly, but Rey recognised the look in his eyes. That same frightened, beaten look, like when they'd fought in his cell over whether to tell the resistance about his apprentices. 

She hit him on the arm. “Stay with me, Ben.” 

“I'm with you,” he said, quietly. 

“Do you need a moment to confer?” Bala-Tik called, mockingly. “My generous offer won't last forever.” 

Ben's shoulders sagged. “Rey, if we give in now, there’s a chance we could still escape, and Rose, Finn, and Poe will live.”

“Don't,” she snapped. 

“Rey,” he said, more insistently.

“ _No!_ ” Panic was rising in her chest. Ben was a good strategist — at least she assumed he was; the First Order couldn't have gotten so far under his command on happenstance alone — if he was considering surrender, what kind of chance did they really have? She forced those feelings down and tried to focus. Her head was still ringing from whatever that dart had done to her, and she was having trouble organising her thoughts. “Do you really think he’ll honour his word?” she muttered, not taking her eyes off Bala-Tik. “More likely he’ll sell the lot of us, and The Falcon, whether we surrender or not.”

“But —”

“No! Don't talk like we've already lost.”

Ben looked pained, but nodded. “Ok,” he said. “Ok.”

“What’s it going to be?” Bala-Tik called again. Three of the red-clad mercenaries had joined him, standing in formation behind him. “Are you going to do the sensible thing and surrender, or are my crew going to have a lot more fun than they bargained for tonight?” 

Rey stood up from her crouched position, careful to keep the weight off her throbbing ankle. “You’re disgusting,” she spat. She held out her hand for her lightsaber — she’d dropped it when she was hit by the dart — and reached for the force. 

Or, at least, she tried to. 

Normally, the force felt like it was right _there_ , just behind her regular level of awareness — she'd just allow her mind to slip into _that_ state, where she felt calm and relaxed and alert, almost like an accident, and the force was just — just _there._

She couldn’t feel anything. 

“Ben,” she whispered, trying to keep the panic out of her voice. “I can't — I can't —” She forced herself to take a breath. “What's happening to me?”

“You've had a big shock,” he murmured. “Your mind isn't as clear as it usually is.”

Her thoughts shuttered for a second. This wasn't — _couldn't_ be happening. She needed the force, she couldn’t fight without it, and with Ben already incapacitated they were — 

She forced her train of thought off the edge of a cliff. She would _not_ admit defeat. She had survived fifteen years on Jakku without the force; she could survive this too. 

She snatched up Ben’s blaster and fired. The bolt hit one of the mercenaries in the side, causing him to double over. She fired again and missed, and then Bala-Tik was shouldering the cannon once more, the mercenaries’ shields protecting him as she fired again and again and again. 

And suddenly Ben’s arms were around her and she was thrown to the ground. He was above her, shielding her with his body, his face contorted and cords of muscle popping in his neck, with one arm stretched behind him, power radiating from him, as he roared with the effort and pulled The Falcon down on top of them. 

***

Ben groaned. 

Someone was hovering nearby, but he didn’t think he had the energy to speak to anyone right now. His head was pounding, and his stomach felt like the inside of a washing machine. He forced a deep breath and spat into the fresher unit that he’d been heaving into, then thumped his fist on the waste-evac. button and hauled himself into the passageway. He sat down heavily on the floor, his legs splayed awkwardly in front of him. 

After he’d all but destroyed The Falcon, crushing Bala-Tik and several of his men in the wreckage, the two remaining gangsters had laid down their weapons. Rose had stunned them both with her shock-prod and shoved them on an escape pod to the nearest planet, complete with a message set to transmit from their radio, stating: _“We are what remains of the Guavian Death gang. We advocate rape and slavery. Arrest us!”_ in twenty different languages. Despite his exhaustion, Ben had chuckled at her tenacity. 

The Falcon wasn’t salvageable — not without a huge amount of time and parts, and probably a fully equipped garage; none of which they had. Whilst Rose dealt with the gangsters, Finn and Poe had done their best to recover their supplies on Falcon, transferring them to a small freighter they found at the back of the hangar, probably stolen from another of the Guavian Death Gang’s targets. Rey and Ben had been decidedly unhelpful; Rey unable to walk due to her broken ankle and still woozy with the aftereffects of the electro-dart, and Ben caught in a sudden and unexpected attack of vomiting, heaving his guts up into a corner. 

“So what’s up with you?” Finn clapped him on the shoulder, causing Ben to flinch. Finn politely ignored this. 

He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “I don’t know,” he said, gruffly. He had an inkling. “The drug was meant to keep me from the force. Somehow I pushed through.” He exhaled heavily, his stomach roiling. “Maybe the two things are… conflicting, now, inside me? Maybe my body is trying to get rid of the last of the poison? I don’t know.” What he did know was that he felt godawful. 

Finn winced in sympathy. “Well, I’m glad you did.” He sat down next to Ben. “You won’t have to worry about drugs any more,” he said. “Even if the Resistance insist on it when we get back — Poe and I have already come up with a plan to slip you saline solution instead. You’ll just have to make out like you’re a bit groggy after and —”

Ben laughed darkly. It got caught in his throat and came out as more of a cough, and Finn turned to look at him, the question on his face.

Ben shook his head. “It’s nothing. That’s, uh, a nice idea. Thanks.” It wouldn’t be necessary. 

Finn nodded, and they sat in silence for a while until Rose arrived with a flask of some kind of sugary drink, which she handed to Ben. “Here, sip this slowly. It’ll stop you getting dehydrated.”

Ben sniffed it, suspiciously. 

“It’s just an electrolyte powder with water,” she said. “The Guavians had a surprisingly good med bay — I took a bunch of stuff.” She sat down across from Ben and Finn. “Rey’s asleep. BB-8 is with her, just in case — I don’t know what. Just in case.”

Ben nodded. 

“And Poe’s piloting, even though we don’t know where we’re going. He’s just getting us away from the Guavian ship, for now.”

There was silence for a few seconds before Ben realised that she was expecting a response from him. “BB-8 knows where we’re going,” he said. “Have him input coordinates for the next jump point. The sooner we get off this smugglers lane, the better.”

“I’ll do it,” Finn said, getting to his feet, and Ben wondered if he was off to try to bully the little droid into giving away their destination. He wasn’t worried — BB-8 was clearly stubborn, and Finn only knew a few words in binary anyway.

He dropped his head into his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. He realised belatedly that he still had a handcuff dangling from one wrist, and he shook it slightly, as though it might fall off of its own accord. 

“You look terrible,” Rose said. There was no malice in her voice, just concern. 

“Thanks.”

She chuckled, and her eyes went to his wrist. “Why didn’t you cut that off?” she asked, gesturing.

“It’s Mandalorian,” he said. 

Rose’s forehead crinkled in a question mark. 

“Mandalorian beskar is the strongest metal in the galaxy,” he explained. “Not even a lightsaber will cut through this.”

Recognition flickered in her expression. “Oh.”

“Yeah.” 

He was wearing the handcuffs that he had sold to the Guavians in the first place. 

But instead of looking disgusted, Rose actually looked like she was fighting back a smile. “So this is, like, the definition of your chickens coming home to roost, then,” she said. 

He huffed a laugh. “I’ll just have to go around looking like a prisoner for a while.” He gave the cuff a little jerk. “Which I guess I am,” he mused. “I mean, shouldn’t I technically be in a cell, or something?”

Rose snorted. “Like Rey would let that happen.” Then her face sobered. “Rey.” She locked eyes with him. “The electro-dart. Did you —”

Ben shook his head, then immediately regretted it as his head started to spin with renewed vigour. “The darts didn’t come from the First Order.”

Even before he defected, he hadn’t wanted to hurt Rey. Well, maybe just a little. Just enough so that she would submit to him — maybe enough to make her kneel and call him ‘Master’. But he would have been good to his new apprentice — not like Snoke had been to him. His nausea coiled threateningly in his stomach as memories of force-lightning washed over him. He _hated_ being electrocuted. He wouldn’t have done that to Rey. 

He shook himself slightly, his lip curling in disgust at his pathetic fantasy. “It doesn’t make anything about what I did any better, but the darts weren’t from me.”

Rose nodded. “You feel guilty,” she observed. 

Ben just snorted. Of course he did. The astronomical arrogance he’d had, to think that he could hire a group of mercenaries to kidnap her — a group of mercenaries who, as it turned out, probably would have _raped_ her before they handed her over — and that she would then want to rule the galaxy at his side. 

Rose’s eyes seemed to soften. “We all made it out alive,” she said quietly. “Because of you. Focus on that.”

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: threats of sexual assault/rape (no actual sexual assault or rape)
> 
> Oh yeah I have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/Dazed_Lizard) now, if you wanna come say hi


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